George Zimmerman: PUNCHED IN THE FACE For Bragging About Trayvon Martin Murder!

If you woke this morning with the feeling that the world is a relentlessly unfair and often exceedingly cruel place, well, the bad news is you’re right.

The good news is, sometimes George Zimmerman gets punched in the face!

Zimmerman, as you probably recall, is the man who was acquitted of the murder of Trayvon Martin, despite the fact that he admitted to taking the teenager’s life as he walked home to his father’s house after stopping by a convenience store to buy Skittles and iced tea.

Pretty much everything he’s done in the three years since has served as further confirmation that Zimmerman might be the worst person on the planet.

In addition to being involved in numerous violent incidents, several of which involved gunplay and assaults against women, Zimmerman has seized every opportunity to try and remain relevant by exploiting the killing of a 17-year-old boy.

Zimmerman was tweeted photos of Martin’s body.

He recently auctioned off the gun he used to kill Martin for a disgustingly large sum.

He’s made disgusting, bigoted comments about the Obama family and felt the need to offer his idiotic insights on just about every mass shooting in recent history.

In fairness, we guess we can understand his reasoning on that last part.

After all, who understands violent psychopaths better than George Zimmerman?

The problem is, you’re also a dumbass, George, a fact that a recent incident in a Florida bar made an abundantly clear.

Even by the standards of a Florida bar, hearing someone brag about killing a teenage boy is pretty crazy, so when one patron heard Zimmerman boasting about murdering Martin, he did what any sane person with a soul and conscience would do:

He laid that dipsh-t out with a single punch.

This being the world we live in, said hero patron was promptly chased from the scene and called a “n–ger lover” by one of Zimmerman’s friends.

Hilariously, Zimmerman told the cops that the whole thing was simply a case of mistaken identity, and the barroom pugilist actually thought he was punching Matthew Apperson, a man who tried  to shoot Zimmerman last year.

Whatever you need to tell yourself, George.

You are nothing if not a master of self-delusion.

View Slideshow: 18 Celebrities Who May Have Killed People

Martin Shkreli Might Be Going to Jail, Loves Pokemon Go

If you spend any time at all on social media, you’re likely familiar with both Martin Shkreli and Pokemon Go.

The two out-of-left-field phenomena have little in common other than the fact that they’ve both done a surprising amount of damage and the Internet can’t seem to get enough of them.

Pokemon Go has resulted in a shocking number of injuries and existential crises, as well as a never-ending stream of frustrated social media users who don’t understand why their adult co-workers are engaging in serious arguments about Squirtles and Jiggly Puffs.

Shkreli has caused a similar uproar, but for a much more serious reason.

During his time as CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals the so-called “Pharma Bro” jacked up the price on a potentially life-saving medication.

He also started a random feud with Ghostface Killah, despite the fact that most of us have been cautioned from a young age that the Wu Tang Clan ain’t nothin’ to f–k with.

Anyway, you’re probably wondering what Pikachu and the living incarnation of Millennial privilege could possibly have in common.

Well, it seems that like many others, Shkreli is a big, big Pokemon Go fanatic.

Unlike most, however, he might soon find it difficult to play the game thanks to a looming prison sentence.

Back in December, Shkreli was arrested on securities fraud charges after investigators alleged that he used stock from Turing to pay off debt from a hedge fund that he’d previously run into the ground. 

At an arraignment in Brooklyn yesterday, Shkreli threw his co-defendant under the bus by requesting a separate trial.

But the great part of this story is that a New York Daily News reporter claims that on his way out of the courtroom, Shkreli was heard to remark to his lawyer:

“Can I go play Pokemon go now?”

Yes, Shkreli has Charizards and Wartortles on the brain even as his future freedom hangs in the balance.

Fortunately, he’s not due back in court til June of 2017, so he’ll have plenty of time to catch ’em all before he’s ensnared himself.

View Slideshow: 9 Idiots Who Got Injured Playing Pokemon Go

George Zimmerman Sells Gun Used to Kill Trayvon Martin for Disgustingly Large Sum

Last week, it was widely reported that murderous professional Internet troll and sentient colon polyp George Zimmerman planned to auction off the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin.

In a description he posted on the United Gun Group’s website, Zimmerman described the weapon as a “piece of American history” because that’s a normal way to view the gun used to kill a teenager – if, of course, you were born to bring evil into the world, a la Viggo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters II.

Zimmerman opened the bidding at $ 5,000.

Proving that there’s still some good in the world, the auction quickly became so overwhelmed with fake bids that the UGG’s website crashed.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to halt the sale of the weapon, as the site continued to host the auction, just with a complex email verification process in place of its usual login.

It’s partially because of the increased security that we don’t know exactly how much the gun sold for, but TMZ is reporting that the auction netted Zimmerman a nauseating $ 120,000.

And what will he use the money for?

Well, if you know anything about Zimmerman, you won’t be surprised to learn that he’s donating the proceeds to legal groups that fight against the Black Lives Matter movement and anti-Hillary Clinton Super PACs.

Clearly a man with no politically- or racially-charged axe to grind whatsoever.

And for those who don’t know much about Zimmerman, we recommend you take a gander at what he’s been up to in the years since his controversial murder trial.

Highlights include hitting his girlfriend with a wine bottle and initiating more unecessary gunplay because we imagine if you could see the world through George Zimmerman’s eyes, it would look like a first-person shooter game.

There are rumors that a famous figure (some say Kendrick Lamar) purchased the gun just to destroy it.

We’d like to believe that, but it seems too good to be true.

We hate to sound cynical, but sometimes in life, evil simply triumphs over good.

Case in point – George Zimmerman walks the streets as a free man.

View Slideshow: 17 Celebrities Who May Have Killed People

George Zimmerman to Auction Off Gun Used to Kill Trayvon Martin

In the midst of this divisive election season, it’s important to focus on the things that all reasonable human beings can agree on.

For instance, we all know George Zimmerman is a sentient post-Chipotle dump, and he provided us with further evidence today.

The 32-year-old vigilante was acquitted of murdering 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in 2013 and has engaged in several criminal acts in the years since.

Sadly, given his long history of violence it wasn’t all that shocking when Zimmerman hit his girlfriend with a wine bottle or engaged in gunplay with another motorist during a road rage incident last year.

However, Zimmerman is committed to showing the world that he’s a real competitor for the title of Worst Piece of Sh-t on the Planet, so he does things like tweet photos of Martin’s dead body – and auction off the gun he used to kill the boy.

Yes, Zimmerman announced today that he will be selling the weapon that ended Martin’s life – which he describes as a “piece of American history” – to the highest bidder.

“The firearm for sale is the firearm that was used to defend my life and end the brutal attack from Trayvon Martin,” wrote Zimmerman in a social media post.

He added that the proceeds will be donated to organizations that oppose Hillary Clinton, the Black Lives Matter movement, and Angela Corey, the State Attorney who investigated Martin’s death.

“I am proud to announce that a portion of the proceeds will be used to: fight BLM violence against Law Enforcement officers, ensure the demise of Angela Correy’s [sic] persecution career and Hillary Clinton’s anti-firearm rhetoric,” Zimmerman wrote.

Though he stops just short of making specific threats, Zimmerman’s auction announcement reads a violent, paranoid tirade against his enemies.

At one point he complains of being personally victimized by “B. Hussein Obama.”

Asked during an interview with a Florida radio station about how he expects critics to react, Zimmerman responded:

“They’re not going to be bidding on it, so I couldn’t care less about them. I’m a free American. I can do what I like with my possessions.”

And as free Americans, we’d like to exercise our right to remind the world that you’re a talking mound of excrement.

View Slideshow: 17 Celebrities Who May Have Killed People

Chris Martin: Split From Gwyneth Paltrow Was "A Weird One"

This guy is friggin’ adorable.

While Gwyneth paltrow is GOOPing about and wearing odd-looking onesies, Chris Martin may have finally risen up from the ashes of his broken marriage.

Martin spoke to The Sunday Times from Santa Monica, CA about the infamous March 2014 announcement that was made on Paltrow’s lifestyle site, GOOP.

“It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate,” the statement read.  “We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate.

“We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.”

Since then, Martin and Paltrow have hung out on several occasions, most recently at the Super Bowl, where Martin and his band, Coldplay  Beyonce and Bruno Mars.

The divorce was finalized last April, but Martin still feels the effects.

“I still wake up down a lot of days. But now I feel like I’ve been given the tools to turn it around,” he told the British paper.

“You can come at it very aggressively and blame and blame,” he says of dealing with a split this serious.

“Or you can put yourself in the garage, so to speak.  Take yourself apart and clean off the bits. Reassemble.”

Martin admitted that it took him “a year to get it.  A year of depression and all that.

“It’s always out there in the media,” he continued, “but I have a very wonderful separation-divorce. It’s a divorce but it’s a weird one.

“It’s funny. I don’t think about that word very often- divorce. I don’t see it that way. I see it more like you meet someone, you have some time together and things just move through. ‘I’ve lived a lot of life since then.”

Martin was linked previously to Jennifer Lawrence, while Paltrow is dating producer Brad Falchuk.

George Martin Dies; Beatles Producer Was 90

Sir George Martin – the legendary music producer whose work with rock’s most iconic band earned him the title “the Fifth Beatle” – has passed away at the age of 90.

According to a statement from his manager, Adam Sharp, Martin “passed away peacefully at home” last night.

“In a career that spanned seven decades he was recognized globally as one of music’s most creative talents and a gentleman to the end. The family ask that their privacy be respected at this time,” Sharp says.

Though he worked with such beloved acts as America, Cheap Trick, Jeff Beck, and Celine Dion during his nearly 6-decade career, it’s the contributions he made in the studio during his seven years with the Beatles for which Martin is best remembered.

Far more than just a casual advisor, Martin was directly involved in the songwriting and recording process for some of the group’s most famous songs.

It was Martin’s idea to put a string arrangement on Paul McCartney’s “Yesterday,” even though McCartney himself staunchly opposed the idea.

He scored and conducted the string arrangement for “Eleanor Rigby,” revealing during a recent speaking tour that it was inspired by the iconic soundtrack for the Alfred Hitchcock film Psycho.

Martin even played the quirky piano solo on the band’s beloved tear-jerker “In My Life.”

Personal anecdotes and testaments to his musical brilliance have been pouring in on social media, most notably from those Martin worked with in the recording booth.

“God bless George Martin peace and love to Judy and his family love Ringo and Barbara,” Ringo Starr tweeted moments ago. “George will be missed.”

View Slideshow: Celebrities Who Passed Away in 2016: Gone, But Not Forgotten

Martin Shkreli: Robbed of $15 Million While Attempting to Purchase Kanye West Album

When most people want to buy an album, they open up iTunes and shell out the necessary $ 9.99.

When Martin Shkreli wants to buy an album, he wants fork over more cash than most people make their entire lives so that no one else can ever listen to it.

This obnoxious habit began when the much-reviled “pharma bro” paid $ 2 million for the sole copy of a Wu Tang Clan album that had previously been stored in a vault in Morocco.

The odd arrangement was orchestrated by Wu Tang members with the idea that whoever purchased the disc would in some way distribute it to the public. 

They didn’t account for someone like Shkreli, who appears to have no plans to share the album with anyone outside of his inner circle.

Apparently, Shkreli is really relishing the title of Most-Hated Man in Hip Hop, as he attempted to pull a similar stunt last week when he offered to buy the sole rights to Kanye West’s new album, The Life of Pablo, for $ 10 million.

Unfortunately for Shkreli, Kanye’s people saw through the offer as an obvious attempt to prevent, or at least delay, the album’s release.

Even more unfortunate for Shkreli is the fact that karma’s a bitch.

The 32-year-old former hedge fund manager – who first made headlines for jacking up the price of a life-saving medication when he was CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals – upped his offer to $ 15 million following Kanye’s star-studded release party.

With that kind of cash on the table, Shkreli was bound to generate some interest.

Hilariously, that interest came from someone who’s probably never even met Kanye.

Shkreli took to Twitter yesterday alleging that  he had been bilked of $ 15 million in Bitcoin by someone who identified himself as a friend of Kanye’s named Daquan.

Apparently, Shkreli was under the impression that Daquan would pass the money along to Kanye, who he believed had agreed to sell the rights to the album.

You’d think a guy who’s famous for screwing people over wouldn’t be quite so trusting.

“WHO THE F-CK HAS MY FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS??????” an increasingly irate Shkreli tweeted yesterday afternoon.

“SOMEONE NAMED DAQUAN SAID HE WAS KANYES BOY AND I SIGND THE DEAL TO BUY PALBO AND SENT THE BITCOIN. CALL THE POLICE THIS IS BULLSH-T

“I hope you all enjoy this stupid music SO much and the fact it has brought me so much pain and suffering. I quit rap.”

The irony of that statement is probably lost on Martin, but we’re sure there are many people who enjoy the album much more precisely for that reason.

View Slideshow: Kanye West Rants on Twitter, Defends Taylor Swift Lyric

Martin Shkreli Attempts to Purchase Sole Rights to New Kanye West Album, Remains Evil Douche

Former pharmaceutical exec and noted penis hole Martin Shkreli took his campaign to become the real-life incarnation of a Mr. Burns-like cartoonish supervillain to a new level moments ago, announcing on Twitter that he’d like to purchase the sole rights to Kanye West’s long-anticipated seventh studio album, The Life of Pablo.

Failing that, Shkreli says, he at least wants to prevent the record from being released on time. 

In an open letter to the rapper posted online moments ago, Shkreli wrote, “Instead of releasing this product for your millions of fans, I ask you to sell this recording solely to me, for the price of $ 10,000,000.

“I believe you (and your partners) will find this financial arrangement more attractive than your current course of action.”

Shkreli later tweeted, “Kanye and his label are legally required to take my offer letter to their Board of Directors …This should delay the album by a few days.”

You may remember that Shkreli purchased the only copy of the Wu Tang Clan’s Once Upon a Time in Shaolin back in December.

The difference there was that the Wu had always planned on selling a single copy to a wealthy super-fan, in hopes that said aficionado would eventually make the disc available to the public.

Shkreli has yet to do so, and he’s since butted heads with Ghostface Killah and other Wu Tang members as a result.

With Kanye, of course, Shkreli is taking on the hip hop world’s most famous ego, and it seems unlikely that the former hedge fund manager actually expects Yeezy to make a deal.

That said, we’re sure Mr. West will handle this elaborate act of trollery in a rational, level-headed fashion. Just kidding, ‘Ye’s about to go off on this dweeb.

Ghostface Killah to Martin Shkreli: You"re a Fake-Ass Supervillain on Ritalin!

Of all the random, completely unexpected celebrity feuds of the past year, none has been such an endless source of entertainment as the beef between Martin Shkreli and Ghostface Killah.

It all started when Shkreli bought a $ 2 million Wu Tang Clan album, which presumably contained the secret for making for cancer-curing cocaine out of common household items in the lyrics.

Maybe there"s a different reason for buying a $ 2 million record, but we can"t think of one.

Anyway, the Wu failed to pay Shkreli the respect he felt he deserved after he shelled out for the ludicrously-priced LP, and some members of the legendary hip hop crew even took jabs at the so-called "pharma bro" in interviews.

This led to the 32-year-old former hedge fund manager making the (possibly ill-advised) decision to threaten Ghostface Killah in various public forums, including an interview with The Breakfast Club in which he stated that he"d happily smack Ghost in the face.

It took a while, but today, Ghostface finally responded with the video below.

"You must be on Ritalin or something, man," Ghost tells Shkreli in the clip. "You a fake-ass supervillain."

Ghost is pissed, to be sure, but he also takes a moment to implore Shkreli to lower the price of the prescription medication Daraprim.

You may remember that Shkreli first became a household name when he was involved in the decision to jack up the price of the drug during his time as CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals.

Ghost actually spends a good chunk of the clip encouraging Shkreli to "get down with" him and lower the price for the good of the average consumer.

It"s worth noting that Shkreli has assured the public that he has a program in place to ensure that those who can"t afford Daraprim will still have access to the drug, and as he"s no longer with Turing, he may not be in a position to lower the cost.

Anyway, Ghost saves face (no pun intended) with a few light jabs at Shkreli, but ultimately seems more interested in offering an olive branch at one point even bringing out his own "goons" (his mother and sister) to shame Martin for his public attacks.

So, it looks like Shkreli v Ghost may soon come to an end. Enjoy it while you can:

Martin Shkreli SLAMS Ghostface Killah: I"d Smack Him in the Face Right Now!

In case you’ve been missing out on one of the most hilarious celebrity feuds in recent memory, allow us to fill you in on Martin Shkreli v Ghostface Killah.

You’ll need the background info in which order to fully appreciate this video in which a skinny white kid threatens to smack one of the world’s most famous rappers during a live radio broadcast:

Martin Shkreli Threatens to Smack Ghostface Killah!

You may already know Shkreli as the “Pharma Bro” who jacked up the cost on a life-saving HIV and cancer medication by more than 5,000% while he was CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals.

To many in the hip hop community, however, Shkreli is better known as the dude who paid $ 2 million for a Wu-Tang Clan album. Of course, it wasn’t just any Wu Tang album.

You see, the Wu only pressed a single copy of Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, and until Shkreli shelled out an absurd sum for it, the disc was sitting in a vault in Marrakech, like some artifact from a freakin’ Indiana Jones movie.

But despite his cartoonish, Scrooge McDuck-esque display of wealth, the Wu still had no love for Martin.

In fact, Ghostface pointed out that Shkreli’s nose looks a bit like Michael Jackson’s around the time of cosmetic procedure number 94.

Shkreli got pissed and posted a video in which he threatens Ghostface while a bunch of “goons” pose menacingly behind him.

That brings us today, and Martin’s unintentionally hilarious interview with The Breakfast Club.

There are so many reasons to watch the video above in its entirety that we couldn’t possibly highlight them all here.

• Charlamagne Tha God cals Shkreli a “privileged, entitled prick” like 10 seconds in.


• Shkreli talks about discovering rap while he was managing his first hedge fund like that’s some kind of universal experience.


• The dude admits he bought the Wu Tang album so that people would think he has a big penis!

The highlight, of course, is Shkreli talking tough:

“If you want to talk shit, I’m not the one,” he says, when asked about Ghostface. “If he were here right now, I’d smack him right in the face.”

Yup. Like we said, the whole clip is worth watching. It’s not every day you get to see a man sign his own death certificate.

Martin Shkreli Threatens Ghostface Killah in Bizarre Video, May Want to Leave New York ASAP

Of all the strange news stories that went viral in 2015, perhaps none featured as many unexpected twists and turns as that of the so-called "Pharma Bro," Martin Shkreli.

It all started when Shkreli jacked up the price of Daraprim – a life-saving medication used by HIV and cancer patients to prevent Toxoplasmosis – by more than 5,000 percent.

Naturally, Shkreli made a lot of enemies as a result of his abject greed and callous disregard for human life, including Vermont senator and current presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders, whom Shkreli attempted to engage in a bizarre online feud.

But the 32-year-old"s latest beef has nothing to do with his unethical business practices, or even his recent arrest for securities fraud. 

You see, instead of attempting to win over his many, many critics through some sort of philanthropic endeavor, Shkreli recently went on a wild spending spree, scooping up a number of wildly ostentatious status symbols, including a $ 2 million Wu Tang album.

The iconic hip hop crew only pressed one copy of the disc, with the expectation that whatever well-heeled fan purchased it would happily release it to the public.

Unfortunately, they didn"t account for the possibility of someone like Shkreli buying the record.

Shkreli seems to have made the purchase for no other reason than to play an absurdly expensive game of keep-away with the hip hop community.

He"s boasted about owning the album, but seems to have no plans to make it available to anyone else. In fact, he recently threatened to erase it.

Wu Tang members the RZA and Ghostface Killah have expressed their distaste for Shkreli, and the former pharmaceutical exec has responded by issuing a series of threats on social media, culminating in the video below.

The clip – which was posted just moments ago – features Shkreli launching into a bizarre tirade while a bunch of masked goons pose menacingly behind him.

It"s truly obnoxious, but we suggest you check it out. After all, it"s not every day that you get to hear what may be a man"s last words.

Zac Efron Stirs Controversy with Idiotic Martin Luther King Tweet

Note to Zac Efron: 

You may wanna stick to just taking your shirt off going forward. That always seems to work out well for you.

Attempting to honor one of the most impressive human beings to ever set foot on this planet? Not so much.

As you can see above, the That Awkward Moment actor had himself a very awkward moment on social media yesterday when he Tweeted the following in conjunction with Martin Luther King Day:

I’m grateful for a couple things today: Martin Luther King Jr & 10 million followers on IG.

Efron included with these words a photo of himself rocking aviators and cruising down a palm tree-lined street at dusk.

Oh, and he also included two emojis of a darker-toned pointer finger and fist sign.

Where did Efron go wrong? Just about everywhere, but let’s start with mentioning the world’s best-known civil rights leader in the same breath as his personal Instagram count.

One of these things seems a tad more important than the other.

And it didn’t take long for Internet users to blast Efron for his very poor Tweet choice.

“This is one of the most offensive/diminishing/disrespectful things anyone has said in relation to MLK today. Get over yourself,” Tweeted @AaronTheH, while even someone named @EfronEternal took issue with the well-chiseled star.

“Zac I [heart] you,” this person wrote. “But whichever social media manager told you gaining 10 mil followers and MLK’s work are in the same vein, fire them.”

It’s true. Even Justin Bieber is likely shaking his head over this Tweet… and he once he hoped Anne Frank would have been a Belieber!

Once again: Leave the historical figures alone, all you hot famous men out there.

Just take your shirts off and keeps your mouths shut.

Martin Shkreli: Arrested For Securities Fraud!

You may know Martin Shkreli as the douche who jacked up the price of the life-saving AIDS drug Daraprim.

But with any luck, the inmates at Lewisburg Federal Correctional Facility will soon know him as the little weasel who’s willing to shell out more commissary Hot Pockets for protection than any terrified new fish in cell block history.

Shkreli was arrested this morning on charges of securities and wire fraud after an investigation revealed that the 32-year-old penis wrinkle CEO had used stock from his former drug company to pay off past debts from a hedge fund he ran into the ground.

We don’t want to jump the gun and call this a Christmas miracle just yet (The guy still has to be convicted and sentenced, after all.), but it’s hard not to get excited over the idea of karma delivering a ball-shattering crotch kick to a guy who’s horrendously dick-holish behavior isn’t limited to rolling the dice with the lives of millions of sick people.

Shkreli was recently accused of stalking and harassing a former employee; he was fired from his post at Retrophin (the company whose stock he essentially stole) “because of serious concerns about his conduct,” and he enjoys flaunting his obscene wealth by purchasing extravagant status symbols like a $ 2 million Wu-Tang Clan album.

(Hilariously, Wu-honcho the RZA blasted Shkreli on social media, and the little fella got all worked up about it.)

As of today, Twitter fights and random feuds with Bernie Sanders are probably pretty low on the wannabe-G’s list of 99 problems, as he’s facing a lengthy prison sentence if convicted.

Hey, look on the bright side Martin: You might finally get some of that street cred you so desperately seek. They probably won’t let you take your collection of priceless, limited-edition Air Jordans into the clink with you, though.

Martin Shkreli Purchases $2 Million Wu-Tang Album, Remains Douchiest Man Alive

You may remember Martin Shkreli as the smirking cartoon supervillain who jacked up the price of a life-saving medication more than 5,400 percent.

But if you looked at that picture and figured Shkreli couldn’t get any more punchable, prepare to be amazed.

It turns out that in addition to being so hardcore that he pretended to break his hand in a fit of rage during a feud with Bernie “Da Boss” Sanders, Shkreli considers himself to be fully down with the streets, son.

In fact, his love of the hippity-hop runs so deep that when criticized for endangering the lives of millions of HIV patients by denying them access to a drug that helps stave off deadly infections, Shkreli responded by tweeting a bunch of Eminem lyrics.

Now, Shkreli has further demonstrated that cash rules everything around him by shelling out an astonishing $ 2 million for a single-pressing album from the Wu-Tang Clan.

Yes, the legendary hip hop group recently cemented its legacy as a bunch of guys who take themselves way too seriously by releasing a one-of-a-kind album that was sealed in a vault in Morocco before being purchased at auction last month.

It was initially reported that the buyer wanted to remain anonymous, which made sense, because who would want to be associated with such an obnoxiously extravagant purchase?

Sources later claimed that Quentin Tarantino bought the record, which also made sense, because Quentin Tarantino.

Now, Bloomberg Business is confirming that the disc was purchased by none other than the Doucheface Killah himself, Martin Shkreli.

If you’re hoping to hear the album yourself, then you may want to look into having your brain cryogenically preserved, because the Wu has insisted on an 88-year commercial ban, meaning that aside from Shkreli and his assuredly douchetastic inner circle, no one will hear Once Upon a Time in Shaolin until 2103.

Sources say Shkreli has yet to listen to the album himself, but of course, if there’s any justice in the universe, his face will immediately melt, a la an Indiana Jones Nazi, the moment he opens the packaging.

Martin Sheen Hopes "This is the First Day of the Rest of Charlie Sheen"s Life as a Free Man"

Like most of us, Martin Sheen watched the Today show on Tuesday, November 17th, waiting for his son, Charlie to reveal that he was HIV-Positive.

“He had been leading up to this sort of story for several months, and we kept encouraging him to do it,” Martin Sheen told the audience Tuesday night at CME Group’s Global Financial Leadership Conference, held at the Ritz-Carlton in Naples, FL.

“And he kept backing away and backing away because it was like going to his own execution, I guess.”

The elder Sheen, who has been sober since 1989, has stood by Charlie, along with his wife, Janet; they weren’t sure at first if their son was going to end up making the announcement.

“We didn’t know until he walked on the set this morning that he was going to do it,” Sheen said, according to the Naples Daily News.

“I saw him Saturday night, my wife and I went to see him, to make sure he knew we were behind him, and if he wanted me to go, I would have canceled this event. He said, no, this was his and his alone.”

Sheen got a bit choked up recalling the interview with Matt Lauer.

“I can’t speak for him of course. Sorry,” he said.  “As a father, I dare say that if I were to ask, just a general question in this room, how many of you have children or spouses or nieces, nephews, uncles, clients, who are dealing with drugs or alcohol.  I dare say that there isn’t a person in here that wouldn’t raise their hand.”

Charlie Sheen’s Doctor: He Does NOT Have AIDS

Sheen’s words made an impact on the audience as he talked about coping with and overcoming addiction, a battle Charlie has publicly struggled with.

“When someone comes to them-self, they have the moment of clarity, and they reveal their secrets — which all of us have — in public, it is a great sense of relief. It is a miraculous occasion.

“This morning, as I watched him alone, reveal his deepest, darkest secret, I couldn’t believe the level of courage I was witnessing, and that it was my son.”

“I left him a message, and I said that if I had that much courage, I would change the world,” Sheen said.

“I hope that this day is the first day of the rest of Charlie’s life as a free man.”

View Slideshow: 13 Disney Stars Gone Wild

Martin O"Malley Sings Taylor Swift on The View

Look out, Hillary Clinton!

You may be able to awkwardly dance to Jennifer Lopez, but Martin O"Malley just did you one better.

The Democratic hopeful appeared on The View today, taking some time to talk about real political issues before getting down to the important stuff:

His guitar-playing skills, which O"Malley showed off by not just covering Taylor Swift, but by proving he knows all about her rivalary with Katy Perry.

Migh this performance swing the election? No. No chance. Not in a million years. But watch it anyway.

Martin Shkreli: Pharma Douche Got So Mad at Bernie Sanders He Pretended to Punch a Wall

You may remember Martin Shkreli as the douche who jacked up the price of a life-saving drug by more than 5,000 percent.

People all over the Internet set aside their political differences and banded in together in their shared hatred of Shkreli, eventually shaming him into promising to lower the cost of the drug.

A month later, he has yet to actually do so, because, well…he sucks.

If you happen to be the one person who has any doubts about Shkreli’s suckiness (Hi, Martin!), perhaps your mind will be changed by the hilarious tale of how this sh-tbag got so mad at a presidential candidate that he decided to fake a toddler tantrum:

It all started when Shkreli attempted to troll Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders by donating $ 2,700 to his presidential campaign.

When Sanders awesomely refused the donation and decided instead to donate the same amount to a public health clinic, Shkreli got so mad that he stamped his little feet until someone paid attention.

“SO ANGRY AT @BernieSanders I COULD PUNCH A WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Shkreli tweeted last night.

As if that weren’t melodramatic enough, he followed it up by tweeting, “Ugh, does anyone know how to treat a wrist fracture without going to a hospital?”

When a follower asked, “Doofus you actually punched the wall, huh?” Shkreli replied, “yeah and now one bone is sticking out.”

This is where the con gets elaborate – and hilariously lame.

In an effort to prove that he’s a totally pissed off badass and not a pale virgin with a trust fund, Shkreli tweeted a photo of his “broken wrist.”

Fortunately, the folks at Gawker quickly pointed out that he clearly just pulled an image from the web and photoshopped his name onto it. 

Once busted, Shkreli desperately backpedaled with the old OMG, I was totally joking, LOLZ! Gotcha! routine.

Of course, anyone who’s ever dealt with a remorseful toddler or the worst kind of grownup douche has seen this routine before and can recognize how sadly hilarious and hilariously sad it is.

In conclusion, Martin Shkreli remains the worst.

50 Shades Of Cristiano Ronaldo! Soccer Star Reportedly Starring In Martin Scorsese"s Film About The Real Life Christian Grey!

This sounds WAY too good to be true!

According to reports, Cristiano Ronaldo is making the jump from athlete to movie star — and his acting resume is already accumulating stellar credentials!

The Real Madrid star has reportedly been offered a part in Martin Scorsese‘s new film The Manipulator, based on the life of the elusive millionaire Alessandro Proto!

This Italian real estate mogul is supposedly the real life inspiration for Christian Grey, the titular character in E.L. James‘s 50 Shades Of Grey series!

Video: Dakota Johnson Does Jimmy Fallon’s Accent Challenge!

Rumor has it that Ronaldo’s involvement with the project is due to the fact that he recently bought an apartment located in the Trump Tower, which used to belong to Proto.

And Scorsese is ALL about authenticity in his films, so much so that he allegedly promised the goalscorer screen time in exchange for a filming location!

This may seem more far-fetched than the entire premise of 50 Shades, but we’re okay with suspending our disbelief if it means we can fantasise about the hunky soccer star on the big screen!

What do YOU think?

[Image via Oscar Gonzalez/Adriana M. Barraza/WENN.]