You may know Martin Shkreli as the douche who jacked up the price of the life-saving AIDS drug Daraprim.
But with any luck, the inmates at Lewisburg Federal Correctional Facility will soon know him as the little weasel who’s willing to shell out more commissary Hot Pockets for protection than any terrified new fish in cell block history.
Shkreli was arrested this morning on charges of securities and wire fraud after an investigation revealed that the 32-year-old penis wrinkle CEO had used stock from his former drug company to pay off past debts from a hedge fund he ran into the ground.
We don’t want to jump the gun and call this a Christmas miracle just yet (The guy still has to be convicted and sentenced, after all.), but it’s hard not to get excited over the idea of karma delivering a ball-shattering crotch kick to a guy who’s horrendously dick-holish behavior isn’t limited to rolling the dice with the lives of millions of sick people.
Shkreli was recently accused of stalking and harassing a former employee; he was fired from his post at Retrophin (the company whose stock he essentially stole) “because of serious concerns about his conduct,” and he enjoys flaunting his obscene wealth by purchasing extravagant status symbols like a $ 2 million Wu-Tang Clan album.
(Hilariously, Wu-honcho the RZA blasted Shkreli on social media, and the little fella got all worked up about it.)
As of today, Twitter fights and random feuds with Bernie Sanders are probably pretty low on the wannabe-G’s list of 99 problems, as he’s facing a lengthy prison sentence if convicted.
Hey, look on the bright side Martin: You might finally get some of that street cred you so desperately seek. They probably won’t let you take your collection of priceless, limited-edition Air Jordans into the clink with you, though.