That tiara sits so naturally on her head!
The newest issue of the National Enquirer hath declared that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have been named “King and Queen.” And because it has that gold sticker, it’s totally official.
Someone in the Photoshop department let their kid handle the cover, because Catherine is wearing the Queen’s Girls of Great Britain and Ireland tiara, when everyone knows that a coronation calls for a state crown.
Anyhoo, the magazine alleges that the Queen is livid that the Duchess of Cornwall may have an Australian lovechild (who looks to be her age, if not older), so she’s abdicating on April 25th and opting for Prince William to be her heir instead of Prince Charles.
“Queen Elizabeth’s] furious her wimpy son and his evil wife are at the center of yet another mind-boggling scandal, she’s forever banned them from ever taking the Crown,” the story claims.
The creepiest part of this entire story alleges that the coronation date will be Auguts 31st, the anniversary of Princess Diana’s death.
Her Majesty apparently “recently confessed she was wrong about Princess Diana and wished she could ask for her forgiveness.”
The Cambridges were told the news right before their royal trip to India and Bhutan, and though they didn’t expect to ascend to the throne this soon, “[Kate and William] adore the Queen and are ready to do whatever she asks.”
The story also claims that Camilla is PIASSED about being overlooked in favor of her stepson and his wife, and she’s been drinking like a fish. She’s even on a “ruthless campaign to make herself queen.”
Unfortunately for the National Enquirer, the Queen and Camilla actually have a good relationship these days, though it did take Her Majesty awhile to warm up to the idea that Camilla and Charles were meant to be together.
You don’t have to confirm with Kensington Palace to realize that this story is not only wrong, it’s a little messed up. A coronation on the anniversary of William’s mother’s death?
Come on, you guys. Be better humans.
