Doritos Announces Special Chips for Women, Promptly Gets Dragged

If you"re a woman, then there"s a good chance you have a hard time doing pretty much everything, right?

It"s just that women are so tender and delicate, like tiny little butterflies, completely incapable of living life out here in a man"s world.

That"s why a few years ago we were so blessed when that company was kind enough to make those special pens for our dainty little lady hands, remember?

After all, if an item isn"t small and pink and inoffensive, are we even legally allowed to use it?

The whole issue is a lot to consider, especially if you have a lady brain, which we"re pretty sure has been scientifically proven to be smaller than the male brain.

But thankfully, certain brands are acting as problem solvers in this big, loud, scary world.

One of those brands is Doritos.

Last week, PepsiCo"s chief executive (PepsiCo owns Doritos) appeared on a podcast and announced that a special lady version of Doritos is in the works.

Seriously.

"As you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag, they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth because they don"t want to lose that taste of the flavor," she said.

"Women would love to do the same, but they don"t."

And so the plan is to release a new kind of Doritos "for women," with "low-crunch, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers, and how can you put it in a purse? Because women love to carry a snack in their purse."

Obviously this is absolutely ridiculous and just so, so dumb, but Twitter took this plan and ran with it.

See the best reactions to the up and coming lady Doritos below!

1. Revelations

What? Women also enjoy snacks? Sometimes even “with great glee”?! Surely not!

2. A Little Confusion

Also why are you eating Doritos in a bra, girl? Live your best life.

3. But Seriously

They HAVE to know how dumb this is. Someone, somewhere in that company has to be aware that this could possibly be the stupidest idea in the history of Doritos.

4. Ugh …

It hurts, it really does.

5. SMH

Guess you really never know anyone, huh, Helen?

6. Too Much Space

What a time to be alive.

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Lark Voorhies Posts EPIC Instagram Rant: I Don"t Have a Sex Tape! My Ex"s Junk Smells Like Corn Chips!

For four seasons, Lark Voorhies wisely rejected the advances of Dustin Diamond’s Screech on Saved By the Bell.

Unfortunately, in real life the 41-year-old actress is not as adept at avoiding romantic entanglements with creepy losers.

As you may have heard, Voorhies married Jimmy Green in a quickie Vegas ceremony just a few months after meeting him on Facebook.

Astonishingly, the marriage didn’t last. In fact, it imploded in epic fashion just days after Lark and Jimmy exchanged vows.

It turns out Green was a homeless gang member who was frequently busted sleeping in the closets of Lark’s mother’s home. (Lark lives with her mom, and the husband and wife were forbidden to have sleepovers.)

After the divorce, Green claimed to be in possession of a sex tape starring Voorhies, but she insisted that no such footage exists.

Earlier today, she doubled down on that claim in one of the most bonkers rants ever posted to Instagram:

“To whom this may concern. I am single! Jimmy couldn’t fork up a dime for our divorce,” the post reads. “There’s an active restraining order that he continues to violate. No sex tape even physically exists. Do you really think he could afford a camera?”

“I gave him money multiple times and put minutes on his Obama phone. You better take a U-Turn on that bus. Everyone in Pasadena knows you’re a joke. Gang Member? You lost your job at Taco Bell.

“Your penis is NOTHING to brag about! Is it normal for a penis to smell like corn chips?”

Yes, the word is out in Pasadena: Jimmy is suffering from a chronic case of Frito dong. 

Sources say the man’s wang should be providing the crunch in chili pie, not making sex tapes with washed-up ’90s stars.

We imagine Lark is still trying to get the grease off of her fingers.

Anyway, Voorhies later posted a retraction in which she stated that her account was hacked, but we’re calling shenanigans on that claim.

Not only did she never delete the original post, she later went off on Jimmy again, this time warning that she’ll sue anyone who interviews him. 

We’re not doubting that Jimmy is a little unstable, but it sounds like he and Lark may have actually been a pretty good match.