Hailey Baldwin
Friday, July 7, 2017
Game of Thrones Season 7: First Episode Titles Released!
Well, we might be a bit behind schedule due to the difficulty of finding suitably wintry filming locations on our increasingly balmy globe, but it’s finally time for our annual round of Let’s Speculate About Plot Points Based on Vague Game of Thrones Episode Titles!
In the past, the game was a bit easier, due to the fact that you could pick up one of the George R.R. Martin books that the series is based on figure out where things are headed.
If you had no interest in reading the books, you could just find a dude who owns a decorative sword or an iguana named Drogon and ask him what happens next.
These days, however, we’re well beyond the point where Martin’s last book left off, and it’s anyone’s guess as to where the Battle for the Iron Throne will lead from here.
Earlier today, HBO dropped three big clues in our lap, and they’re a lot like Danerys’ dragon eggs from Season 1:
Loaded with potential, but frustratingly mysterious.
Fortunately, we’re here to help you puzzle them out.
Here are the episodes and what we can glean based on their somewhat vague titles:
Dragonstone (Sunday, July 16, 9:00-10:00 p.m. ET/PT): As fans of the books (and those who paid very close attention to the dialogue from the show) might already know, Dragonstone is the name of the Targaryen’s homeland in Westeros.
Considering that’s where Dany and her fleet of ships were setting sail for in the Game of Thrones Season 6 finale, you can expect that that’s where much of the episode will take place.
You can also expect that the newly-crowned Queen Cersei won’t be happy to hear that yet another claimant to the Iron Throne has arrived in the West.
According to the official description from HBO:
“Jon (Kit Harington) organizes the defense of the North. Cersei (Lena Headey) tries to even the odds. Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) comes home.”
Yeah, not a whole lot of help there.
Stormborn (Sunday, July 23, 9:00-10:00 p.m.): Yes, it sounds like we’re in for two Khaleesi-heavy episodes in a row!
Any who dare complain will be promptly roasted (on Twitter, not by dragons).
Stormborn, of course, is one of Daenerys’ many names along with Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, Inspirer of Impure Thoughts in Virginal Fan Boys.
The episdode’s description reads:
“Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) receives an unexpected visitor. Jon (Kit Harington) faces a revolt. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) plans the conquest of Westeros.”
We know from a previously released photo that this is also the episode in which Jon Snow leaves Winterfell, so don’t be surprised if these two fan favorites finally join forces.
And Tyrion will be there, too!
The Queen’s Justice (Sunday, July 30 9:00-10:00 p.m.): And this being Game of Thrones, we shouldn’t be surprised that it sounds as though that happy moment will be followed by misery for all.
“Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) holds court. Cersei (Lena Headey) returns a gift. Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) learns from his mistakes.”
“The King’s Justice” is a phrase used to refer to the royal executioner in King’s Landing.
Since Cersei is sitting atop the Iron Throne these days, we’re guessing heads will roll in this episode.
The description from HBO reads:
“Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) holds court. Cersei (Lena Headey) returns a gift. Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) learns from his mistakes.”
So there you have it, couple that with what we already know about Season 7, and you start to get an idea of the show’s penultimate season.
Not surprisingly, it’s dark, but it sounds like it’ll be peppered with some fan-pleasing moments, as well.
As always you can watch Game of Thrones online to get caught up in time for the big premiere.
But hurry – winter in July is coming,
Human Ken Doll"s Nose Could FALL OFF on Botched!
Rodrigo Alves has undergone 51 cosmetic procedures and earned the nickname "The Human Ken Doll."
Whatever you might think of his personal choices, we can agree that Alves didn"t undergo all of these surgeries to come out looking like Lord Voldemort.
Unfortunately, as he learns in this appearance on Botched, that might end up being the case. Because his nose could atrophy and literally fall off of his face. Watch the video below!
Okay, so Rodrigo Alves is a British television personality.
He"s also probably exactly the sort of person who qualifies as a plastic surgery addict.
Like, we"re no experts, but … seriously.
That"s 51 elective procedures.
And apparently the last two procedures on his nose were so close together that they did some damage.
While Alves laments that his last rhinoplasty"s results were "perfect," it sounds like there was a serious complication.
And that"s why he"s on Botched.
Look, by its nature, Botched is full of horror stories.
That"s the show where we heard of Mama June"s terrible C-Section mishap.
There was a trans woman whose surgeon gave her unmanageably large breasts that she didn"t ask for.
Worst of all, one time Farrah Abraham was on Botched.
That memory still keeps us up at night.
But … we"re talking about a man"s nose turning black with atrophy and falling off like he"s a cartoon character.
The image is grotesque, but the risk sounds real.
When somebody"s face might pull a Sphinx if they make one more mistake with it, it"s not time to mince words.
"The issue is what we call the soft tissue envelope — that"s the skin," Dr. Nassif explains to a very worried Alves.
"So, by you having three surgeries within a period of 12-15 months, destroyed your tissue — the skin"s no good."
Just the thought of us makes our noses hurt in sympathy.
Up to a point.
Meanwhile, Alves himself notes that his friends never had problems but that he"s unlucky, so he keeps asking "why me."
Like … we know that the situation sucks, but maybe there are little kids floating on makeshift rafts to escape their war-torn homelands whose "why me?" questions carry a little more weight.
We"re not going to dive into deep theological questions of why bad things happen.
But we"re guessing that maybe Alves" friends spaced their surgeries out a little more.
"Your nose, on the inside … you have no airway," Dr. Nassif continues in the tone of carefully explaining to a student why their failure to show up to an exam resulted in such a bad final grade.
"And it"s short, so this is all scarred together."
Big yikes.
"And now, since you just had surgery three months ago, it"s going to scary again more. It"s in a healing phase."
Alves seems like he wants to protest, but the doctor keeps going.
"If you try to [do another procedure on] your skin now, while it"s healing, there"s a high possibility, that if you let one of these doctors touch your nose now, this will turn black and then die and fall off."
It"s pretty clear that the doctors, both Terry Dubrow and Paul Nassif, are spelling it out for him to make sure that he gets it.
And they"re using dramatic language to do it, in almost a scared straight sort of effort.
But it sounds like it"s working.
It sure scared the crap out of us.
We hope that they can fix his nose, somehow.
At the very least, we hope that Alves will listen to the good doctors.
If not, he might end up playing the worst game of "got-your-nose" in world history.
Watch the video to see their exchange — and his nose — for yourself. The photos can"t do it justice.
Kylie & Kendall Jenner Sued by Famed Photographer for Tupac T-Shirts
Kylie and Kendall Jenner have been slapped with a lawsuit for straight-up jacking Tupac Shakur pics and trying to profit off the work … so claims the famed photographer in a new suit. Renowned photographer Michael Miller — whose…
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