Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Dance Moms Recap: Meet Abby"s Boy Toy!

Abby Lee Miller flew the coop on Dance Moms this week, leaving the country just a week prior to her sentencing.


To host a few dance events, that is.


She didn’t break any laws, but the host sure did piss off a bunch of parents in the process.



While she abandoned her girls for the next competition, Abby did show up for pyramid at the outset of the episode.


Faced with questions over her shirking of responsibilities to the team, however, Abby just remains silent.


We then learn that Kalani, Kendall and Brynn will have solos at the Sheer Talent DC in Phoenix, Arizona.


What about the promise from Dance Moms last week that Lilli and Elli would be awarded with solos after their won their duet?


Abby just forgets about it basically, which means she isn’t invested, Ashlee argues.


The group routine, titled “Food for Thought,” is all about being a vegan – and Abby uses the number to promote the music of a friend of hers named Jordy for it.


This also angers the moms, who aren’t happy that Abby is eager to use Jordy’s music when she’s never done that for Nia or Kendall.


The tension is as palpable as maybe ever before at this point.



And it gets ratcheted up even higher when we discovered that this Jordy guy is sleeping with Abby! Yes, as in… they’re having sexual intercourse!


This boy toy showed up with some vegan cookies and explains the concept of his diet to the students, all while the moms pretend they are fans of his music.


An argument over the eating of meat and “speciesism” ensues, with Jordy arguing this latter problem is as pressing as racism and sexism.


This idiot is quite the piece of irritating work.


Fed up with Abby, Jill confronts her over Jordy and the use of his music. The bully of a host claims she simply likes the song she chose and nothing shady is going on.



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But the parents aren’t convinced. Or satisfied.


What’s going to happen next time, they ask? Will the girls compete at all? Is Abby going to bring in a guest choreographer when she leaves for jail?


Ashlee tells Abby that Laurieann Gibson is available and willing to step in.  


“And you think I’m mean?” Miller replies.


(Editor’s Note: Yes. We do.)


Some of the moms proceed to discuss Laurieann, but the time then comes for Abby to bid farewell. For now, at least. To head out of the country, as mentioned above.


At the competition, Jill and Ashlee argue how Brynn and Kalani have been given every opportunity to flourish, while Kendall has supposedly been set up to lose.


Jill said this in front of her daughter, it should be noted.



In the end, Kendall comes in third for her solo, while Brynn earns second and Kalali the top prize. The ALDC also wins their group.


Following this victory, the Dance Moms debate whether or not they ought to call Laurieann (as if they have a say in the matter), leading to a cliffhanger in which viewers are left to wonder:


In what sort of hands will the girls be left after Abby goes to jail?


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