Friday, September 8, 2017

This Tinder Date Clogged His Toilet and Got Stuck in His Window


Think you"ve been on a terrible first date?


Think these are examples of some terrible first dates?


HA! Think again.


An Internet user named Liam Smyth has shared the following first date story on social media and we promise you"ve never heard anything quite like it.


After scrolling through each detail below, you"ll pray you never experience anything quite like it, either…




1. They Swiped Right!


They swiped right

Liam says he met his unnamed date on Tinder, which is a perfectly fair, reasonable and normal way to meet someone these days.



2. A Promising Start


A promising start

And a promising middle part, too: “After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary,” Liam writes on his GoFundMe page. (Why did he create this GoFundMe page? Keep reading to find out!)



3. An Hour Into the Netflix and Chilling…


An hour into the netflix and chilling

… Liam’s date got up to use the bathroom, returned and confessed: she popped in his toilet and clogged up the drain.



4. Panic Ensues


Panic ensues

We’ll let Liam explain what his date said/did next: “I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window.”



5. WAIT!


Wait

It gets worse: This woman’s didn’t make it out the window all the way; instead, it fell inside the wide gap between the window’s two panes and got stuck there.



6. The Date Has an Idea!


The date has an idea

She says she was once a gymnast and can slide between the windows and hurl the poop down to the street. And she actually succeeds! But then gets stuck herself between the panes, as you can see in this photo.


View Slideshow
ReadMore…

Lenny Dykstra Attempts to Seduce Lena Dunham, Repulses Twitter

If you’re not a fan of baseball or tobacco-chewing ex-cons with tobacco chewing ex-con names, then you might not be familiar with Lenny Dykstra.


We won’t bore you with the details of Dykstra’s career on the field or the shady shenanigans that later landed him behind bars, but suffice it to say, he’s one of the sports world’s great dirtbags.


In fact, “Nails” is such a colossal douche wagon that he’s got us out here defending Lena Dunham.




In one of the most random encounters in the history of social media, Dykstra wound up sleazing up Lena’s timeline last night in an exchange that’ll leave you in desperate need of a bleach and Brillo pad bath.


It all started when Lena announced that ball players are the new Williamsburg urban farmers:


“I’m horny for baseball players! Wow!” Dunham tweeted without context.


In a feat of either horn-dog opportunism or a surprisingly amusing trolling, Dykstra encouraged Dunham to act on her impulse:


“DM me,” Dykstra tweeted to Lena, later adding video highlights from his career in order to help her “get the bloodflow going.”



When fans began to question Dykstra’s intentions, he confirmed that he was not actually interested in Dunham sexually, and is actually just bored, presumably having run out of Skoal.


“Oh, I’m just looking to tease her and break her heart,” Dykstra tweeted.


“You guys I’m being simultaneously trolled & seduced by @LennyDykstra this day has gotten really f–king weird,” Dunham remarked seemingly have no more idea about what the hell is happening here than we do.


It was then that Dykstra invited Dunham to ride on his – sigh – “space shuttle.”


“You know deep down you want to take a ride on the space shuttle,” Dykstra tweeted, presumably in reference to his penis.


“Do you just sit around asking your friends ‘what’s the least witty way I can revolt a woman?” Dunham fired back.



Dykstra responded that he can be “so much less witty” than proved his point by offering Lena the use of his baseball bat, before remarking that “Darryl Strawberry’s is bigger.”


Believe it or not, the two of them went on like this for over an hour.


In terms of WTF?! Lena Dunham scandals, this one is somewhat more shocking than Lena abandoning her dog.


But it’s far less baffling than Dunham’s comments about her sister, because just about everything on the planet is.


Thanking you for sticking with us through this saga, and we apologize for the loss of your lunch.



ReadMore…

TMZ Live: Barbara Walters: Isolated & Forgetful

ON TODAY’S SHOW Anthony Bourdain: Special Meal For Trump Mayweather’s Bodyguard Beats Down Fan Janet Jackson Impresses Tyler Perry! One Direction Accused Of Jacking Song!


ReadMore…

Nick Young Inadvertently Started the Gilbert Arenas Gun Drama

Nick Young says he taught JaVale McGee everything he knows about the card game Bourre … which might be a problem since it was THAT game that ignited the biggest gun standoff in NBA history.  Here’s the deal … Kevin Durant recently praised…


ReadMore…