For four seasons, Lark Voorhies wisely rejected the advances of Dustin Diamond’s Screech on Saved By the Bell.
Unfortunately, in real life the 41-year-old actress is not as adept at avoiding romantic entanglements with creepy losers.
As you may have heard, Voorhies married Jimmy Green in a quickie Vegas ceremony just a few months after meeting him on Facebook.
Astonishingly, the marriage didn’t last. In fact, it imploded in epic fashion just days after Lark and Jimmy exchanged vows.
It turns out Green was a homeless gang member who was frequently busted sleeping in the closets of Lark’s mother’s home. (Lark lives with her mom, and the husband and wife were forbidden to have sleepovers.)
After the divorce, Green claimed to be in possession of a sex tape starring Voorhies, but she insisted that no such footage exists.
Earlier today, she doubled down on that claim in one of the most bonkers rants ever posted to Instagram:
“To whom this may concern. I am single! Jimmy couldn’t fork up a dime for our divorce,” the post reads. “There’s an active restraining order that he continues to violate. No sex tape even physically exists. Do you really think he could afford a camera?”
“I gave him money multiple times and put minutes on his Obama phone. You better take a U-Turn on that bus. Everyone in Pasadena knows you’re a joke. Gang Member? You lost your job at Taco Bell.
“Your penis is NOTHING to brag about! Is it normal for a penis to smell like corn chips?”
Yes, the word is out in Pasadena: Jimmy is suffering from a chronic case of Frito dong.
Sources say the man’s wang should be providing the crunch in chili pie, not making sex tapes with washed-up ’90s stars.
We imagine Lark is still trying to get the grease off of her fingers.
Anyway, Voorhies later posted a retraction in which she stated that her account was hacked, but we’re calling shenanigans on that claim.
Not only did she never delete the original post, she later went off on Jimmy again, this time warning that she’ll sue anyone who interviews him.
We’re not doubting that Jimmy is a little unstable, but it sounds like he and Lark may have actually been a pretty good match.