Last month, rumors about Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris getting engaged were everywhere online.
Sources say Calvin has asked Taylor’s mom for permission to propose, but he still hasn’t gone through with it.
Now, according to several hilarious articles on the topic, it seems the problem has less to do with Calvin’s cold feet, and more to do with Taylor’s non-existent butt.
As you may know, Taylor’s lack of booty has been a source of controversy in the past, because the world we live in is incredibly dumb sometimes.
Now, sources are claiming that Calvin has issued Taylor the most ridiculous ultimatum in history: Grow an ass, or I’m out of here!
“Calvin’s always preferred really toned girls,” an insider tells ever-reliable National Enquirer.
“While there’s not an inch to pinch on Taylor, he wants her to get more bootylicious!”
The source says Taylor has been obsessively hitting the gym in hopes of building a better butt, which is ridiculous, because she obviously has enough money to just inject her ass with Kardashian DNA.
It’s possible there’s some truth to this story, but we tend to have less faith in any piece of journalism that features the word “bootylicious.”
Imagine if you read that Ted Cruz described the Iowa Caucus results as bootylicious, or Peyton Manning said he expects his team to put in a bootylicious performance at the Super Bowl.
Yes, it would be amazing, but you’d be right to doubt the credibility of the source.
