As erratic as her behavior has been over the years, we usually have a pretty good idea of what’s going through Lindsay Lohan’s mind.
Cocaine. The answer is usually cocaine.
These days, however, Linds is reportedly given up the Colombian marching powder in favor of a new habit:
Sources say she’s railing fat lines of the powdered milk of human kindness and gettin’ all geeked-up on compassion for her fellow man.
As you may have heard, Lindsay spent time with Syrian refugees and the experience was apparently enough to turn her into a celebrity humanitarian, a la Angelina Jolie.
Of course, this is still LiLo we’re talking about, so the whole endeavor is way more half-assed, and there’s money to be made.
Lindsay has teamed up with German energy drink-maker Mintanine to provide hand out sugary caffeinated sludge to people fleeing the Syrian civil war.
We assume the bonkers humanitarian mission will be documented on the ‘Gram, along with captions like:
“Mintanine: for when your homeland’s resources aren’t the only thing that’s depleted!”
“There’s hardly food, water or anything,” a source from Lindsay’s camp tells.
“So at this point sending anything is helpful.”
The company decribes its product as a “blue caffeine lemonade” (which is weird, because elsewhere on its website, it claims the drink is caffeine-free).
Their tagline (sadly, we’re not making this up) is, “Blue tastes woo-hoo!”
Maybe that suffers in translation.
We’re not sure “woo-hoo!” is exactly what people who have been forced to flee their war-torn homeland need, but what do we know.
In case you were worried that Lindsay is using this humanitarian crisis just to make a quick buck, fear not…
She’s also using it to show off how little she knows about politics!
Sources say Lindsay has taken to slamming the US and backing Turkish military strongman Recep Tayyip Erdogan.
Knowing that most of you came here to have a good LiLo laugh, we don’t want to get too deep in the weeds politically, but suffice it to say Erdogan is widely considered to be a bad dude, and Lindsay is widely considered to be a dumbass for supporting him.
Here’s Lindsay giving a bizarre, rambling interview on Turkish television:
Don’t mix vodka with your blue woo-hoo juice, kids.
Also a hearty LOL at Lindsay’s assertion that there’s no tabloid media in London.
Anyway, in case you were worried that Lindsay has lost sight of who she is, don’t worry…
She’s still living proof that you can take the cocaine out of the girl, but you can’t take the girl out of the cocaine. Or something.
Lindsay recently opened a nightclub in Greece called – what else? – LOHAN.
The clip above shows her screaming at the clubs patrons to STFU on opening night!
Some things will never change.
Lindsay Lohan being bonkers is one of those things.