So, remember when we told you back in January that Malia Obama "partying" would distract you from the apocalypse?
Those words turned out to be … a little more prophetic than intended.
And you"ll see that in the video that we have for you, below.
Malia Obama is bright and accomplished.
We don"t just mean that her father is one of the most important and beloved Presidents of the past few decades.
Though, obviously, President Barack Obama"s legacy is a big deal.
We"re not just talking about her mother, Michelle Obama"s tremendous legacy.
(We don"t agree with her War On Childhood Happiness but other than that she"s wonderful — she was on iCarly)
But Malia Obama is a Harvard student.
Unfortunately, we wish that she and Sasha would get better friends … because she"s a teenager and she doesn"t deserve to be filmed while she"s just trying to have fun.
Malia Obama was out partying at Lollapalooza, which is an annual music festival.
TMZ got some footage of her rocking out to the Killers, which included her and some of her friends dancing in the dirt.
If you"ve never enjoyed a song enough to get down on the floor while you"re dancing to it, then you haven"t been listening to the right music.
(Or maybe you just need to clean your floors)
What really caught people"s attention was, as you"ll see in the video below, how Malia Obama left Lollapalooza.
She — and, it appeared, some of her friends — left, driven out on a golf cart.
So, yes, she was "carted out."
She looks a little out of it, and while it"s always possible that she"d been drinking or whatever, the video was clearly shot at night and she"d just been dancing.
If I"d been doing something illicit every time that I looked groggy while getting a ride, I"d have lived a very different life.
Now, we didn"t see any evidence that Malia was on any substances.
(Tell-tale signs like vomiting or emissions of smoke still wouldn"t be proof, but we could at least mention them as evidence)
Even if she were, she"s an adult and we have zero problems with her personal choices.
She isn"t, for example, using her likability to help a deranged orange push the world to the precipice of nuclear war.
Malia also doesn"t take shady meetings with people from a hostile foreign power who are offering to influence American democracy.
Oh, and she doesn"t hunt and mutilate wild animals for fun.
Also, Malia"s father actually loves her.
That puts her miles ahead of any of Trump"s adult children.
She"s out there, living her life.
In fact, the only problem that we see here is that there"s footage of it at all.
We"re not picking on TMZ — we don"t think that their photographers filmed any of what you"re about to see.
This was probably just someone else at Lollapalooza — maybe a friend of Malia"s, maybe not — who saw Malia and thought that they"d shoot the footage and maybe make a quick buck.
Malia"s sister Sasha has been showing up on other people"s Snapchats as they take photos literally behind her back.
We know that, realistically, nobody has an expectation of privacy when they go outside.
But these girls deserve to live their lives in peace, okay?
We hope that Malia"s friends will look out for her and anyone who might try to capitalize on her fame or embarrass her.
The bad guys shouldn"t get to use Malia Obama as a distraction.
