Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The Bachelorette Recap: Don"t Leave Chad Hanging ... or You DIE

The Bachelorette Season 12 is in full swing (and The Bachelorette spoilers already tell us who wins) as Summer 2016 kicks off.


Don’t click the link above if you don’t want to know how everything plays out … but either way, you don’t need spoilers to tell you this:



JoJo Fletcher’s journey for love will not be drama-free with this collection of dudes – and their raging hormones and egos – vying for her.


Seriously, there are so many villains it’s amazing.


Typically, when the paramedics are dispatched to the set (yes, this happens enough that we can say typically), it’s not as bad as it looks.


Either someone wants attention, or time with the man or woman of the hour, or the producers are trying to cut some slick ABC promos.


Not the case this time, by all accounts.


When JoJo put Luke, Grant, Will, Evan, Daniel, Vinny, Ali, James, Robby and Wells through firefighting drills, the latter couldn’t take it.


Wells ended up needing medical attention, while Grant, an actual firefighter, won the group date (slightly unfair) and time with JoJo.


Luke, meanwhile, wins this season’s award for dude who acts like he does not watch The Bachelorette online. Or has heard of the show.


What we mean by that is complaining about how other people are getting time with JoJo. There are 20 men remaining and one woman.


Just saying … sort of the point bruh.



For her first, and last, one-on-one date this week, JoJo and Derek ended up drinking wine by the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.


Kisses and roses were exchanged.


Most memorably last night, there was an ESPN SportsNation themed group date, which was pretty unremarkable on merit except for …


Chad. That guy is a piece of work.


He spent the episode taking cheap shots at various guys, then gave Fletcher some #realtalk about his feelings for her … or lack thereof.


Then, Chad was creepily absent at the start of the cocktail party, when he instead waited for JoJo to get out of her limo, drinks in hand.


Running some game, this one.


If you watch the preview for the 2016 season, you know this is likely just the start of the instability, insanity and violence to come, too:



Later, things between Alex and Chad got heated, as the latter continued to emerge as a threat … not to win the show but to kill someone.


It also became clearer, as time dragged on, that the big winner of this night, though largely in absentia, was probably Jordan Rodgers.


Compared to the premiere, where he dominated JoJo’s time and screen time, Aaron Rodgers’ little bro was a bit player this episode.


Yet that’s likely a positive thing for him.


Why? Because maybe people will be talking about Chad and some of the other lunatics instead of the frontrunner’s ulterior motives.


At the end of the day, there’s a very long way to go this season, but not for James S., Will, and Brandon, who did not receive any roses.


Good luck fellas.