Johnny Depp is currently making the media rounds to promote his heavily buzzed-about comeback flick Black Mass.
Naturally, this means that the usually press-shy Depp is stepping out more than usual – and being reminded of exactly why he prefers the solitude of his private island.
Last week, Depp informed Jimmy Kimmel that he would happily bang Kimmel’s entire studio audience. Prior to that, the actor told a group of reporters at the Venice Film Festival that he killed and ate his dogs.
There was some snark directed at Depp following both remarks, but for the most part, they were chalked up to Johnny being Johnny.
Just when it looked as though Depp might make it through his current junket without the press sharpening its knives on his bones, out comes Page Six to roast the 52-year-old with a hit piece entitled “What Happened to Johnny Depp?” that was apparently written by guest columnist Regina George.
“The actor’s face, chiseled just a few months ago, had swelled into a puffy oval, and the rest of his body looked as if it had gotten just as round,” a grown-up employee of a major publication wrote, in a bafflingly long break-down of Depp’s appearance at the Venice fest.
“His hair appeared greasier than usual, and topping off his look, one of his teeth was red for some mysterious reason. A stain? A stray piece of cranberry? Some sort of pirate thing? We have no idea.”
And in case you were wondering – yes, the author took the opportunity to speculate about Depp’s drinking and the state of his marriage. Stay classy, Page Six!