Earlier this week, the Bill Cosby sexual assault trial ended in a hung jury.
Today, we learned that it was just two jurors who saved Cosby from likely prison time, with the other ten voting to find the 79-year-old guilty of raping Andrea Constand.
But to hear Cosby’s lawyers tell it, you’d think the formerly beloved TV dad was unanimously acquitted and awarded a medal for his bravery in the face of being confronted by his own horrific misdeeds.
The DA in the case has already confirmed that he will re-try Cosby, but don’t tell that to spokespeople Andrew Wyatt and Ebonee Benson, who are already announcing Cosby’s post-legal trouble plans to a world that wishes he would simply go away, preferably to prison.
Appearing on Good Day Alabama today, Cosby’s reps revealed that he plans to tour the country and educate children once he’s, ya know … allowed to leave the state of Pennsylvania again.
And what nuggets of wisdom will the Cos be sharing with our nation’s youngest and most impressionable citizens?
Well, it sounds like he’ll mostly be telling them how to avoid being convicted of sexual assault.
According to Wyatt, Cosby wants kids to “know what they’re facing when they’re hanging out and partying, when they’re doing certain things they shouldn’t be doing.”
Well, if there’s anyone who knows about doing things one really shouldn’t be doing, it’s Bill Cosby.
You might think that Cosby’s series of town halls about how to avoid sexual assault charges is the most egregious publicity stunt from disgraced celebrity since OJ’s If I Did It book, and in a way you’re right.
In another way, Simpson’s hubris pales in comparison to Cosby’s, as at least he didn’t believe he would be able to freely tour the county addressing people’s children.
More than 50 women have accused Cosby of some form of sexual misconduct, but he was protected by statute of limitations laws in every case except Constand’s.
So even if he is acquitted, we’re guessing showing up in towns all over America with a brightly colored sweater and a trunk full of pudding pops isn’t the greatest idea.