Monday, October 19, 2015

Martin Shkreli: Pharma Douche Got So Mad at Bernie Sanders He Pretended to Punch a Wall

You may remember Martin Shkreli as the douche who jacked up the price of a life-saving drug by more than 5,000 percent.


People all over the Internet set aside their political differences and banded in together in their shared hatred of Shkreli, eventually shaming him into promising to lower the cost of the drug.



A month later, he has yet to actually do so, because, well…he sucks.


If you happen to be the one person who has any doubts about Shkreli’s suckiness (Hi, Martin!), perhaps your mind will be changed by the hilarious tale of how this sh-tbag got so mad at a presidential candidate that he decided to fake a toddler tantrum:


It all started when Shkreli attempted to troll Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders by donating $ 2,700 to his presidential campaign.


When Sanders awesomely refused the donation and decided instead to donate the same amount to a public health clinic, Shkreli got so mad that he stamped his little feet until someone paid attention.


“SO ANGRY AT @BernieSanders I COULD PUNCH A WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Shkreli tweeted last night.


As if that weren’t melodramatic enough, he followed it up by tweeting, “Ugh, does anyone know how to treat a wrist fracture without going to a hospital?”


When a follower asked, “Doofus you actually punched the wall, huh?” Shkreli replied, “yeah and now one bone is sticking out.”


This is where the con gets elaborate – and hilariously lame.


In an effort to prove that he’s a totally pissed off badass and not a pale virgin with a trust fund, Shkreli tweeted a photo of his “broken wrist.”


Fortunately, the folks at Gawker quickly pointed out that he clearly just pulled an image from the web and photoshopped his name onto it. 




Martin Shkreli X-Ray



Once busted, Shkreli desperately backpedaled with the old OMG, I was totally joking, LOLZ! Gotcha! routine.


Of course, anyone who’s ever dealt with a remorseful toddler or the worst kind of grownup douche has seen this routine before and can recognize how sadly hilarious and hilariously sad it is.


In conclusion, Martin Shkreli remains the worst.