Doug Hutchison: I"m the Only One Banging Courtney Stodden, So I MUST Be the Dad!

As you may have heard, Courtney Stodden is pregnant.

The 21-year-old kinda-reality star/perenially aspiring singer confirmed yesterday that she’s expecting her first child, and many reacted in disbelief.

For one thing, Courtney has shot down countless pregnancy rumors in the past.

Additionally, Courtney’s own mother has publicly doubted that she’s knocked up.

And on top of all of that, the whole world had kinda just assumed that Courtney’s not engaging in a whole lot of sexy-time with Doug Hutchison, the 55-year-old washed-up actor whom she married as a 17-year-old child bride.

The age difference, the tumultuous nature of their relationship, and the fact that Courtney has admitted to sleeping with other guys led many to conclude that there’s a good chance Doug’s not the father.

But don’t expect to see the Hutchisons on Maury anytime soon.

Asked about the possibility that he’ll soon be raising someone else’s child, Doug told TMZ he’s 100% sure that he’s the man responsible for the bun in Courtney’s oven.

In a statement issued to the website today, Doug made the following proclamation:

“Trust me: my spermatoza are the only swimmers surfing up that stream. Aloha!”

Wow. That’s almost too classy.

Doug certainly knows the way to a woman’s heart.

No wonder he was able to seduce his high school-age acting student when he was in his early 50s…

Almost typed that entire sentence without throwing up in our mouths a little.

Maybe next time!

George Zimmerman Sells Gun Used to Kill Trayvon Martin for Disgustingly Large Sum

Last week, it was widely reported that murderous professional Internet troll and sentient colon polyp George Zimmerman planned to auction off the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin.

In a description he posted on the United Gun Group’s website, Zimmerman described the weapon as a “piece of American history” because that’s a normal way to view the gun used to kill a teenager – if, of course, you were born to bring evil into the world, a la Viggo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters II.

Zimmerman opened the bidding at $ 5,000.

Proving that there’s still some good in the world, the auction quickly became so overwhelmed with fake bids that the UGG’s website crashed.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to halt the sale of the weapon, as the site continued to host the auction, just with a complex email verification process in place of its usual login.

It’s partially because of the increased security that we don’t know exactly how much the gun sold for, but TMZ is reporting that the auction netted Zimmerman a nauseating $ 120,000.

And what will he use the money for?

Well, if you know anything about Zimmerman, you won’t be surprised to learn that he’s donating the proceeds to legal groups that fight against the Black Lives Matter movement and anti-Hillary Clinton Super PACs.

Clearly a man with no politically- or racially-charged axe to grind whatsoever.

And for those who don’t know much about Zimmerman, we recommend you take a gander at what he’s been up to in the years since his controversial murder trial.

Highlights include hitting his girlfriend with a wine bottle and initiating more unecessary gunplay because we imagine if you could see the world through George Zimmerman’s eyes, it would look like a first-person shooter game.

There are rumors that a famous figure (some say Kendrick Lamar) purchased the gun just to destroy it.

We’d like to believe that, but it seems too good to be true.

We hate to sound cynical, but sometimes in life, evil simply triumphs over good.

Case in point – George Zimmerman walks the streets as a free man.

View Slideshow: 17 Celebrities Who May Have Killed People

Leah Messer: Daughter Losing Too Much Weight?

This season alone, fans have slammed Leah Messer a multitude of times for bad parenting.

And we"re feeling another strike coming on.

In a preview clip for Teen Mom 2, Corey Simms brings up concerns about six-year-old Ali, the daughter he shares with Leah.

Ali, who suffers from muscular dystrophy, is losing too much weight, Corey believes.

"Next time we go to Columbus, if I can"t go, you might want to mention about her diet," Corey tells Leah as she drops off their daughter.

Leah appears perplexed.

"Diet?" she asks, quizzically.

"How she"s not eating," Corey explains. "It takes everything I got to get her to eat."

Leah tells her ex that Ali eats when she"s with her, but Corey doesn"t think it"s sufficient.

"She eats, but she doesn"t eat enough," he says. "She"s been not eating for a while."

"We weighed her and now she"s 34 pounds," he continues.

"I think she"s lost weight because she was almost 40 pounds."

Leah looks concerned, confused and tired, then argues that she thinks Ali hasn"t gained or lost weight, but is just staying the same.

Still, she agrees to make a doctor"s appointment for their daughter to appease Corey.

Earlier this week, Leah was criticized for allowing her other daughter, Adalynn, to eat frosting straight out of the container.

Back in March, she came under fire for failing to feed her kids breakfast before school.

Is it possible Leah doesn"t understand the concept of proper nourishment for children?

Or is she really just the victim of unfair editing, like she has been asserting for the past few months?

You be the judge:

Kim Kardashian Accused Blac Chyna of Faking Pregnancy!!!

Remember that photo from a few weeks ago of Kim Kardashian, Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian out in Beverly Hills?

And remember when you thought to yourself, “Oh this is so sweet.  Kim has extended the olive branch to Blac and she’s hanging out with her future sister-in-law and brother.”

Nope.  It turns out that Kim was putting her detective skills to good use on April 26th as she escorted Blac and Rob to her OB-GYN.

Kim, according to Heat Magazine, didn’t believe that Blac was pregnant at first.

“Chyna told Rob’s family a few weeks back, but Kim wanted to make sure that she was really pregnant and not faking it,” a source told the UK tabloid.

“Kim doesn’t trust Chyna, so she acted like she was taking her under her wing and offered to pay for her to go to the same OB-GYN as she used when she was pregnant with Saint.”

View Slideshow: Kardashians React to Rob and Blac Chyna’s Engagement News

Kim’s suspicious were false, an it turned out that Blac “really was having Rob’s baby, and now Kim’s forced to make nice with Chyna for the sake of Rob and her niece or nephew.”

A week after the doctor visit, it was made public that the engaged couple were expecting their first child together.  Both Blac and Rob were angry that they were beaten to the punch by someone who leaked the news ahead of time.

“She would have preferred to have announced it herself. Her mother didn’t even know,” Blac’s rep said.

“Her moment was taken from her, which is really sad. [But] it’s the business. There’s a TV show to promote.”

Rob and Blac are rumored to be planning a televised wedding that will air at the end of the summer.  Plans for a reality spin-off of Keeping Up With The Kardashians is also in the works.

It’s also worth nothing that no one from the Kardashian family has congratulated the couple on their engagement, nor their pregnancy news.

View Slideshow: Rob Kardashian Makes First Red Carpet Appearance In 3 Years