Vanderpump Rules Recap: Triple Trouble

On Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 19, Lala Kent returned to SUR, where the boss made it clear she won’t tolerate her unreliability.

Of course, Lisa Vanderpump has a rather long fuse when it comes to these lunatics she employs – as long as they bring in the ratings.

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 19 Online

When Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 19 got underway, Jax Taylor hit up Tom Sandoval’s house and the two friends set about finding a way to make Schwartz’s wedding to Katie the best day they possibly could. 

Hey, it’s not like the married couple is going to be able to stay amicable their whole wedding day. Let’s just hope there is no tequila in sight or there’s no telling how far Katie will go on one of her rants. 

Something tells us she would not give a damn and would expose Tom’s infidelity to all of the guests. As much as that would make for great ratings, it would not happen. 

Anyway. 

Sandoval and Jax decided it was a good idea to get Tom’s triplet brothers to come to the wedding and they were even willing to pay for their flights and accommodation. The duo called the triplets, who all shared a pay as you go cell phone. 

Yes, they live in the stone ages, apparently. Whichever brother was one the phone seemed ecstatic and implied they would all be able to make it if their flights were paid for. It was a very nice thing for Schwartz’s closest friends to do for him. 

The duo wanted to keep it under wraps, but then Brittany lifted the lid to Kristen and, well, we all know that Kristen can’t keep her mouth shut when she knows a secret… or when she’s in the company of Brittany. We’re not even joking about that last part. 

Just ask Jax, he walked in on them getting down and dirty, and his word is clearly a solid representation of what, or who went down. 

Jax was not impressed about Brittany opening her mouth (about the triplets, of course!) and let her know that the news was meant to be a secret, but they were interrupted by Scheana who seems to have no idea that her marriage is crumbling. 

She let Jax in on her plan to have a baby with Shay, but like most viewers, Jax had been wondering where the heck Shay had disappeared to. At one point, he was always with the group. 

Now, he’s focusing his efforts on his music. We’re not buying it, however. He seemed so defeated when he was packing for the wedding and even went as far as saying he was done with everyone. 

Okay then. 

Jax took his concerns to Lisa Vanderpump, who felt that people should only get involved if Scheana opens up to them about her marital woes. LVP has always been nicer to Scheana than the other staff members, so it was an unsurprising comment to make. 

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you’re probably thinking there’s been a severe lack of SUR. It’s almost like none of the cast members work there anymore. However, there was an impressive side dose of drama at SUR this week, in the form of Lala Kent handing in her resignation. 

That resignation was a mere two months late. Before she got to Lisa, she met up with Ariana and apologized for just disappearing into the ether, but Ariana was having none of it. She felt betrayed by Lala and knew there was no way their friendship could be put back together. 

Lala has been an erratic presence on the show over the past year, and burning bridges with Ariana was the final nail in her SUR coffin.

LVP was shocked at the sight of Lala. Lala was quick to apologize and pointed out that she goes into a defensive mode when her character is questioned, and it results in her shutting everyone out. 

Lisa was quick to fire back that Lala did herself no favors by lying all summer. We tend to agree with LVP’s hard words of wisdom. Lala has been a fun personality on the show, but the constant questions about her personal life were wearing thin. 

There was no mystery. It was evident Lala was doing something she should not have been. Lisa did not seem ready to let go of Lala, but told her to keep in touch. This is not quite the ending Jax Taylor tried to let fans believe on Twitter. 

Lala will probably be back at some point. She’s been hanging around with Scheana and Lisa, so it would make sense to have her return if Scheana is on the outs with Stassi again.

The final portion of this exciting episode found everyone making their way to the wedding venue, but there were a lot of issues. For a start, a wardrobe malfunction meant Sandoval missed his flight. Ariana could only wave from the plane at him as he waited at the gate. 

Then, Tom’s brothers missed the flight and Jax fumed. Will he and Sandoval foot the bill for new flights?

Ah, there’s so much at stake… not. 

Next week: The Wedding! Tequila! Tequila Katie!

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Joy-Anna Duggar: Subjected to Extra Strict Courtship Rules?

Last week, the world learned that Joy-Anna Duggar and Austin Forsyth are engaged.

While they’ll still be forced to forgo sex until their wedding night, some of the harsh restrictions placed on the couple’s courtship were lifted the moment Forsyth put a ring on it.

For example, Joy-Anna and Austin can hold hands now, which, in Duggar Land, is actually treated as a major step forward in the courting process.

But just because the young couple is now giving in to their wanton desire to press palms, that doesn’t mean they’re exempt from one of the more stifling strictures of courting:

Young Duggars are not permitted to spend time with their significant others without the presence of a chaperone, even after they’ve gotten engaged.

Interestingly, sources say the Duggars are doubling-down on c-ck-blocking security in Joy-Anna’s case, often forcing her to get to know her fiance under the supervision of not one, but two family chaperones.

According to The Daily Mail, when Austin proposed to Joy-Anna, both Johannah and Jennifer Duggar were brought along for the ride – literally.

The couple went horseback riding prior to Austin’s proposal, and we imagine the romantic mood was somewhat dampened by the presence of two of Joy-Anna’s many younger siblings.

Joy-Anna seemed to confirm the double-team chaperone treatment in a recent interview with TLC:

“We were going to go horseback riding and I decided to bring Johannah and Jennifer along because I knew that they would enjoy that, and they got to be the chaperones of this date,” Joy-Anna said.

She added:

“It also made this day really, really special and then he asked me to marry him and I said, ‘Yes!"”

It would be one thing if Jennifer and Johannah were simply chaperoning a date that ended in a surprise proposal.

(Don’t get us wrong; it would still be super weird.)

But the situation is made even stranger by the fact that that Austin asked for Jim Bob’s permission to propose.

Nothing in the Duggar family happens without Jim Bob’s say-so, which means the patriarch knew that Forsyth would be popping the question, but he felt the need to send two of her younger sisters to supervise anyway.

Of course, at this point the Duggars have set the weirdness bar so high that if that’s the strangest thing to come out about the family this week, they can consider it a victory.

View Slideshow: Joy-Anna Duggar: 13 Things to Know About Me!

On the bright side, the stringent rules don’t seem to be affecting Joy-Anna’s enthusiasm for her romantic future:

“I’m so excited to be engaged to my best friend,”  she said, when asked about the proposal in a recent interview. ‘Austin made it so romantic, it’s amazing.”

Watch Counting On online to get caught up on this budding romance.

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Regrets Only?

On Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 18, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney tried to find someone to officiate their upcoming wedding.

Who declined the offer because of their belief – shared by pretty much everyone at this point – that the troubled pair isn’t going to last?

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 18 Online

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you will already know they have been having a lot of fights, and it was recently revealed part of this was down to Tom’s infidelity. 

When the episode got underway, the SUR boss was shocked to hear about the drama in New Orleans and quickly decided to ask Katie about it. 

“What on earth have I heard?” Lisa demanded. “That all you did at your bachelorette party is fight with Schwartzie?” “No,” Katie corrected her. “All Schwartz did at the bachelorette party was argue with people.”

That’s why Lisa Vanderpump was shocked to the core when they asked her to officiate their wedding. Lisa takes wedding very seriously and felt like the couple did not. 

She took issue with them arguing in New Orleans when they should have been having a good time. The pair were confused but agreed that they had not set the best example. 

A shocked Lisa revealed in a confessional that the couple is on thin ice and it could tear their nuptials apart. We hear ya, LVP. 

Elsewhere, Stassi decided it was about time she got back into the dating world and had her trusty friend, Kristen Doute to help her out. 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Stassi revealed, while telling Kristen about her apprehension for using dating apps to find someone. 

Kristen was shocked by the way Stassi looked down on dating apps and took to a confessional to air her feelings. 

“Don’t knock online dating until you try it,” Kristen insisted.

“I mean, I met the love of my life on a dating app! Be a little more open-minded, bitch.”

The pair then bickered about what to put on Stassi’s dating app profile. We later got the reveal that Stassi’s first date went well and she was ready for another. 

However, her latest one was actually a blind date. She stopped by Kristen’s house, but all Kristen wanted to tell her about was the birds and the bees. 

At the date, Stassi was a fan of the man, but she felt like he was too nice and that they would just not work well together. Maybe it was because the dude got up at 7.am. or something. 

Finally, the SUR photo shoot was the main attraction for the rest of the hour. Katie was helping plan it because she was Lisa’s assistant. 

Schwartz decided to help her out and decided to join the shoot. He also opened up about how sorry he was about cheating on her. 

Katie was quick to shut the whole thing down and said it was best to move on to this new chapter together. 

At the photo shoot, Scheana opened up to Katie about not taking a more active role in her wedding and offered up her services to do whatever Katie wanted her to. 

Lisa got to see just how far Katie and Tom had come from their bickering ways and had a change of heart about officiating the wedding. 

“Yes, Schwartz and Katie. I am happy and honored now to officiate your wedding,” Lisa revealed.

The couple were ecstatic, but were their issues really in the past?

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Tom vs. Tom Drag Battle!

On Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 17, Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval engaged in an epic blowout over accusations of cheating.

While in drag, naturally.

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 17 Online

There was a brief moment in Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 17 that will truly never be replicated in the history of reality TV.

For better or worse.

Tom Sandoval, with a face full of makeup, kicked in a bathroom door to find Tom Schwartz, who he likened to a battered wife, on the floor.

Schwartz, of course, is not a battered wife. He is a pathetic dude whose fiancee is pissed he slept with some other girl in Las Vegas.

To liken him to a woman who experiences actual abuse is insulting on so many levels, yet it underscores how much Sandoval loves him.

Platonically. Mostly.

They didn’t end up in bed together, but they did share an embrace that was years in the making, exemplifying one of TV’s top bromances.

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you know that Sandoval probably loves Schwartz even more than Katie Maloney loves Schwartz.

Or Schwartz loves Schwartz.

As a result, he was the one running point in the effort to diffuse the situation with Katie and the girls that erupted on last week’s episode.

Stassi Schroeder also realized, in a rare moment of self-awareness and clarity, that her past fights with Katie caused her to miss out.

Not on something for herself, but on one of the painful moments (Schwartz’s alleged cheating) when Katie needed her most as a friend.

Of course, things soon got all kinds of awkward when Schwartz walked in to apologize to Katie for all of the things he did to upset her.

She was not having it.

The next day, they did have a real talk in which Katie and Tom agreed to bury the hatchet, even if he wouldn’t admit what he did in Vegas.

Meanwhile, Kristen confronted Tom Sandoval about trying to sabotage her romance with Carter, and that was about as weird as it sounds.

Sandoval is not above drama, but when it comes to Kristen Doute, he’d rather leave well enough alone, and move on with their lives. 

As he put it, this was as if Doute was trying to have an argument with herself. Not an inaccurate observation, and wouldn’t be a first.

Back in Los Angeles, Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd talked about partnering up with Tom Sandoval to open a new bar in West Hollywood.

Much as you want to shoot that idea down with jokes right off the bat, it actually seems like a partnership that could work out for everyone.

Unlike Schwartz, Jax Taylor and James Kennedy, Tom has never flaked out or irredeemably humiliated himself at his place of business.

Low standards, we know. But true.

He can also be incredibly charming and hard-working when properly motivated, and the idea of running his own place with the boss?

We’d check it out. Just saying.

View Slideshow: 37 Classic Vanderpump Rules Moments in GIFs

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: So Many Man Tears, So Little Time

Last night on Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 16, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney sought to put all the bickering behind them.

We know, yes. We know. Hence the word sought above.

With this crew, that’s always easier said than done …

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 16 Online

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you will not be at all surprised to learn that the duo’s bachelor-bachelorette party started off strong.

Or that it ended in drama and tears. A LOT of tears.

We began with Brittany Cartwright deciding to confront BF Jax Taylor about his emotional apology to Stassi Schroeder the night before.

“You don’t just apologize for being certain ways to Stassi when you act certain ways to me,” Brittany insisted, but Jax was not moved.

“If I’m mean to my ex-girlfriends, I get punished,” the reality star responded. “If I’m nice to my ex-girlfriends and apologize, I get punished.”

“It’s like, what do you want me to do?”

Across the hall, Schwartz woke up on the couch and stumbled in to find future wife Katie sleeping in their California king bed by herself.

He gently woke her, and asked for an apology.

“Do you want to say you’re sorry? You were super mean to me last night,” Schwartz said, before recalling their dispute from 4:30 a.m.

After the New Orleans bars closed, Katie wanted to take a car home rather than walk back to the hotel … and lashed out at Tom over this.

Then she asked why he wanted to rehash it.

“As Katie Maloney would say, ‘Don’t discount my feelings,’” Schwartz said. “Because you don’t remember because you were too drunk!”

Yeah. The tension was on the rise in NOLA.

Schwartz proceeded to show up totally wasted As the groomsmen and Ariana Madix, the grooms-woman (?) headed out gator huntin’.

“I’m starting to think Tom is drinking for other reasons, possibly the situation going on with Katie,” Jax, the voice of reason, told the cameras.

“I say ‘possibly,’ but that’s pretty much the reason.”

At lunch, Tom admitted to the guys that he wasn’t really speaking to Katie, which again prompted a reality check from Jax of all people.

“Maybe it is me, though,” Schwartz said, when promoted about Katie’s behavior toward him, which prompted Tom Sandoval to go OFF.

“You sound like a f–king battered wife!” his namesake cried, beginning another cascade of tears. “It’s f–king bulls–t! You deserve better, dude.” 

“You put your emotions always on the end, man!”

Meanwhile, Katie and the bridesmaids went out for a seafood-heavy Southern brunch, to the disgust of Scheana Shay and Kristen Doute.

If only the differences of opinion ended with food.

Kristen revealed to Scheana that Katie constantly berated Schwartz because of his alleged banging of a woman in Vegas two years prior.

Doute tried to lift Maloney’s spirits by hiring her a (female) stripper, whereas the guys hit up a sports bar and Schwartz drowned his sorrows.

Later, when the groups met up, Kristen pulled Schwartz aside to ask about the Sin City hookup, which he says didn’t go beyond kissing.

Emotions and blood alcohol content were both really high at this moment, though, so Schwartz promptly flipped the f–k out on Doute.

View Slideshow: 37 Classic Vanderpump Rules Moments in GIFs

Calling Kristen “basic” and saying that she needs therapy, Schwartz was quickly losing control when Sandoval attempted to step in.

That in turn sparked a bigger fight between Kristen and the drag queens (the guys were immersed in the city’s gender-bending spirit).

“Doute is way out of line!” Schwartz said, and while that may be, because honestly when is she not, Tom was not in a place to criticize.

As Katie tried to calm him down, Tom lost it.

“You act like a moron, and you want unconditional love?” Schwartz drunkenly and loudly slurred at the woman he’s supposed to be marrying.

Good times in the Big Easy.

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Cold Beers and Many Tears

Tom and Katie’s awkward, tension-filled journey to matrimony continued Monday night on Bravo’s Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 15.

Before the couple, who somehow determined marriage was a good idea, can make it to the altar, first they had to make it to New Orleans.

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 15 Online

When the episode got underway, Kristen showed up at Stassi’s apartment to help her pack her clothes for New Orleans. Stassi was quick to point out that she was worried nothing would go to plan. 

She went as far as saying that she felt like it was her wedding. Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Stassi. 

The friends switched gears to chat about Stassi’s failed relationship with Patrick. She linked back to her relationship drama with Jax, before bursting into tears. 

Kristen comforted her, telling her that they have New Orleans to look forward to. 

The drama moved over to Tom and Ariana’s apartment, with the couple opening up to Ariana’s mother about Katie sending them mean texts. 

Apparently, Katie felt like she already had a reputation for texting abuse, so she decided to continue it on that basis. Um, okay. 

“The only thing I’ve said about her lately is that she’s mad all the time and I don’t know if it’s just because she’s stressed out about planning her wedding,” Ariana reasoned. 

Her mother questioned whether Katie could have cold feet about the wedding. Tom and Ariana looked on in horror. 

James then showed up at PUMP because he was allowed to work a party that he was assigned to before he got the boot. 

As expected, Lisa was apprehensive about the whole thing, but her hands were tied because the client asked specifically for him. 

When James attempted to thank Ken, he was quick to reveal that he and Lisa did not invite him. Basically, James would still be in the gutter if it was not for the Daily Mail. 

At Scheana’s party, Tom told Jax that Katie was reverting to her old ways. This conversation went down while Katie sulked and complained that Tom was avoiding her. 

It boggles the mind why she did not think to go speak to him at the party and left it all down to him. 

Scheana decided to chat with Tom about the way things were going and offered up some advice to him. Jax looked on in horror at the prospect of taking advice from Scheana and made fun of her in a confessional. 

“Getting marriage advice from Scheana is like getting sobriety advice from Shay. Kind of pointless.”

That was a low blow considering how Scheana and Shay were battling to keep their relationship going strong. 

Later, Katie was grilled by Tom about the way she acted when she was drunk. 

“I have limits and when I reach those limits, I explode,” the future wife of Tom Schwartz revealed. 

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you will already know that Katie drinks and sends horrible text messages on a weekly basis. 

The group made their way to New Orleans and LVP upgraded Tom and Katie’s room. That’s sort of what the SUR boss does when she knows her minions are off on a vacation. 

Surprisingly, Stassi ordered room service to Tom and Katie’s room, crashing their chat. You could tell she was feeling lonely because all of her friends were hitting milestones in their lives. 

On their first night on Bourbon Street, Tom Sandoval decided to open his mouth about all the arguing and put Katie on blast for the way she treated Lala. 

Katie was furious about the whole thing and said she did not want to talk about Lala. Might this be because she knew she was in the wrong?

Scheana and Shay showed up late to the party because they were celebrating their second wedding anniversary. Scheana gifted Shay with a Boudoir book that he seemed to love. 

Did he get to keep it when the marriage crumbled? We have no idea. 

Stassi confided in Brittany about the way she felt, but a drunken Jax joined in. Stassi had a go at him for the way he treated her and he actually apologized. 

This did not sit well with Brittany because she felt like Jax could apologize to Stassi, but not her. Brittany stormed off. 

Will any of the couples make it out of the season together?

Finally, LVP told James that there was no chance he would be asked to return to work for her. He was upset, but the LVP had spoken. 

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Lala Kent Slams Vanderpump Rules Cast: They Think They"re Kardashians!

Lala Kent’s departure from Vanderpump Rules has felt more than a little anti-climactic.

Lala quit the show back in August, while season five was still filming and thus far, the show hasn’t addressed her absence in any concrete way.

We’re told she’ll come back for a final send-off, but at this point, viewers (and the show’s storylines) have already moved on.

Anyway, there are many theories as to why Lala left the series so abruptly, but most of them have to do with her mystery boyfriend.

Lala is allegedly dating an older, married sugar daddy type (social media seems convinced that it’s Hollywood producer Randall Emmett, but that has yet to be confirmed), and she’s made no secret of the fact that she was not happy with inquiries into her love life from co-stars and fans.

(Pro tip: If you want to keep your relationship a secret, don’t go on a reality show that’s almost entirely focused on the personal lives of its cast.)

Now that Lala is no longer on the show, she’s probably washed her hands of the of the castmates who either pretended to like her (Tom Sandoval and Ariana) or openly despised her (everyone else), right?

Wrong-o! She’s still throwing shade, but now she’s doing it on a podcast hosted by Sammi Giancola from Jersey Shore, which sounds like a joke about life on the Z-list but is instead something that actually happened.

Naturally, Lala opened up about her feelings on Stassi and company, telling Giancola that the other girls on the show retroactively used her bullying of Katie as an excuse to be mean:

“I feel like this season they tried to make it look like they were coming at me because of the way I spoke to Katie, but they were mean to me last season the second I walked into SUR,” Lala says.

“So it’s not adding up, what they’re saying. I’ve apologized a million and one times.”

She goes on to say that she wants nothing to do with their clique, which is only something you say when you very badly want to be part of someone’s clique:

“I don’t wanna be a part of their clique,” she says.

“You have to know that in L.A., yeah it’s cool to be a part of the show – whatever – but, out here, if I were really rolling around with those girls, like in real life no cameras around – it’s such a bad look.”

She adds:

“They think they’re Kardashians! The way that they talk and the way they act, you would think we’re the biggest reality television cast in all of history.”

As for that infamous non-disclosure agreement that Lala rather sketchily asked her friends to sign, she claims it had nothing to do with her alleged relationship with Emmett, and everything to do with James Kennedy’s sketchiness: 

“James wasn’t even at [the music festival] with me,” Lala clarifies.

“He was given a NDA because he sometimes likes to film me while I’m stoned, or whatever it may be, and I would like to know what’s being put on the internet, because we all know that he doesn’t have a filter. Tom and Ariana really did go to [music festival] with me and they were never given any agreement.”

Speaking of James, Lala has apparently seen the light, as she says she and DJ Slytherin are no longer friends:

“I’ve chosen to remove myself,” she says. “James will always be James. I slowly started seeing why people don’t connect with him and why he rubs people the wrong way.”

She adds:

“But if his girlfriend wants to be one of those brainless people, then that’s her prerogative; if she wants to turn the other cheek, then you go girl. Whatever you want to believe.”

That’s a bit like listening to people who are just now realizing that they shouldn’t have voted for a cartoon rich guy from the ’80s to be president, but hey, at least it’s a step in the right direction.

View Slideshow: Lala Kent: Best Instagram Pics of Vanderpump Rules’ Newest Star

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Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 14 Recap: In the Closet

Monday on Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 14, Schwartz voiced his opinions about his bachelor party, while Katie raged at Scheana.

Elsewhere, Stassi was given more relationship advice, but if you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you know how that typically goes.

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 14 Online

The wedding of Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz and the lead-up to that epic event was bound to the focal point of this entire season.

Still, could anyone imagine just how big of a disaster of an experience it would be? Okay, everyone could’ve, but seeing it play out?

Wow. Just wow.

To wit, Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 14 focused on a spa day, which had to be the most stressful and least enjoyable ever.

Prior to that, we learned that Katie and Tom forgot to put room on their wedding invitations for people to include … wait … their names.

They may know the number of guests, in other words, but they don’t know who’s coming. Minor details. If only that was as bad as it got …

Katie, falling more into the traditional Bridezilla role by the minute, ominously tells Kristen Doute that people “need to start falling in line.”

Uhh, okay Steve Bannon.

Ariana Madix, meanwhile, fills Lisa Vanderpump in on what happened at James Kennedy’s DJ set, as if LVP weren’t already well aware.

Oh, and Tom Sandoval is attempting to reboot his modeling career … with a shoot at Joe Simpson’s house. Can’t make this stuff up.

Tom Schwartz, who tags along, is star-struck by Jessica’s father. Sandoval is just star-struck by himself, or the feeling he gets at least.

“When I get my photo taken, it’s giving my soul life,” Sandoval says, and as ridiculous as that is, we gotta say we love the guy for it.

He is unabashedly himself.

Plus, Tom and Ariana are downright normal compared to other couples on this show, namely James and Raquel, who has trust issues.

James is still somehow denying he cheated on her even though everyone saw it and there are photos of it, but hey, it’s Trump’s America.

Lie enough and people start to buy it, or grow too exhausted by refuting the lie that they resign themselves to quieting down, or both.

In other toxic couple news, Brittany Cartwright and Jax Taylor take her mother’s advice and go to church. The sermon is about anger.

Stassi, while this is going on, is at her mother Dayna’s house, showing us a rare selfless side of her caring for her mom post-hysterectomy.

Her brother Nikolai, 11, counsels Stassi about her split with Patrick. For Schroeder, an 11-year-old’s advice might actually be an improvement.

After a brief interlude in which Tom plays a hologram in Peter’s new sci-fi movie (let that sentence sink in for a sec) it’s bridal shower time.

Also known as unrelaxing spa day time.

Scheana attempts to strike a peace accord between Ariana and Stassi, which worked well until Katie issued more threats about negativity.

The irony is lost on her, apparently.

As Katie rails and warns against toxic attitudes and bad behavior among members of her bridal party, the accused finally speak out.

Scheana brings up that Katie is a mean when she drunk texts, which leads to a fight and a sad reminder that they are like 30 years old.

Seriously. Thirty years old.

View Slideshow: 37 Classic Vanderpump Rules Moments in GIFs

Finally, on the bachelor party side, Schwartz’s (or the producers’) request is for the guys to dress in drag on their New Orleans trip.

Thus, they head over to Lisa’s (where else, because it’s clearly the producers’ idea) to try on the boss’ finest dresses and jewels.

All is right with the world, until Tom and Katie get into yet another argument later in which she’s upset about him defending Ariana.

As she storms out, leaving Tom alone with the check he would probably bounce if he paid by check, we have to wonder aloud:

Why are these two getting married exactly? And if they do, will it possibly last? Hit the comments and discuss all things Pump.

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Lala Kent Goes OFF on Vanderpump Rules Cast: You Slut Shamed Me and Are Awful People!

Kent just went off on the Vanderpump Rules cast in an online tirade, accusing them of slut-shaming her and basically being terrible people.

Amid speculation of why she’s leaving the hit Bravo show, and whether it has to do with dating a married man, Kent issued this tweet:

Rumors of Lala Kent dating a married man (who allegedly bought her a Range Rover among other expensive gifts) is at the crux of this.

It runs deeper than that, though, according to Lala, who says she’s been shamed regarding her sexuality from day one – based on nothing.

“Y’all did slut shame me,” Lala began her rant.

“From the second I walked onto the show … U had 0 facts. Not one thing you said was 100% factual. That’s the part that hurt my feelings most.”

“It was a game of telephone and y’all took it and didn’t care what was actually real and what wasn’t. Shame on you,” she went on.

“The disgusting human-beings are you people.”

“Why would anyone want to be honest with any of you! Have you seen how you have treated each other?” Kent asked rhetorically.

“You bailed on your best friend because you didn’t like the group. You punch your friend in the face because she slept with your man.”

“But I’m supposed to be a saint to you after none of you have been kind to me? You’re delusional,” Lala said, raising some solid points.

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you know this is one of the shadiest, most promiscuous, sophomoric groups of people in history.

And honestly, we love them for that.

The idea that any of these residents of glass houses are throwing rocks at newcomers is ridiculous though, as Ms. Kent dutifully notes.

Her missive comes just after Stassi Schroeder wrote that “expressing distaste for someone for dating a married family man is slut shaming?”

“I’m so baffled by this,” Stassi said.

“Tapping out of this convo.”

Sure you are, Stassi.

Schroeder and Kent have been engaged in a war of words from the start, with Stassi blasting her as a liar and a nobody earlier this month.

It appears that the increasingly mysterious Lala actually has tapped out – not just from this debate but from the lifestyle of a reality starlet.

Lala quit the show, and has rarely appeared on camera in recent weeks, though she will reportedly return for at least one more episode.

The rest of the cast remains intrigued by her affair, and of the mystery man’s identity – perhaps even more so now that she’s bounced.

So who is the alleged sugar daddy bestowing gifts upon our girl?

Unconfirmed speculation has linked Kent to producer Randall Emmett, 45, who is indeed married (to actress Ambyr Childers).

The speculation began when former co-star Schroeder jokingly tweeted at her adversary to “give Randall a big kiss for me.”

Given that piece of information, Vanderpump Rules obsessives quickly uncovered a number of clues (however circumstantial).

Lala and Randall have been photographed together, first off …

She also deleted a photo of her kissing a man whose face had been blocked out after fans felt they found clues “proving” it was Emmett.

Bracelets worn by the man in said pic match those worn by Randall on other occasions, according to Kent’s legion of social media fans.

Some of the so-called compelling evidence does seem credible.

Does it matter, though? Kent has made her decision to bail on Bravo, and we’re guessing Lala won’t soon be issuing any sort of response.

Kent is reportedly making people sign NDAs regarding her boyfriend, which tells you she really, really does not want this getting out.

That and quitting a hot reality TV gig. You know she’s serious.

View Slideshow: Lala Kent: Best Instagram Pics of Vanderpump Rules’ Newest Star

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Jessa Duggar: Jinger Broke the Courtship Rules!

Now that Jinger Duggar and Jeremy Vuolo are married, Duggar rules say they’re free to do whatever they want with each other (so long as it’s done in the name of procreation). 

But recent episodes of the Duggar’s reality series have taken place before the wedding, and we’re beginning to learn a bit more about the weeks leading up to the nuptials.

In the past, there’s been controversy over Jinger and Jeremy violating “courtship rules” prior to their marriage.

At the time, the talk was largely dismissed as tabloid chatter, but now we know that the Duggars themselves spent some time talking about Jinge and Jer getting a little too handsy.

On last night’s episode of Counting On, Jessa Duggar commented on Jinger and Jeremy’s “affectionate” behavior in a way that smacks of 

“Jinger and Jeremy are much more ‘huggy’ and affectionate, but to each their own.”

“To each their own,” says a woman who believes that everyone reading this is going to hell for like 87 million different reasons.

This is like when someone says, “I don’t mean to be offensive, but…” and then says something completely offensive.

You can’t just tack a half-assed dismissal onto the end of sentence to negate the passive-aggressive smack talk that came before it.

If Jessa really didn’t care about Jinger and Jeremy’s “huggy” ways, she just wouldn’t have commented at all.

Also, “to each their own”?

Is Jessa super woke in terms of her gender-neutral pronoun usage, or did she just skip homeschool that day they learned about grammar?

We’re leaning toward the latter, but hey – to each her own.

Look, obviously we could care less if Jinger and Jeremy swapped partners at a 70s-style key party before they got married.

We’re just calling out the Duggars for some of their most blatant hypocrisy to date.

This is the same family whose repressive approach to sex ed gave the world Josh Duggar.

Now that Jinger has been caught violating the rules they’ve been drumming into their kids’ heads since they were born, it’s all good because the guy is a preacher and his name starts with “J”?

Not hard to see why Jessa is a little salty about the situation.

You would be too if your first kiss was on your wedding night because your parents are insane, but they let your sister off the leash because they like her boyfriend more.

View Slideshow: Jinger Duggar-Jeremy Vuolo Engagement Photos!

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Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 13 Recap: The Ambush

Monday on Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 13, Schwartz decided it was high time for one of his co-stars’ ongoing feuds to end.

Which feud would that be? And how did his fiancee feel about Tom – of all people, the most awful at conflict resolution – meddling in this?

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 13 Online

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online or read anything about the cast, you know there are so many feuds at a given time, it’s maddening.

Tom Schwartz, ever an astute observer, noted that fellow cast members Ariana Madix and Stassi Schroeder aren’t really getting along.

Naturally, he decided to bring them together.

“I don’t want to make this a bigger deal than it already is, but I want to make sure you guys are cool,” Tom said of his awkward group date.

Ariana denied having a problem with Stassi.

Stassi was not willing to be as nonchalant.

“It felt abrasive to just look at me and be like, ‘I don’t give a f–k about you,’” Stassi insisted, referring to Katie’s infamous bridal shower. 

“What do you want me to do?” she asked. “I mean, if I wanted to be friends with her, then yeah, I would give a f–k about her opinion.”

Yikes. Clearly, that’s not where Ariana is.

If that wasn’t enough awkwardness for the week, Schwartz and his soon-to-be wife, Katie Maloney, sat down to hammer out their prenup.

Hilarious, given Schwartz’s “finances.”

“Katie has more money than me right now,” Tom said of his proposed agreement, “But who knows how much money we’ll have in the future?”

Meanwhile, Katie’s bridal party gathered (minus Katie) together to plan her bachelorette party, settling on New Orleans as Option A.

Scheana Shay protested. Why?

Because of Stassi Schroeder, who Scheana feared would hijack the whole thing if she were allowed to plan a getaway to the Big Easy:

“I just want it to be a collective trip … no offense, but if we’re in New Orleans, I just feel like you’re going to take over the whole thing.”

Stassi, a New Orleans native, responded indignantly, “Um, why wouldn’t I be planning this trip if we’re going to New Orleans?”

“I’m the only one here who’s from New Orleans.”

A fair point; Scheana believed, however, that Stassi was just using the bachelorette party as a way to make Katie’s wedding all about her.

“Cool, Queen Stassi’s back,” Scheana said.

“Kill me.”

Elsewhere, Brittany Cartwright’s mother, a conservative Christian, left town after confronting Jax Taylor about his “homosexual” past.

“I’ve never gone down that road before,” Jax said, annoyed and defensive. “If you wanna believe what you wanna believe, that’s fine.”

Plenty of people do believe the Jax Taylor gay rumors, but whether they’re true or not, Brittany called her boyfriend out for his “attitude.”

Jax stormed out, only to return at his girlfriend’s urging, at which point he was lectured again by Brittany’s mom about joining the church.

“Maybe I do need Jesus!” Jax said with an eye roll.

James Kennedy, for his part, feels his prayers have been answered, as he told the Bravo cameras that Raquel was the love of his life.

“I could bring models home every night if I want to,” the ever-modest Kennedy insisted. “But I’m not going to do that. I’m going to commit.”

Not if Jax, Scheana and Kristen have anything to say about it, as the trio staged an intervention of sorts to expose his cheating ways.

They assembled James’ alleged “groupies” (girls who claim James boned them, which he denies) to introduce themselves to Raquel.

At his DJ gig. Because that’s totally normal.

Quite displeased, James told one of his supposed paramours, “Baby, I would never have sex with you … look at you! You’re disgusting.”

Straight out of the Donald Trump playbook.

As Jax smiled at his machinations, someone hurled a drink at him. You’re always one drink to the face away from a mood swing if you’re Jax.

View Slideshow: 37 Classic Vanderpump Rules Moments in GIFs

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