Kylie Jenner: Tyga is Totally My Husband!

Have you heard the good news?

Kylie Jenner and Tyga are back together!

How do we know?

Well, there’s been no official announcement, but the couple isn’t exactly being subtle about their reconciliation.

First Tyga informed his Instagram followers that he and Kylie had make-up sex.

(Always a classy move.)

Shortly thereafter, Kyga was spotted making out at a luxury car dealership.

(Again, these two ooze class.)

Now there are rumors that Kylie and Tyga are living together in her new multi-million dollar mansion.

And then there’s this latest nauseating development:

Kylie Jenner References Tyga As Her “Husband” In Snapchat

In case you just finished eating, and you’d like your food to stay where it belongs, the above video shows Kylie checking out some nail designs at an LA salon.

The camera pauses on a tiger-print pair, and Kylie remarks, “This reminds me of my husband.”

Yes, she referred to the dude as her husband.

Certainly doesn’t sound like a girl who was making out with another rapper in a music video just last week, does it?

It’s bad enough she’s talking about Tyga, but the word just sounds strange coming from an 18-year-old in 2016 who’s not a castmember on Teen Mom.

Think about the crappy jobs and other day-to-day BS you had to cope with when you were 18.

Now,imagine you’re Kylie Jenner:

You have money and opportunities and connections that 99.99999999% of kids your age could only dream of.

And you decide to throw it all away to settle down with a Z-list rapper who has repeatedly cheated on you.

We’re guessing Kris Jenner snacks out a big bowl of Xanax like they’re popcorn.

Dad Dresses Daughter Inappropriately, Internet Thinks Its Hilarious

Jeremy Basso doesn’t understand how overalls work.

The father of an adorable baby girl named Olivia recently sent the infant to day care in a set of nautical overalls with no shirt underneath.

To his credit, he thought that’s how it was supposed to look.

But when his wife Brooke learned of the wardrobe fail, she called him out via text message, and the conversation has won the hearts of the internet.

“Did you send Olivia to daycare without a shirt on?” Brooke asks.

“Uh, I sent her with that thing on,” Jeremy replied.

When Brooke points out that a shirt is supposed to be worn under the ‘alls (for folks who don’t live in a haystack), he claimed ignorance.

“I do normally dress the baby but that morning I had a job interview so he stayed to do it,” Brooke told Scary Mommy.

“When I picked her up, I thought perhaps she made a mess on the shirt and the daycare took it off. Our provider simply laughed and said, ‘nope, she came like this!’”

It’s cute and funny, and truthfully, who cares if an infant’s nipples are exposed? They’re all the same at that age.

But we have to ask, what if it were Brooke who sent her baby to daycare this way?

We’re fairly sure the mom-shamers would be out in droves, waving their torches on her front lawn. Or Twitter account.

Why is it that when a dad fails at parenting, it’s adorable, but when a mom makes a misstep, we need to alert Child Protective Services?

And similarly, when a mom does something right, she never gets credit.

As the folks at Scary Mommy put it:

“We heap loads of praise on dads for doing the most benign things that moms never get credit for — like dressing kids, doing their hair, cooking, breathing — we can make fun of their parenting foibles occasionally.”

Indeed.

View Slideshow: Greatest Dad Ever Recreates Daughter’s Selfies

Dude Tries to Shove Bag of Poop Down Woman"s Pants: WATCH!

A man on New York"s Upper East Side attempted to shove a literal bag of sh!te down a woman’s shorts on the street in broad daylight.

Yes, we are serious.

According to media reports, an unsuspecting 27-year-old woman was assailed from behind as she walked down 74th Street in NYC.

Only this was not your standard mugging, just … weirder. After grabbing her waist, a man tried to shove a bag of deuce in her pants.

After groping her buttocks in addition to, or as part of this mission (it"s quite unclear as you can imagine), he failed and bolted quickly.

The surveillance video below shows him chuck the bag of fecal waste – and what looks like a glove of unknown origin – after the fact.

“His hands were clean, but he’s pure filth,” the New York Daily News reports in a line that surely elicited many high-fives at the office.

While jokes that are going to be inevitable from observers under such absurd circumstances, the victim was understandably very distraught.

So much so that it took her two tries to call 911, according to a parking attendant at a garage who witnessed the incident and its aftermath.

As far as we know, the s–thead to perpetrated this crime is at large and has not yet returned to his jail or mental institution of origin.

The eyewitness reports that the woman"s mother and sister arrived soon after the bizarre encounter to bring her a clean pair of clothes.

That"s good at least.

Officials say it"s “unknown” what species of animal – human or otherwise – produced the excrement contained in this particular bag.

You know you want to know.

Taylor Swift: Butt Implant Rumors Confirmed?!

It’s the great question of 2016.

No, not “which presidential candidate will we be blaming for all the world’s problems this time next year?” We’re talking about the really important question. You know:

“What’s going on with Taylor Swift’s butt?”

Last time we checked in on it, Taylor’s ass was hanging out with Lil Romeo for some reason.

Remember Lil Romeo?

Neither do we. We also don’t remember Taylor rocking a Kardashian-esque backside:

Naturally, the photo above sparked rumors that Taylor had gotten butt implants.

It’s tough to tell what’s going on from that pic alone.

It could just be the angle or the skirt.

Maybe Taylor decided to rock some pads that particular evening.

We have no idea, but this is the Internet in 2016 – a land where there is no room for uncertainty – so the Swift Butt Veterans for Truth were on the case immediately.

Thousands took to Twitter and concluded that Taylor has indeed had a Khloe-ectomy. 

(Not the official word for a butt implant surgery, but it should be, dammit!)

This may come as a shock, but the average schmuck on Twitter is not actually a medical professional, so Radar Online consulted a real-live plastic surgeon to ask his opinion on the matter:

View Slideshow: Taylor Swift Instagram Photos: This Singer Has Style!

“The photos do seem to suggest that Taylor may have had a buttock enhancement,” says Dr. Anthony Youn.

“But as thin as she is, the only way this could be possible is if she had solid silicone buttock implants placed.”

The doc goes on to warn that the procedure is risky due to the high likelihood of butt infection. No, really:

“It’s not a very common surgery, and many plastic surgeons don’t perform the procedure due to the risks that buttock implants can have, such as infection,” says Youn.

Dr. Zara Harutyunyan (yes, they asked two doctors about Taylor Swift’s ass) had a difference of opinion, and believes Taylor may have undergone any number of procedures:

“The transformation from picture one to picture two could be the results of a Brazilian butt lift, Silicon implants, or fat transfer,”  Harutyunyan says.

So what’s the takeaway from all this?

Well, we know Taylor has a butt. 

We do not know, however, if she did anything weird to it.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this scintillating and thoroughly intellectual installment of Taylor Swift’s Butt: Sup With That?

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