Kim Kardashian is many things mom, wife, entrepreneur, purveyor of nude bathroom selfies.
But is she also a sexy super-spy, like some combination of James Bond and the many women James Bond has had sex with?
Ha! No way in hell! But don’t tell that to the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.
According to Vanity Fair, Iran believes that Kim is part of a covert mission to corrupt the youth of Iran and lead them to the 100% accurate conclusion that in today’s economy, a round ass you like to put on display is more valuable than talent or an education.
In a recent interview, Revolutionary Guard spokesman Mostafa Alizadeh makes the following hilarious accusation against Kim:
“Ms. Kim Kardashian is a popular fashion model so Instagram’s C.E.O. tells her, ‘Make this native,’” Alizadeh, told an Iranian news program this week.
“There is no doubt that financial support is involved as well. We are taking this very seriously.”
Yeah, we’re picturing it right now…
Top brass at Instagram pounding their fists on the desk of the war room:
“We need someone to sell sex on the Internet! Otherwise, Iran will continue to dominate the global marketplace. Get Kim Kardashian on the phone! We need that oiled-up ‘donk now more than ever.”
Apparently, the reason The Revolutionary Guard is targeting Kim and not the bajillion other people who post explicit photos online is because the Kardashians are of Armenian descent, which means…they’re hell-bent on destroying the cultural fabric of Iran?
Sure, why not.
Obviously, we’re making light of the accusations against Kim (because they’re freakin’ absurd), but for many like her who are living in Iran, the situation is no laughing matter.
The Revolutionary Guard claims to have rounded up 170 people for posting what they consider “illicit content” online.
29 have been accused of “promoting a culture of promiscuity” or “ridiculing religious values and beliefs,” and are now facing prosecution.
One prominent Iranian entertainer recently delivered a forced confession on live television.
It’s an unpleasant reminder that millions of people living in the Middle East still live in constant fear of their own governments.
We guess that’s why Kim supports the candidate with foreign policy experience, as opposed to the throbbing foreheav vein of American politics.
