Well, there haven’t been any major celebrity deaths so far in 2017 (unless, for some reason, you consider American democracy to be a major celebrity), but that doesn’t mean this year is gonna let you off easy.
In fact, you may want to sit down for this one, because there’s a good chance that we’re about to crush your dreams:
Mike “Sugar Bear” Thompson is officially off the market.
Yes, just three months after we learned that Sugar Bear is engaged to Jennifer Lamb, it seems he and the lucky lady have tied the knot.
Yes, Lamb married Bear in a ceremony presumably attended by Honey Boo Boo.
We’d say the whole situation is sweet enough to give you diabetes, but we’re guessing most of the wedding party was diagnosed long ago.
Thompson and Lamb wasted little time on courtship, getting engaged just nine months after they met.
Thompson and Mama June Shannon broke up in early 2015, but made several public attempts to mend their relationship.
In fact, it seems there was some overlap between Sugar Bear’s two relationships, which is either an indictment of the quality of available men in rural Georgia, or a testament to SB’s sexual prowess.
We’re not sure which option is more disturbing.
Anyway, many fans (insofar as the disgraced Shannon-Thompson clan still has fans) now believe that June and Sugar’s time on Marriage Boot Camp was simply a cash grab, and they were never really working to save their relationship.
Mama and Sugar began to have problems around the time the world learned that she cheated on him with the man who molested her daughter.
Amazingly, however, June was the one who dumped Sugar Bear, after publicly accusing him of carrying on a number of gay affairs behind her back.
Interestingly, the news of Thompson and Lamb’s marriage comes the same day that we learned about June’s return to television, this time on a series about her physical transformation.
Is June’s latest attempt to rebuild her public image motivated by her ex’s new marriage?
We don’t know, but Lamb should probably keep her guard up.
We don’t want to be pessimistic, but we hope the new Mrs. Bear knows what kind of territory she just wandered into.