Vanderpump Rules Recap: The Sad End of Scheana and Mike

Monday on Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 21, Scheana Marie realized that Mike could be back on drugs after his erratic behavior. 

When the episode got underway, Katie Maloney was walking down the aisle to become Katie Schwartz with Tom Schwartz. 

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 21 Online

“Never text with tequila,” Lisa grinned as she gave us all a throwback to Tom and Katie’s more troubling times in their relationship. 

“I had been told that romance in L.A. was fleeting and often short-lived, often lasting only one night — according to my roommate Jax Taylor,” Schwartz said after ripping his vows apart and apparently speaking from the heart. 

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you were probably shocked the pair actually said, “I do.”

“It’s with a full heart and much pride and love that I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Lisa said.

“It is my pleasure to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Schwartz.”

Then, our favorite TV crew partied the night away, but there was drama when Jax pulled Brittany aside to apparently call time on their relationship. 

“Listen, I don’t think things are going well for us anymore,” Jax revealed, but he took it back as soon as Brittany started tearing up. 

He was joking, you guys! Producers probably had a heart attack during filming because the apparent spin-off that is in the works for them. 

After Ariana was against the whole marriage thing, a deflated Sandoval was chatted to by Lisa about a new business venture that would include him and Schwartz. 

She had a dream of opening a new bar called “Tom Tom,” inspired by the two boys, of course. They were both ecstatic, but Schwartz was too busy being happily married to think it through. 

After all of the exciting wedding scenes, the show pressed forward three months to reveal that Scheana was at Lisa’s house revealing the details about her marriage breakdown. 

“I found out recently about Shay …” Scheana began.

“He goes MIA for six days, doesn’t answer any of my calls, doesn’t talk to me.”

“Since you got married, it’s been bulls–t,” Lisa said, looking at Scheana.

“Since the day you found out he was addicted to pills, it’s all been bulls–t.” Lisa claimed to Scheana.

Scheana then revealed that her former love had emptied her bank account to fund his drug addiction. 

“I started checking emails, and I noticed ‘overdraft protection,’” Scheana said.

“I’m like, ‘Overdraft? There’s $ 7,000 in that account.’ I open my app, and there’s $ 32.”

This helped Scheana understand that her marriage was over, so she met with Shay and confirmed they were totes over. 

At least she has moved on with Robert Valetta. As for Shay, there’s a good chance we won’t see him again on the show, but what the actual heck?

Scheana was completely broken. It was horrible to watch. It was such a dark contrast from the events earlier in the episode. 

Next week: Reunion! Lala Kent returns!

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Scheana Shay Accuses Mike of Infidelity, Vanderpump Rules Reunion Taping EXPLODES in Scandal

It was all over for Scheana Marie Shay and Mike Shay in late November.

Following weeks of rumors and innuendo regarding their marriage, the Vanderpump Rules star confirmed their divorce in a joint statement.

“While we have made the difficult decision to move forward separately, our story will continue on through the love and mutual respect that we have cultivated throughout our 15-year friendship,” the controversial couple said at the time.

The reality star added:

“Much of the recent speculation and reporting on our relationship has been misguided, and we have come to an amicable decision on all matters.

“We might have failed at our marriage, [but] we are committed to succeeding as friends and will continue to support each other’s personal happiness and professional success.”

That was then, however.

This is what has happened now:

In a taping for the Vanderpump Rules Season 5 finale, Scheana came out this week and basically accused Mike of cheating on her.

“Have you spoken to Shay at all?” Lisa Vanderpump asks Scheana backstage in a Bravo-sponsored clip.

“I haven’t seen him since we filmed,” the reality star replied. “I think he’s going to be way more uncomfortable than I’m going to feel. I have a room of support and friends.”

For years prior to their split, Mike Shay battled a substance abuse problem.

In a 2015 episode of their popular reality series, Scheana Marie staged an intervention for her troubled man, but clearly it didn’t take, as Mike actually went missing for multiple days last fall.

It was presumed at the time that he had fallen off the wagon and was on some kind of drug binge.

It has also been presumed that this marriage fell apart as a result of Mike’s unfortunate dependency.

But maybe not.

“I caught him texting another girl,” Scheana claims at the reunion, to which Mike responds:

“I can’t even look at you right now.”

The three-part reunion special kicks off on Monday, April 3 and marks the first time the couple has seen each other since Scheana filed for divorce from the musician.

It sounds as if things are about to get a lot worse between the stars before they get a lot better. If they get better at all.

Scheana, as previously reported, is now dating Amber Valletta’s brother, Robert Valletta.

The relationship appears to be getting serious, which is another awkward topic you can expect to be broached at the reunion.

Will you be tuning in for this three-part special?

Sorry, that’s akin to asking whether Kylie Jenner will be wearing next to nothing in her next Instagram photo, right?

Of course you will be!

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Taco Tuesday, Wedding Wednesday!

On Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 20, it became obvious that Stassi had changed for the better, to the surprise of no one ever.

How did Lisa react to that, and did she figure out what was going on with Scheana when her waitress started acting erratically at work?

Also … Schwartz and Katie got married! For real!

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 20 Online

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you knew that with only 24 hours left until their big day, it was still up in the air whether it’d happen.

Katie and Schwartz had endured a tumultuous couple of weeks leading up to the wedding, to say the least, and everyone was freaking.

Jax Taylor, for one, was beyond stressed.

Tom Sandoval wanted to surprise his namesake by flying out his triplet brothers for the wedding, but the trio missed their flights to LA.

“I couldn’t think of anything that could suck more,” Jax lamented. “All they had to do was show up on time, and they couldn’t do that!”

Why Tom’s brothers flying in would be a surprise, we can’t say, but Mike Shay was feeling melancholy in the run-up to the event, too.

“His behavior lately has just been off,” Scheana Shay said, later lying to Lisa, who asked how everything has been going with her marriage:

“Amazing! We have our spark back!” she said.

“When we kiss, it’s like the first time again.”

The announcement of the inevitable Scheana and Mike Shay divorce came after this was filmed, and much has been written about it.

Soon it was time for the happy (?) couple’s “Taco Tuesday” rehearsal dinner, and then the wedding, which Lisa finally agreed to officiate.

How was the Big Boss feeling about that?

“I’m a little bit nervous because I’m officiating the wedding, but I’ve had no direction whatsoever,” Lisa told the Bravo cameras of the role.

“I could be saying, ‘Hey, do you f–ker take you f–ker to get married and spend the rest of your life screaming at each other?’ They have no idea!”

They would have an idea if she said that during the ceremony, but we think we know where’s going with it. In any case, it was so emotional.

“Oh, if you start crying, I’ll start crying,” Lisa jokingly said to Katie, while Schwartz’s brothers showed up after all and Tom broke down.

“My brain is not even processing,” Schwartz said, clearly moved. “I’m looking at them. I know it’s my brothers! But my mind won’t accept it.”

For his part, Jax was just relieved.

“I wanted to rip my teeth out, and then stick a spoon in my eye and drag my body behind a semi-truck. That’s what it was like,” he said.

Getting them there was worth it, though, so they could witness their brother’s nuptials … but first, some vintage Stassi Schroeder tears.

Stassi admitted that she made mistakes (“Maybe you needed to grow up,” Lisa told her) as she tried to make it right before the wedding.

Most importantly, Schwartz and Katie’s wedding finally arrived, and both Tom and Katie actually showed up and exchanged vows. Amazing.

Schwartz finished writing his vows with only an hour to spare, and Kristen, Tom and Jax scrambled to get everyone there, but they did.

And they all lived happily ever after?

View Slideshow: 37 Classic Vanderpump Rules Moments in GIFs

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Triple Trouble

On Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 19, Lala Kent returned to SUR, where the boss made it clear she won’t tolerate her unreliability.

Of course, Lisa Vanderpump has a rather long fuse when it comes to these lunatics she employs – as long as they bring in the ratings.

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 19 Online

When Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 19 got underway, Jax Taylor hit up Tom Sandoval’s house and the two friends set about finding a way to make Schwartz’s wedding to Katie the best day they possibly could. 

Hey, it’s not like the married couple is going to be able to stay amicable their whole wedding day. Let’s just hope there is no tequila in sight or there’s no telling how far Katie will go on one of her rants. 

Something tells us she would not give a damn and would expose Tom’s infidelity to all of the guests. As much as that would make for great ratings, it would not happen. 

Anyway. 

Sandoval and Jax decided it was a good idea to get Tom’s triplet brothers to come to the wedding and they were even willing to pay for their flights and accommodation. The duo called the triplets, who all shared a pay as you go cell phone. 

Yes, they live in the stone ages, apparently. Whichever brother was one the phone seemed ecstatic and implied they would all be able to make it if their flights were paid for. It was a very nice thing for Schwartz’s closest friends to do for him. 

The duo wanted to keep it under wraps, but then Brittany lifted the lid to Kristen and, well, we all know that Kristen can’t keep her mouth shut when she knows a secret… or when she’s in the company of Brittany. We’re not even joking about that last part. 

Just ask Jax, he walked in on them getting down and dirty, and his word is clearly a solid representation of what, or who went down. 

Jax was not impressed about Brittany opening her mouth (about the triplets, of course!) and let her know that the news was meant to be a secret, but they were interrupted by Scheana who seems to have no idea that her marriage is crumbling. 

She let Jax in on her plan to have a baby with Shay, but like most viewers, Jax had been wondering where the heck Shay had disappeared to. At one point, he was always with the group. 

Now, he’s focusing his efforts on his music. We’re not buying it, however. He seemed so defeated when he was packing for the wedding and even went as far as saying he was done with everyone. 

Okay then. 

Jax took his concerns to Lisa Vanderpump, who felt that people should only get involved if Scheana opens up to them about her marital woes. LVP has always been nicer to Scheana than the other staff members, so it was an unsurprising comment to make. 

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you’re probably thinking there’s been a severe lack of SUR. It’s almost like none of the cast members work there anymore. However, there was an impressive side dose of drama at SUR this week, in the form of Lala Kent handing in her resignation. 

That resignation was a mere two months late. Before she got to Lisa, she met up with Ariana and apologized for just disappearing into the ether, but Ariana was having none of it. She felt betrayed by Lala and knew there was no way their friendship could be put back together. 

Lala has been an erratic presence on the show over the past year, and burning bridges with Ariana was the final nail in her SUR coffin.

LVP was shocked at the sight of Lala. Lala was quick to apologize and pointed out that she goes into a defensive mode when her character is questioned, and it results in her shutting everyone out. 

Lisa was quick to fire back that Lala did herself no favors by lying all summer. We tend to agree with LVP’s hard words of wisdom. Lala has been a fun personality on the show, but the constant questions about her personal life were wearing thin. 

There was no mystery. It was evident Lala was doing something she should not have been. Lisa did not seem ready to let go of Lala, but told her to keep in touch. This is not quite the ending Jax Taylor tried to let fans believe on Twitter. 

Lala will probably be back at some point. She’s been hanging around with Scheana and Lisa, so it would make sense to have her return if Scheana is on the outs with Stassi again.

The final portion of this exciting episode found everyone making their way to the wedding venue, but there were a lot of issues. For a start, a wardrobe malfunction meant Sandoval missed his flight. Ariana could only wave from the plane at him as he waited at the gate. 

Then, Tom’s brothers missed the flight and Jax fumed. Will he and Sandoval foot the bill for new flights?

Ah, there’s so much at stake… not. 

Next week: The Wedding! Tequila! Tequila Katie!

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Jax Taylor-Brittany Cartwright Talk Marriage, Vanderpump Spinoff

Despite this season’s heavy focus on the Katie Maloney-Tom Schwartz wedding (and the many occasions for drunken debauchery leading up to it) Jax Taylor remains the heart and soul of Vanderpump Rules.

Like The Situation before him, Jax is awful in the best way.

He cheats, drinks heavily, takes way too many GNC supplements, and spends a bizarre amount of time on surgeons’ tables.

But despite Jax’s wicked ways, he and his pious Kentucky girl Brittany Cartwright have managed to make their relationship work.

Their odd couple dynamic has been one of the most entertaining parts of Vanderpump Season 5 (sorry, Tequila Katie) so it’s not surprising that for several months now, questions about the couple’s future have been circulating on social media.

Specifically, fans want to know two things:

1. Will Jax and Brittany get married?

(Our guess: not any time soon.)

2. Will the long-rumored Jax and Brittany spinoff show ever come to pass?

(Our guess: absolutely!)

By most accounts, the Jax-Brittany reality show filmed last summer in Kentucky, and will premiere sometime this summer.

Further details will likely be released around the time of this year’s Vanderpump reunion shows, but for now, a source offers this explanation to TMZ:

“The focus of the show will be Brittany’s family pressuring her to get hitched to the bad boy… but he’s just not into sealing the deal.”

Sounds like we’re in for kind of a lighthearted, fish-out-of water/Green Acres vibe

Probably won’t pull in Vanderpump-level ratings, but could be an amusing diversion for two or three seasons.

But given the low-budget, low-stakes nature of the project, the amount of secrecy surrounding it is downright bizarre, and it’s led some fans to believe there’s more to this thing than meets the eye.

In the past week, Jax has twice dodged questions about the show, as well as about his future with Brittany:

“I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed to it. I know they were talking about it,” Taylor recently told E! News.

“They’re talking about spin-offs all the time with all of us, so I don’t know what’s going on.”

On Monday, while appearing on Andy Cohen’s Watch What Happens Live, a caller asked if Jax is planning to propose to Cartwright any time soon.

He dodged the question by pointing out that they’ve only been dating for a year; she took to Twitter to remind fans they’ve been dating for nearly two years.

All of this has led to two main theories:

1. Jax proposes to Brittany on the show, hence all the secrecy.

2. Jax and Brittany have been having problems, hence the reluctance to publicly discuss the spinoff.

View Slideshow: 37 Classic Vanderpump Rules Moments in GIFs

Either way, it’s more of the unpredictability that’s endeared Jax to fans over the years.

Watch Vanderpump Rules online for more of Mr. Taylor’s shenanigans.

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 7 Episode 14 Recap: Did Lisa Vanderpump Flip Out?

Lisa Vanderpump has been very vocal about the way she feels about Lisa Rinna, but did she go as far as icing the wife of Harry Hamlin out of her Hong Kong plans?

On The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 7 Episode 14, the ladies tried to mend fences, but with everyone still thinking about the recent events, was that even possible?

Watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 7 Episode 14 Online

When the episode got underway, Kyle Richards met up with Dorit Kemsley for lunch. If you watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills online, you will already know that Dorit tends to go wherever the power does. 

Dorit was throwing compliments at Kyle for the way she handled Lisa Rinna and her lies. Kyle revealed that she wanted to put the past behind her and move on, but Dorit was having none of it. 

Dorit felt like Rinna always found herself in these situations because she does not know when to shut up. She does have a point. 

Elsewhere, Erika and Eileen met up for lunch, but they wanted to chat about Rinna’s betrayal. They did agree that it must have taken a lot for her to come clean about what she did. 

Lisa Vanderpump was fuming at Kyle for giving Rinna another chance, but she decided it was the best thing to do in such a dire situation. Kyle was happy enough to put all of the drama in the past. 

“I do feel like Kim, and Lisa Rinna were able to work things out, for now, and if Kim’s OK with Rinna, I’m OK with Rinna,” she reported to the cameras.

After all of that, Kyle decided to host a launch event for her boutique, but there was drama from Dorit and Erika. 

I love your hair. It looks very fresh on you.” Dorit replied, “That’s very sweet of you, Erika. It’s the first compliment I’ve gotten from you, ever.”

Erika was taken aback by this and was quick to fire back. 

“That’s not true — I’ve said many times that you look pretty. I’ve said many times I like what you’re wearing. Don’t say that, that’s not true!”

The ladies cut the conversation short. It was for the best. 

But then Vanderpump brought the women to her house to try out Pandora’s new wine. However, Vanderpump went on the offensive when she got wind of Erika inviting Eileen to Hong Kong. 

Erika laughed, while Dorit started complaining that she did not trust her with her secrets. Erika claimed she did not trust anyone with her secrets. 

“Erika, you know, I like to have a nice family around me,” Dorit said. “Really?” Erika replied. Erika then gave a statement about her mother, but Dorit was not impressed. 

View Slideshow: 17 Stars Who Really Love the Real Housewives

After the big argument, Erika went home to visit her mother. This trip involved firing up her private jet. But you could tell there was s lot of drama in Erika’s past. 

She teared up just walking around the house. 

It was weird. 

Finally, Vanderpump decided to invite Rinna on the trip because Kyle was okay with her. 

View Slideshow: 19 Real Housewives Who Only Lasted One Season

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Regrets Only?

On Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 18, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney tried to find someone to officiate their upcoming wedding.

Who declined the offer because of their belief – shared by pretty much everyone at this point – that the troubled pair isn’t going to last?

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 18 Online

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you will already know they have been having a lot of fights, and it was recently revealed part of this was down to Tom’s infidelity. 

When the episode got underway, the SUR boss was shocked to hear about the drama in New Orleans and quickly decided to ask Katie about it. 

“What on earth have I heard?” Lisa demanded. “That all you did at your bachelorette party is fight with Schwartzie?” “No,” Katie corrected her. “All Schwartz did at the bachelorette party was argue with people.”

That’s why Lisa Vanderpump was shocked to the core when they asked her to officiate their wedding. Lisa takes wedding very seriously and felt like the couple did not. 

She took issue with them arguing in New Orleans when they should have been having a good time. The pair were confused but agreed that they had not set the best example. 

A shocked Lisa revealed in a confessional that the couple is on thin ice and it could tear their nuptials apart. We hear ya, LVP. 

Elsewhere, Stassi decided it was about time she got back into the dating world and had her trusty friend, Kristen Doute to help her out. 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Stassi revealed, while telling Kristen about her apprehension for using dating apps to find someone. 

Kristen was shocked by the way Stassi looked down on dating apps and took to a confessional to air her feelings. 

“Don’t knock online dating until you try it,” Kristen insisted.

“I mean, I met the love of my life on a dating app! Be a little more open-minded, bitch.”

The pair then bickered about what to put on Stassi’s dating app profile. We later got the reveal that Stassi’s first date went well and she was ready for another. 

However, her latest one was actually a blind date. She stopped by Kristen’s house, but all Kristen wanted to tell her about was the birds and the bees. 

At the date, Stassi was a fan of the man, but she felt like he was too nice and that they would just not work well together. Maybe it was because the dude got up at 7.am. or something. 

Finally, the SUR photo shoot was the main attraction for the rest of the hour. Katie was helping plan it because she was Lisa’s assistant. 

Schwartz decided to help her out and decided to join the shoot. He also opened up about how sorry he was about cheating on her. 

Katie was quick to shut the whole thing down and said it was best to move on to this new chapter together. 

At the photo shoot, Scheana opened up to Katie about not taking a more active role in her wedding and offered up her services to do whatever Katie wanted her to. 

Lisa got to see just how far Katie and Tom had come from their bickering ways and had a change of heart about officiating the wedding. 

“Yes, Schwartz and Katie. I am happy and honored now to officiate your wedding,” Lisa revealed.

The couple were ecstatic, but were their issues really in the past?

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Tom vs. Tom Drag Battle!

On Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 17, Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval engaged in an epic blowout over accusations of cheating.

While in drag, naturally.

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 17 Online

There was a brief moment in Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 17 that will truly never be replicated in the history of reality TV.

For better or worse.

Tom Sandoval, with a face full of makeup, kicked in a bathroom door to find Tom Schwartz, who he likened to a battered wife, on the floor.

Schwartz, of course, is not a battered wife. He is a pathetic dude whose fiancee is pissed he slept with some other girl in Las Vegas.

To liken him to a woman who experiences actual abuse is insulting on so many levels, yet it underscores how much Sandoval loves him.

Platonically. Mostly.

They didn’t end up in bed together, but they did share an embrace that was years in the making, exemplifying one of TV’s top bromances.

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you know that Sandoval probably loves Schwartz even more than Katie Maloney loves Schwartz.

Or Schwartz loves Schwartz.

As a result, he was the one running point in the effort to diffuse the situation with Katie and the girls that erupted on last week’s episode.

Stassi Schroeder also realized, in a rare moment of self-awareness and clarity, that her past fights with Katie caused her to miss out.

Not on something for herself, but on one of the painful moments (Schwartz’s alleged cheating) when Katie needed her most as a friend.

Of course, things soon got all kinds of awkward when Schwartz walked in to apologize to Katie for all of the things he did to upset her.

She was not having it.

The next day, they did have a real talk in which Katie and Tom agreed to bury the hatchet, even if he wouldn’t admit what he did in Vegas.

Meanwhile, Kristen confronted Tom Sandoval about trying to sabotage her romance with Carter, and that was about as weird as it sounds.

Sandoval is not above drama, but when it comes to Kristen Doute, he’d rather leave well enough alone, and move on with their lives. 

As he put it, this was as if Doute was trying to have an argument with herself. Not an inaccurate observation, and wouldn’t be a first.

Back in Los Angeles, Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd talked about partnering up with Tom Sandoval to open a new bar in West Hollywood.

Much as you want to shoot that idea down with jokes right off the bat, it actually seems like a partnership that could work out for everyone.

Unlike Schwartz, Jax Taylor and James Kennedy, Tom has never flaked out or irredeemably humiliated himself at his place of business.

Low standards, we know. But true.

He can also be incredibly charming and hard-working when properly motivated, and the idea of running his own place with the boss?

We’d check it out. Just saying.

View Slideshow: 37 Classic Vanderpump Rules Moments in GIFs

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: So Many Man Tears, So Little Time

Last night on Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 16, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney sought to put all the bickering behind them.

We know, yes. We know. Hence the word sought above.

With this crew, that’s always easier said than done …

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 16 Online

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you will not be at all surprised to learn that the duo’s bachelor-bachelorette party started off strong.

Or that it ended in drama and tears. A LOT of tears.

We began with Brittany Cartwright deciding to confront BF Jax Taylor about his emotional apology to Stassi Schroeder the night before.

“You don’t just apologize for being certain ways to Stassi when you act certain ways to me,” Brittany insisted, but Jax was not moved.

“If I’m mean to my ex-girlfriends, I get punished,” the reality star responded. “If I’m nice to my ex-girlfriends and apologize, I get punished.”

“It’s like, what do you want me to do?”

Across the hall, Schwartz woke up on the couch and stumbled in to find future wife Katie sleeping in their California king bed by herself.

He gently woke her, and asked for an apology.

“Do you want to say you’re sorry? You were super mean to me last night,” Schwartz said, before recalling their dispute from 4:30 a.m.

After the New Orleans bars closed, Katie wanted to take a car home rather than walk back to the hotel … and lashed out at Tom over this.

Then she asked why he wanted to rehash it.

“As Katie Maloney would say, ‘Don’t discount my feelings,’” Schwartz said. “Because you don’t remember because you were too drunk!”

Yeah. The tension was on the rise in NOLA.

Schwartz proceeded to show up totally wasted As the groomsmen and Ariana Madix, the grooms-woman (?) headed out gator huntin’.

“I’m starting to think Tom is drinking for other reasons, possibly the situation going on with Katie,” Jax, the voice of reason, told the cameras.

“I say ‘possibly,’ but that’s pretty much the reason.”

At lunch, Tom admitted to the guys that he wasn’t really speaking to Katie, which again prompted a reality check from Jax of all people.

“Maybe it is me, though,” Schwartz said, when promoted about Katie’s behavior toward him, which prompted Tom Sandoval to go OFF.

“You sound like a f–king battered wife!” his namesake cried, beginning another cascade of tears. “It’s f–king bulls–t! You deserve better, dude.” 

“You put your emotions always on the end, man!”

Meanwhile, Katie and the bridesmaids went out for a seafood-heavy Southern brunch, to the disgust of Scheana Shay and Kristen Doute.

If only the differences of opinion ended with food.

Kristen revealed to Scheana that Katie constantly berated Schwartz because of his alleged banging of a woman in Vegas two years prior.

Doute tried to lift Maloney’s spirits by hiring her a (female) stripper, whereas the guys hit up a sports bar and Schwartz drowned his sorrows.

Later, when the groups met up, Kristen pulled Schwartz aside to ask about the Sin City hookup, which he says didn’t go beyond kissing.

Emotions and blood alcohol content were both really high at this moment, though, so Schwartz promptly flipped the f–k out on Doute.

View Slideshow: 37 Classic Vanderpump Rules Moments in GIFs

Calling Kristen “basic” and saying that she needs therapy, Schwartz was quickly losing control when Sandoval attempted to step in.

That in turn sparked a bigger fight between Kristen and the drag queens (the guys were immersed in the city’s gender-bending spirit).

“Doute is way out of line!” Schwartz said, and while that may be, because honestly when is she not, Tom was not in a place to criticize.

As Katie tried to calm him down, Tom lost it.

“You act like a moron, and you want unconditional love?” Schwartz drunkenly and loudly slurred at the woman he’s supposed to be marrying.

Good times in the Big Easy.

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Cold Beers and Many Tears

Tom and Katie’s awkward, tension-filled journey to matrimony continued Monday night on Bravo’s Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 15.

Before the couple, who somehow determined marriage was a good idea, can make it to the altar, first they had to make it to New Orleans.

Watch Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 15 Online

When the episode got underway, Kristen showed up at Stassi’s apartment to help her pack her clothes for New Orleans. Stassi was quick to point out that she was worried nothing would go to plan. 

She went as far as saying that she felt like it was her wedding. Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Stassi. 

The friends switched gears to chat about Stassi’s failed relationship with Patrick. She linked back to her relationship drama with Jax, before bursting into tears. 

Kristen comforted her, telling her that they have New Orleans to look forward to. 

The drama moved over to Tom and Ariana’s apartment, with the couple opening up to Ariana’s mother about Katie sending them mean texts. 

Apparently, Katie felt like she already had a reputation for texting abuse, so she decided to continue it on that basis. Um, okay. 

“The only thing I’ve said about her lately is that she’s mad all the time and I don’t know if it’s just because she’s stressed out about planning her wedding,” Ariana reasoned. 

Her mother questioned whether Katie could have cold feet about the wedding. Tom and Ariana looked on in horror. 

James then showed up at PUMP because he was allowed to work a party that he was assigned to before he got the boot. 

As expected, Lisa was apprehensive about the whole thing, but her hands were tied because the client asked specifically for him. 

When James attempted to thank Ken, he was quick to reveal that he and Lisa did not invite him. Basically, James would still be in the gutter if it was not for the Daily Mail. 

At Scheana’s party, Tom told Jax that Katie was reverting to her old ways. This conversation went down while Katie sulked and complained that Tom was avoiding her. 

It boggles the mind why she did not think to go speak to him at the party and left it all down to him. 

Scheana decided to chat with Tom about the way things were going and offered up some advice to him. Jax looked on in horror at the prospect of taking advice from Scheana and made fun of her in a confessional. 

“Getting marriage advice from Scheana is like getting sobriety advice from Shay. Kind of pointless.”

That was a low blow considering how Scheana and Shay were battling to keep their relationship going strong. 

Later, Katie was grilled by Tom about the way she acted when she was drunk. 

“I have limits and when I reach those limits, I explode,” the future wife of Tom Schwartz revealed. 

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you will already know that Katie drinks and sends horrible text messages on a weekly basis. 

The group made their way to New Orleans and LVP upgraded Tom and Katie’s room. That’s sort of what the SUR boss does when she knows her minions are off on a vacation. 

Surprisingly, Stassi ordered room service to Tom and Katie’s room, crashing their chat. You could tell she was feeling lonely because all of her friends were hitting milestones in their lives. 

On their first night on Bourbon Street, Tom Sandoval decided to open his mouth about all the arguing and put Katie on blast for the way she treated Lala. 

Katie was furious about the whole thing and said she did not want to talk about Lala. Might this be because she knew she was in the wrong?

Scheana and Shay showed up late to the party because they were celebrating their second wedding anniversary. Scheana gifted Shay with a Boudoir book that he seemed to love. 

Did he get to keep it when the marriage crumbled? We have no idea. 

Stassi confided in Brittany about the way she felt, but a drunken Jax joined in. Stassi had a go at him for the way he treated her and he actually apologized. 

This did not sit well with Brittany because she felt like Jax could apologize to Stassi, but not her. Brittany stormed off. 

Will any of the couples make it out of the season together?

Finally, LVP told James that there was no chance he would be asked to return to work for her. He was upset, but the LVP had spoken. 

View Slideshow: 13 Times Vanderpump Rules Was Like Mean Girls

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Lala Kent Slams Vanderpump Rules Cast: They Think They"re Kardashians!

Lala Kent’s departure from Vanderpump Rules has felt more than a little anti-climactic.

Lala quit the show back in August, while season five was still filming and thus far, the show hasn’t addressed her absence in any concrete way.

We’re told she’ll come back for a final send-off, but at this point, viewers (and the show’s storylines) have already moved on.

Anyway, there are many theories as to why Lala left the series so abruptly, but most of them have to do with her mystery boyfriend.

Lala is allegedly dating an older, married sugar daddy type (social media seems convinced that it’s Hollywood producer Randall Emmett, but that has yet to be confirmed), and she’s made no secret of the fact that she was not happy with inquiries into her love life from co-stars and fans.

(Pro tip: If you want to keep your relationship a secret, don’t go on a reality show that’s almost entirely focused on the personal lives of its cast.)

Now that Lala is no longer on the show, she’s probably washed her hands of the of the castmates who either pretended to like her (Tom Sandoval and Ariana) or openly despised her (everyone else), right?

Wrong-o! She’s still throwing shade, but now she’s doing it on a podcast hosted by Sammi Giancola from Jersey Shore, which sounds like a joke about life on the Z-list but is instead something that actually happened.

Naturally, Lala opened up about her feelings on Stassi and company, telling Giancola that the other girls on the show retroactively used her bullying of Katie as an excuse to be mean:

“I feel like this season they tried to make it look like they were coming at me because of the way I spoke to Katie, but they were mean to me last season the second I walked into SUR,” Lala says.

“So it’s not adding up, what they’re saying. I’ve apologized a million and one times.”

She goes on to say that she wants nothing to do with their clique, which is only something you say when you very badly want to be part of someone’s clique:

“I don’t wanna be a part of their clique,” she says.

“You have to know that in L.A., yeah it’s cool to be a part of the show – whatever – but, out here, if I were really rolling around with those girls, like in real life no cameras around – it’s such a bad look.”

She adds:

“They think they’re Kardashians! The way that they talk and the way they act, you would think we’re the biggest reality television cast in all of history.”

As for that infamous non-disclosure agreement that Lala rather sketchily asked her friends to sign, she claims it had nothing to do with her alleged relationship with Emmett, and everything to do with James Kennedy’s sketchiness: 

“James wasn’t even at [the music festival] with me,” Lala clarifies.

“He was given a NDA because he sometimes likes to film me while I’m stoned, or whatever it may be, and I would like to know what’s being put on the internet, because we all know that he doesn’t have a filter. Tom and Ariana really did go to [music festival] with me and they were never given any agreement.”

Speaking of James, Lala has apparently seen the light, as she says she and DJ Slytherin are no longer friends:

“I’ve chosen to remove myself,” she says. “James will always be James. I slowly started seeing why people don’t connect with him and why he rubs people the wrong way.”

She adds:

“But if his girlfriend wants to be one of those brainless people, then that’s her prerogative; if she wants to turn the other cheek, then you go girl. Whatever you want to believe.”

That’s a bit like listening to people who are just now realizing that they shouldn’t have voted for a cartoon rich guy from the ’80s to be president, but hey, at least it’s a step in the right direction.

View Slideshow: Lala Kent: Best Instagram Pics of Vanderpump Rules’ Newest Star

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