Sigh. This is why we can’t have nice things, Internet.
While the rest of the world was worried about Russian hackers and Hillary’s email, something far more unsettling than all of the Anthony Weiner dick pics combined happened on Reddit.
A Redditor who has since deleted his account claims to have all the details of the plot of Game of Thrones Season 7, and of course, he “leaked” them online in great detail.
We know what you’re thinking:
Wow, there’s a guy on the Internet who claims to have inside information about Game of Thrones?!
What’s next, you’re gonna hit me with the bombshell that Donald Trump is occasionally disrespectful toward women?!?!?!
To that we say, you have a real attitude problem, hypothetical reader.
Also, you make a good point, but there’s a reason to believe that this particular guy – who went by the Reddit handle awayforthelads – actually knows what he’s talking about.
The most compelling evidence is that his information seems to match up with other Game of Thrones Season 7 spoilers that have already emerged from the set.
Here’s a rundown of what awayforthelads says will happen in the show’s final 13 episodes.
In case it wasn’t perfectly clear, the remainder of this article is dark and full of spoilers:
According to awayforthelads, Jon Snow and Daenerys spend much of the season together at Dragonstone.
They eventually have sex as the Wall crumbles.
Kind of weird considering they’re related, but we already seen that GoT is willing to “go there” in terms of incest.
Elsewhere in Westeros, Arya and Sansa are reunited, and the former is basically a PTSD-addled killing machine at this point.
She eventually executes Littlefinger under orders from Sansa.
Meanwhile, a pregnant Cersei (no word on who the father is) forms an alliance with Euron Greyjoy to fight against Jon and Dany, and that goes about as well as you would expect.
Sam, Gilly and Bran piece together that Jon is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, but this part is sparse on details, and it’s unclear if he does eventually become king.
In fact, the only ones who are assured to live through the final episode (according to awayforthelads, of course) are Sansa and Arya.
At some point, Jon goes north of the Wall to capture a wight and bring it back as proof that the Westerosi equivalent of climate change is a real and imminent threat.
The Night’s King (remember him?) possesses Dany’s dragon Viserion and turns him into an ice dragon (ed. note: ?!?!?!?!) that destroys the Wall.
There. Now we’re all in the same boat of having that thing we enjoy ruined.
A Redditor who claims to be close to one of the show’s “major actors/actresses in the show” says the revelations are all BS, but thus far, the reports and photos that have emerged from filming bear out the major plot points outlined by awayforthelads.
We don’t know what’s worse, that all of this information is out there, or that we’re doomed to spend the next eight months thinking Cersei bringing another child into the world.
Things tend to not work out great for her kids.
Watch Game of Thrones online at TV Fanatic to hold yourself over until the now-thoroughly-spoiled seventh season premieres.