Despite a relationship filled with more red flags than China, Amber Portwood is still planning to marry Matt Baier.
Baier, as you may know, is a deadbeat dad with an indeterminate number of kids by an indeterminate number of women.
The only thing we know for sure is that Baier owed thousands in back child support because he’s the worst.
But where were we?
Oh, right – Amber is undoing years of progress and proving that decision-making is still not her strong suit by putting a ring on this dipsh-t, and she wants all her famous friends to witness the tragedy in person!
Amber and Matt are in the late stages of wedding prep (They’re planning to get hitched sometime this spring.), and it seems Baier has seized the reins in termsa of finalizing the guest list:
“[Matt] is completely into it, even more than me maybe,” Amber tells People magazine in an interview published today.
“He is writing down the guest list and we already have 200 people on it, I don’t even know 50 of them!”
So who among Amber’s co-stars will be invited to attend?
You might be surprised by her response:
“Every single Teen Mom [star] will be invited,” she says
“Every single one from Teen Mom 2 and Teen Mom OG.”
So … did she not watch the reunion show where she had to be physically restrained to prevent her from attacking Farrah Abraham?
Because we did, and it was pretty damn brutal:
Initially, we were surprised that Amber is inviting everyone from across the entire Teen Mom franchise, but the more we think about it, it’s not all that shocking:
After all, Matt Baier made the guest list, and Matt Baier is Teen Mom Superfan Number One.
He only started hitting on Amber after he flirted with Jenelle Evans and Farrah on social media and got shot down by both.
Of course, he wants all the stars of both series to attend his wedding!
He’s been dreaming of this day for years!
But hey, Amber seems unconcerned, so maybe she knows something we don’t.
“I don’t know if I feel frantic or anything,” Portwood says when asked about pre-wedding jitters.
“I’m kind of scared — not for any particular reason — just the fact that I’m getting married. We are on time and we pretty much know exactly what we want to do.”
She adds:
“We’re just trying to stay level-headed, because there’s a lot going on right now.”
She’s right about that.
There is so much going on in the run-up to this wedding.
If only some of it were good.
Watch Teen Mom online to remind yourself of the enormity of the mistake Amber is about to make.