Jenelle Evans Flaunts Weight Loss, Shills Diet Tea

As she told us yesterday (with the help of a bikini pic, of course) Jenelle Evans is not pregnant.

In fact, she claims her belly is rapidly shrinking these days, as evidenced in the pics below:

Jenelle posted those side-by-side images to Instagram today, along with the following caption:

“SPOT THE DIFFERENCE: One is before my two weeks on the @flattummytea cleanse, one is after. 2 cups of tea a day (one morning, one at night), some light exercise, a little dedication and ta-da, this is the result. Very happy.”

Yes, Jenelle credits the difference between the two pics to Flat Tummy Tea, a corporation whose entire marketing campaign seems to be centered on getting young female reality stars to shill their products on Instagram.

Hey, we guess it’s better than that waist training BS.

If you’re thinking to yourself that it’s more than a tad ridiculous that Jenelle claims to have lost that many inches in two weeks thanks to “light exercise” and some magic tea … well you’re not alone.

View Slideshow: Jenelle Evans Bikini Photos: Teen Mom 2 Tease!

The comments on this pic feature a wide variety of speculation as to what’s really going on here, ranging from “she’s pushing her stomach out” to “she’s actually pregnant.”

Some folks even went full-Oliver Stone and and unleashed some bonkers conspiracy theories:

“There’s a pic on here saying she’s not pregnant yadda yadda, but there’s no octopus tattoo, and then this,” writes one follower. “Just own up to it, you’re knocked up!”

Whoa. You’re blowing our minds, juliealaine26.

Don’t get us wrong, we think something’s a foot here.

But we don’t think Jenelle is pregnant.

Or maybe we’re just slaves to wishful thinking.

Considering Ms. Evans is currently fighting two custody battles at once, we’re really, really hoping she’s not pregnant.

View Slideshow: 13 Shocking Jenelle Evans Facts Even We Didn’t Know!

18 Canadian Celebrities: They"re EH-Okay With Us!

These stars are all pretty big deals in their respective fields, eh?

We sure do love them, eh?

In case you haven"t understand the message by now, al the singers, actors and actresses listed below hail from our friendly neighbors to the north.

Here"s to you, Canada!

1. Drake

Drake hails from Toronto, a fact that his hardcore fans know well but which may surprise folks who assume all rap stems from here in the U.S.

2. Evangeline Lilly

Evangeline Lilly almost didn’t get to work on LOST because she couldn’t get a work visa. The show would have been LOST without her.

3. Justin Bieber

Bieber was born in London, Ontario. Many Americans wish he’d stayed there.

4. Nina Dobrev

Nina Dobrev was born in Bulgaria but raised in Canada, where she rose to fame as actress and model. She played the role of Mia Jones, the single teenage mother, on Canada’s popular Degrassi: The Next Generation, in Seasons 6-9.

5. Seth Rogen

Rogen hails from Vancouver. He famously despises fellow Canadian Justin Bieber.

6. Jim Carrey

Carrey comes from Newmarket, Ontario. He got his start in Toronto comedy clubs.

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Kim Kardashian: I Don"t Wear Butt Pads! LOL!

The national obsession with Kim Kardashian’s vast ass shows no signs of relenting, and the selfie queen is happy to keep the conversation going.

Earlier this week, photos surfaced of her famous derriere that suggested Kim was wearing butt pads.

The sheer skirt she wore made evident a conspicuous outline on her backside that many assumed was caused by enhancement padding.

But Kim, a staunch defender of her heiny’s authenticity, jumped on her app to dispel the rumors as untrue.

“Another day, another crazy rumor! Apparently, I was caught wearing butt pads,” she wrote.

“Here’s what really happened: A couple years ago, I wore a skirt in Miami that was totally sheer. I had no idea it was SO see-through on my butt.

“I definitely never want that to happen again, so now I always wear shapewear.”

View Slideshow: Kardashian-Jenner Butts: The Complete Collection!

We believe her. And we believe in the magic that is Spanx.

But she might want to invest in a girdle with fewer lines, because the point is to smooth out unwanted lumps, not create more.

“So, the fact is: I don’t wear butt pads!” Kim concluded.

“At this point, I think everyone has seen my butt naked and knows I don’t need them, LOL!”

Well, on that she has a point.

But in related news, Kim made a shocking announcement in May: she was actually trying actively to reduce the size of her caboose. 

Sir Mix-a-Lot is said to be holding a vigil in mourning.

View Slideshow: 13 Stars Who May Have Fake Butts

Gwyneth Paltrow: People Hate Me More Than CHRIS BROWN?!

Maybe it’s the straight-faced recommendation that you purchase a $ 15,000 vibrator.

Maybe it’s her contribution of the term “conscious uncoupling” to the Dictionary of New Age-y Hollywood Bullsh-t.

Or maybe it’s just her smug insistence that she’s a self-made woman who cobbled a career together with no help from anyone – even though her father was a high-powered producer, her mother is a famous actress, and her godfather is Steven freakin’ Spielberg.

Whatever the reason, people really, really, really don’t like Gwyneth Paltrow.

To us, that’s about as mysterious as the fact that people prefer chocolate over kale chips,  but apparently the Goopster herself is shocked – shocked! – that the average American wouldn’t spit if she were on fire.

Asked about the fact that she took the number one spot in a 2013 Star magazine “most hated celebrities” poll, Gwinnie griped that she was just being “authentic self” and totes grew up super poor, you guys.

You almost have to admire her for non-ironically demonstrating the privileged lack of self-awareness that makes her so unlikable while expressing her confusion about why she’s so universally despised.

This interview is like a performance art piece:

“First of all I was like, ‘I’m the most hated celebrity?’ More than, like, Chris Brown? What did I do?” sayeth the mother of Apple, Moses and Hadron Collider. (We may have made that last one up.)

“All I can do is be my authentic self, but I think there are things about me that make people draw conclusions. For example, there is the perception that I grew up very wealthy and that I was given, you know, that I was sort of raised with a silver spoon in my mouth, which inspires a lot of resentment.”

We don’t even know what to say, so we’ll let this Kim Kardashian GIF do the talking:

Seriously, though, it’s hilarious that Gwyneth blames the public’s perception of her on the fact that the plebes mistakenly believe she grew up with a Rolls Royce in her driveway, when really it was just four BMWs.

If she just once dropped the BS and said, “Yeah, I grew up with privileges most people only dream about; I’m crazy pretentious at times, and I cheated on the food stamp challenge,” maybe people wouldn’t rather spend a weekend locked in a closet with Kanye and a coked-up Charlie Sheen than sit through one of her movies.

Come to think of it, does she still make movies? 

View Slideshow: 20 Douchiest Gwyneth Paltrow Quotes in Human History