Khloe Kardashian: I Want to Elope With Tristan Thompson, ASAP!

It’s been over a month since Tristan Thompson was caught cheating on Khloe Kardashian, and despite the hopes of fans and her family, she still hasn’t dumped him.

Now a spine-chilling report has come out that Khloe is planning to elope with Tristan and marry him, since no one else supports their union.

Oh no, Khloe.

RadarOnline reports that Khloe Kardashian is scrambling together a wedding with Tristan Thompson … and that her mortified family is refusing to be a part of it.

According to their sources, Khloe is “desperate” — their word — to get hitched to her cheating baby daddy.

Now, the Kardashians are known for circling the wagons and supporting each other under a variety of circumstances, but even that famous Kardashian solidarity has its limits.

Per the sources, Khloe’s family is refusing to take part in such a wedding “under any circumstances.”

Sometimes, the ones you love are more protective of you than you are.

This source reveals that, like so many of Khloe’s fans and other decent human beings, the Kardashians are furious with Tristan after he and his cheating scandal humiliated Khloe.

“They detest this guy with a passion.”

While all of this has come from sources, Kris Jenner herself said that talking about Khloe and Tristan makes her cry.

“And cannot believe Khloe’s let him walk all over her like this.”

Khloe has a strong personality and is always vocal in defending her sisters from slimy guys. It’s sad that she doesn’t advocate for herself like that.

Apparently, their attempts to get through to her have been unsuccessful.

“Even after their intervention to Ohio, she’s defending him.”

She’s defending him … for cheating … on her?

“And refusing to believe the cheating stories which she insists were exaggerated.”

We are deeply curious to know how one exaggerates a video.

Did he take a woman up to his room to show her his etchings?

When he was fooling around with those two women in a hookah bar, did he accidentally fall and his face just landed upon one’s bosom?

It sounds like those reports that Khloe is in denial still hold water.

This source claims that Khloe is too entranced by Tristan to give him the boot.

“He has a real grip over her.”

The source goes on, observing that Khloe’s alleged wedding plans are evidence of how out of her gourd she has become.

“And it speaks volumes that Khloe’s desperate to get hitched this summer.”

This summer?

Khloe, this is not the way.

We can’t verify this story, as it comes from unnamed sources. We would love nothing more than to learn that the sources are mistaken.

We want to believe that Khloe has more sense than that.

The source does reveal the sort of wedding that Khloe would like.

“Ideally she’d like a splashy white wedding but with nobody in her corner it’ll more likely be a straight elopement instead.”

So, in other words, Tristan didn’t just ruin the week of their daughter’s birth, he’s also blown Khloe’s chance at having the wedding of her dreams.

“Kim, Kris, Kourtney, and co are adamant they won’t be in the same room as Tristan, let alone a wedding chapel.”

Considering that Kim unfollowed Tristan on Instagram, she can’t even look at the guy’s face without feeling enraged.

We hope that Khloe snaps out of it. Maybe she’ll have to wait until more evidence surfaces. Or until the next time he cheats.

Until then, fans will keep trolling Khloe whenever they get the chance. It’s their version of tough love.

View Slideshow: Khloe Kardashian: Why She SHOULD Leave Tristan Thompson, But Never Will

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Meghan Markle & Prince Harry: Making a Baby ASAP After Wedding!

In case you somehow haven’t heard by now, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry will be married on Saturday with their loved ones looking on.

Meghan’s family won’t be there, of course, but we assume they’ll check it out on TV if there’s nothing else on.

Anyway, the ceremony is sure to feature all the glitz and glamor and bedazzled, horse-drawn carriages that have made previous royal weddings so memorable.

But this time there’s a giant elephant in the room in the room, and he’s wearing a diaper.

Just ten weeks after she says “I do,” Meghan will turn 37.

That’s certainly not old, by any means, and anyone with functioning eyeballs can see that Meghan is a gorgeous woman who could convincingly play a character a decade her junior.

Unfortunately, it’s a sad fact of human anatomy that the uterus is incapable of fooling a casting director.

That’s our very idiotic way of saying that if Harry and Meghan want kids, they better work quickly.

And according to a new report from Radar Online, they’re planning to do exactly that.

“Harry and Meghan want to get pregnant as quickly as possible after their wedding,” a source tells the site.

“They both know that as Meghan gets older, it can get increasingly harder to conceive – and they are both keenly aware of her vulnerability to health complications and the chance of miscarriage the older she gets.”

And, of course, they’re both well aware of what’s at stake.

If Meghan produces a male heir within the first year of marriage, her family will be gifted with four stout pack mules and a fowl of their choosing.

If she fails, she’ll be locked in the Tower of London, where she’ll remain until a knight of virtue true slays the two-headed hydra.

We haven’t looked any of this stuff up, but we feel perfectly comfortable putting it out on the internet because we never learned how to be responsible. 

In all seriousness, the insider adds that while there’s “no chance” that Harry would have held off on marrying Meghan if she couldn’t bear children, the couple has already consulted with a fertility expert who has assured them that all systems are go.

“Meghan has always looked after herself by eating healthily, and doing a lot of exercise including yoga,” says the source.

“Being in optimum health increases any woman’s chances of conceiving, and someone in Meghan’s shape should especially have no problem in that area,” the insider adds.

“The only issue is that she knows she is heading for the big 4-0, so knows the sooner she gets pregnant the better.”

As you’ve probably heard by now, Meghan’s siblings and father are all terrible, so it’s comforting to know she’ll soon have a family of her own.

They say the best revenge is living well.

And the second best revenge is having ridiculously photogenic children.

View Slideshow: Meghan Markle’s Exes: The Royal’s Surprising Romantic Past Exposed!

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Daniel Cormier Says He Ain"t Fighting Jon Jones Again Unless He Returns ASAP

Daniel Cormier says the clock is ticking on a Jon Jones rematch … ‘cause he’s retiring when he turns 40 (next March), period.  We got the UFC light heavyweight champ on the “TMZ Sports” TV show … and asked if there was any way he’d…

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Arie Luyendyk Jr. and Lauren Burnham: We"re Getting Marrie ASAP!

Lauren Burnham has only been engaged to Arie Luyendyk Jr. for a short time, but she’s already been talking about the idea of a TV wedding.

And so is Arie. And so is Lauren’s mother.

From this new interview, it sounds like this controversial couple is racing to the altar.

In the new issue of Life & Style, Arie and Lauren reveal a lot about where their relationship is headed.

And while it’s no surprise that the couple who became engaged on international television is planning to get married, it sounds like they’re eager to tie the knot.

36-year-old Arie muses that he and his bride-to-be might tie the knot outside of the U.S.

“We might do a destination wedding.”

Well, since Minnesota is off-limits and given how the couple is generally viewed by the Bachelor Nation, maybe that’s for the best.

Lauren Burnham’s mother, Pamela, has her own aspirations for the couple’s wedding.

“I hope it will be in the summer,” she says. “Lauren’s on cloud nine with Arie.”

There are people in this world who (for reasons that are mystifying to others) enjoy summer weather. Perhaps she just thinks that it would make for a lovely wedding season.

But one cannot help but wonder if Pamela is thinking less about the weather and more about hoping that her daughter doesn’t become just another dumped fiancee by the notoriously indecisive Arie.

True, Pamela doesn’t say “this” summer, but … considering how eager this couple sounds, that might be her agenda.

Arie and Lauren say that they’re planning on a wedding in August of September. Autumn doesn’t begin until September 22nd, so Pamela might just get what she wants.

It looks like Arie and Lauren are pushing the narrative that they’re not so unpopular after all, actually.

“I thought we would get a lot more backlash,” Lauren admits.

Arie jumps in to reinforce that, saying:

“Since we’ve been out in public the last few days, people have been really supportive. It’s been really sweet.”

Of course, since the two of them have been avoiding social media, they’re not really seeing what fans have been saying about them.

(That hasn’t stopped the two of them from posting to social media, including that time that they shamed gym patrons)

There are celebrities whom you wouldn’t save from falling off of a cliff, but most — even the ones that you dislike — would elicit excitement and well wishes from people who are heavily critical of them.

It’s called politeness, folks.

Life & Style delves into the possibility that the couple might have a TV wedding, with their insider revealing:

“They’d love to get married on TV because it would be a continuation of their love story.”

“They want viewers to be able to see the next chapter of their journey.”

Oh, and if they did have a TV wedding, it wouldn’t be for free — it would mean that ABC would pay for most if not all of the wedding.

When Life & Style asked Lauren’s mother, Pamela, about the idea, she was enthusiastically supportive.

“That would be wonderful. My husband’s probably going to jump up and down at that thought!”

But they shouldn’t count on that — insiders reveal that ABC might not want to film the wedding.

Arie and Lauren have been the targets of a huge amount of backlash (even if they haven’t seen it), and the network might be reluctant to gamble on viewers hate-watching it.

Advertisers might feel similarly.

But a lack of a TV wedding wouldn’t mean that they don’t get married.

Even if the whole world is disgusted with Arie, it sounds like Lauren’s parents really like him. We’re sure that Lauren’s friends are supportive, too.

That, for her, is going to be what matters more than backlash.

Of course, that’s assuming that Arie doesn’t change his mind again and go running back to yet another ex. We all saw how Arie slid into Bekah Martinez’s DMs.

View Slideshow: Lauren Burnham: See Her Sexiest Instagram Photos!

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Pierce Brosnan Puts Out House Fire Lawsuit ASAP

Pierce Brosnan isn’t leaving any loose ends burning — just 14 days after he was sued over a house fire … the lawsuit’s been dismissed. TMZ broke the story … Pierce was sued by Fireman’s Fund Insurance Co. claiming in 2015 it was forced to…

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Kate Middleton to Prince William: Umm, Lose the Dad Bod ASAP Bruh!

Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton is allegedly “concerned” about Prince William’s alleged “dad bod,” a hilarious new report claims.

The whole concept of “dad bod” implies that a guy, typically but not necessarily in his mid-30s or early 40s, starts to put on some weight.

Because, as dads, they have less time to work on their chiseled physique. Or they’re just 5-10 years older than they used to be. Either/or.

Somehow, Celeb Dirty Laundry got ahold of EXCLUSIVE gossip regarding William’s weight and body shape – and Kate’s grave concerns.

Middleton’s husband, according to the celebrity gossip website, just “no longer looks like the heartthrob he used to be during his prime.”

It’s a sad realization for any 35-year-old.

According to the insider, this is harder to stomach than you might think, because “appearance means everything for Middleton.”

Ouch. Who knew she was so vain!?

“She won’t be able to keep up her reputation for always looking immaculate if her royal husband looks out of shape,” the source adds. 

The website goes on to add that Kate can’t help but compare Wills to his hot younger brother – who’s about to get engaged to a hot girl.

“There’s also the fact that Prince Harry is close to proposing to his girlfriend, Meghan Markle,” the insider says, and this is so troubling.

“Once they officially become an engaged couple, it’s without a doubt that the media will [compare] Harry and Meghan to William and Kate.”

“The last thing Kate wants is for [anybody out there] to think that she picked the out-of-shape, balding royal brother to marry.”

Gonna be rough.

We’re not calling ourselves the celebrity news police or anything, but in our opinion, we wouldn’t put a lot of stock in this report.

William, for one, is a regular player of soccer and polo, has been a search and rescue pilot, and is very active on a daily basis.

Hardly “dad bod” material.

Not to mention, it certainly hasn’t stopped her from sleeping with him at least three times in the last five years, if you know what we mean.

We mean she’s now pregnant for the third time, that’s more times than a lot of married couples have slept together in the last five years.

Are we right people?!

Anyway, check out more cases of tabloids making up entertaining but bogus tales of the royal couple through the years below.

View Slideshow: William and Kate: 18 Times The Tabloids Got It Wrong

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Joy-Anna Duggar: Courting, Getting Married ASAP at Parents" Urging?!

Joy Anna Duggar only just turned 19, but with Jinger married, she may be the next Duggar family member to be navigating the ol’ courtship rules.

Fans feel that since Jim Bob and Michelle are putting her in more pics than ever on the family’s Instagram, Joy-Anna is next in line to court.

With a girl as pretty, smart, fun and sweet as Joy Anna is, who can blame them? Except for people who wish they’d chill on the courting?

The most recent picture of Joy-Anna features her with her nephew Israel, who as you know if you watch Counting On online, is Jill’s son.

Obviously, like all the Duggar girls, maternal instincts and love for babies are in her DNA … but will she soon be having some of her own?

Her daily life is airing right now on TLC, and especially after Jinger’s wedding episode, it might be Joy-Anna’s turn to step into the spotlight.

After all, she’s one of the eligible girls in the family to start courting, and given the family business, the pressure to get engaged is strong.

Before any suitors come barging into her life, though, she has her brothers, who have promised they will seriously vet any real candidates.

“For me, he would almost have to be a perfect guy,” Jedidiah said to People of that possibility. “And he would go through a lot of testing!”

Josiah added, “If guys come around, they’re going to have to get through a few guys. [I’m] talking about me and [my brother] Joseph.”

“If a guy shows up to court Joy, there will definitely be a lot of us standing back a little bit, kind of checking him out,” Joseph then interjected.

Despite the humor of a pair of young virgins threatening an outsider (like Jeremy Vuolo in Jinger’s case), the sentiment is quite sweet.

It’s clear that the birthday girl (she turned 19 just a few weeks ago) is loved by all the members of her family, especially by her brothers.

Those who are closer in age to her, including the now-married Jinger, have long been Joy-Anna’s biggest fans and most vocal champions.

“I think it’s really neat to see throughout the years [how] she’s really changed and grown up a lot,” Jinger said, according to the magazine.

“Years ago, she would have been the tomboy out in the trees and climbing all over the place, never wanting to fix her hair.”

Not any longer.

Joy has said:

“I think being the only girl in the middle of eight brothers, I was definitely a tomboy back in the day, I was always hanging out with my brothers.”

“But now I’m kind of getting out of that stage,” she says, as she closes in on her third decade on Earth, “and trying to grow out of that.”

Despite being close to Jinger, Joy-Anna was not chosen as her maid of honor at her wedding; Jessa Duggar got the nod in that department.

It was not immediately clear why Jinger made that selection, or why no one ever seems to talk about Jana Duggar courting at age 26.

Still, there’s little doubt that if, and when, Joy-Anna is thinking about courting and getting engaged, there will be no shortage of suitors.

View Slideshow: Joy-Anna Duggar Photos: The New Face of a Famous Family!

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Lindsay Lohan Wants to Get Pregnant ASAP?!

It’s been two months since we first learned that Lindsay Lohan is dating a Russian real estate agent named Egor Tarabazov.

Lohan hasn’t done any real movie work in years, and by all accounts, the Mean Girls royalties are drying up and her savings have all but disappeared up her nose.

Tarabazov, on the other hand, is rumored to be so rich and well-connected that he thinks he’ll be able to pull off the impossible task of saving Lindsay’s career.

For obvious reasons, Lindsay has her four brain cells that didn’t meet their demise at the end of a rolled-up twenty in some West Hollywood bathroom stall working hard on the problem of how to lock this guy down.

Obviously, she’s trying to get him to put a ring on it, and there’s already been talk of Lindsay and Egor getting married.

But Lindsay’s been working this kind of hustle for a long time and she understands that a situation like this might require her to play the long con”

“Lindsay says she wants to be a mom,” one insider tells Life & Style. “Egor wants kids, and that’s how talk of a baby started.”

The source adds that Lindsay “has changed” and is “ready to embrace motherhood to the fullest.”

Good, good…now if she can just remember to where sunglasses when she talks about the baby, so that no one sees her pupils turn into dollar signs…

Martin Shkreli Threatens Ghostface Killah in Bizarre Video, May Want to Leave New York ASAP

Of all the strange news stories that went viral in 2015, perhaps none featured as many unexpected twists and turns as that of the so-called "Pharma Bro," Martin Shkreli.

It all started when Shkreli jacked up the price of Daraprim – a life-saving medication used by HIV and cancer patients to prevent Toxoplasmosis – by more than 5,000 percent.

Naturally, Shkreli made a lot of enemies as a result of his abject greed and callous disregard for human life, including Vermont senator and current presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders, whom Shkreli attempted to engage in a bizarre online feud.

But the 32-year-old"s latest beef has nothing to do with his unethical business practices, or even his recent arrest for securities fraud. 

You see, instead of attempting to win over his many, many critics through some sort of philanthropic endeavor, Shkreli recently went on a wild spending spree, scooping up a number of wildly ostentatious status symbols, including a $ 2 million Wu Tang album.

The iconic hip hop crew only pressed one copy of the disc, with the expectation that whatever well-heeled fan purchased it would happily release it to the public.

Unfortunately, they didn"t account for the possibility of someone like Shkreli buying the record.

Shkreli seems to have made the purchase for no other reason than to play an absurdly expensive game of keep-away with the hip hop community.

He"s boasted about owning the album, but seems to have no plans to make it available to anyone else. In fact, he recently threatened to erase it.

Wu Tang members the RZA and Ghostface Killah have expressed their distaste for Shkreli, and the former pharmaceutical exec has responded by issuing a series of threats on social media, culminating in the video below.

The clip – which was posted just moments ago – features Shkreli launching into a bizarre tirade while a bunch of masked goons pose menacingly behind him.

It"s truly obnoxious, but we suggest you check it out. After all, it"s not every day that you get to hear what may be a man"s last words.