Ever try doing your job while an NFL superstar farts in your face? That’s what happened to the guy testing Antonio Brown’s body fat percentage on Monday — who weathered ass rip after ass rip while trying to administer the test. Dude…
Showing posts with label Farts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Farts. Show all posts
Monday, August 27, 2018
NFL"s Antonio Brown Farts A LOT During Body Fat Test
Ever try doing your job while an NFL superstar farts in your face? That’s what happened to the guy testing Antonio Brown’s body fat percentage on Monday — who weathered ass rip after ass rip while trying to administer the test. Dude…
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Boss Sued For "Weaponized Farts," Titty-Twisters In Bonkers Lawsuit
If you’ve ever worked in sales, you know that it’s a career path that’s likely lead you to some very competitive office environments.
If you haven’t, think Alec Baldwin’s “coffee is for closers” speech from Glengarry Glen Ross, and you have a pretty good idea of how wild things can get when you work on commission.
In the famous scene from Baldwin’s pre-over-utilized Trump impression days, the head honcho at a small real estate firm harangues, harasses, and bullies his staff with a combination of threats and sharp-tongued put-downs
But apparently in the real world, an overzealous manager is more likely to try and insipire you with a purple nurple and a face full of Chipotle wind.
Yes, according to the Fort-Worth Star-Telegram, Jeremy Pratt of AutoNation Acura in League City, Texas has employed some unique negative reinforcement tactics as part of his effort to motivate his staff to get those MDXs off the lot before the 2019s roll in.
Pratt worked in middle-management, and given that he’s also a lifelong resident of Fort-Worth, we assume he’s a former high school second-string left tackle who married his sweetheart (definitely named Crystal), but things quickly fell apart due to his love of Bud Heavies and expensive fetish porn.
Anyway, Pratt was fired from his post after allegedly harassing his employees by twisting their nipples and intentionally farting in their offices.
The intent must be pretty hard to prove on that last one must, as this Central Texas we’re talking about, a place where Whataburger is king, and every resident is constantly experiencing a slow anal air-leak, like a punctured bike tire.
After Pratt was fired, one employee who complained, Brett Bland, was allegedly forced out the door shortly thereafter by being given a sales quota that was impossible to meet.
(Editor’s note: And we thought Pratt was the only one who had experience forcing things out the door when he’s upset! Zing!)
Now, Bland is suing for those incidents of “weaponizing farts,” as well as another, in which Pratt allegedly showed other employees an image that was photoshopped in order to make it appear that Bland was a sex offender.
Probably best if we don’t know the details on that one.
Bland claims that after Pratt doctored the image, he sent texts to 8-10 coworkers, saying. “Keep your children safe,” and “you are receiving this because there may be a risk of sex offender activity in your area.”
That Jeremy! What a jokester!
Bland says that Pratt’s behavior was tolerated by upper management because we regarded as the office’s wild and crazy guy.
Think Michael Scott, but with a colon full of revenge gas.
As a result, Bland is suing not just Pratt, but the dealership itself.
So if you live in the Fort Worth area, you may want to get ready to buy an Acura, because the going-out-of business “Running on Fumes” sale is sure to be a doozy!
Tuesday, January 30, 2018
Woman Farts on Harassing Co-Worker, Gets Him Fired
Ladies, has this ever happened to you:
A male co-worker continually touches you inappropriately, "accidentally" brushing up against your breasts or buttocks throughout the day?
Yes? It has happened? To basically every single one of you?
We"re guessing no one out there used the tactic employed by Reddit user "ThankCod" in order to get her revenge?
Scroll down to learn the hilarious details of how this woman got her sexually aggressive colleague booted from her company…
1. #HerToo
This is not a photo of the man and woman in question. But the #MeToo movement has empowered females around the corporate world to stand up to their aggressors, which is terrific.
2. An Intriguing Introduction
This is how the Reddit user opened her post, piquing the interest of all who looked at it.
3. Allow Her to Set the Scene
Nearly every woman reading this is likely nodding in agreement right now. They’ve been victims of these kinds of “bumps” every day of their working lives.
4. Action Was Required
HA! LOL! Amazing! This was the action the woman chose to take.
5. Cue the Freak Out!
The man will no longer view this woman’s backside as something sexual, but instead as something stinky. Genius.
6. The Fart Heard ‘Round the World
Or at least around the office. After her boss learned what happened, he called the man and woman into his office and it came out that this man was a serial grabber.
Friday, July 21, 2017
Mom Farts in Yoga Class, Lives to Embarrassingly Tell About It
It is every traveler"s nightmare to ride in an airplane alongside a pair of bare feet.
But it"s every Yoga class attendee"s worst nightmare to let a giant fart rip in the middle of a session.
Just ask Laura Mazza.
The blogger behind Mum on the Run, Mazza went to Yoga for the first time in a very long time, after recently giving birth and… well… we"ll let her tell the hilarious story.
1. This is Laura
What a great face. We already like this story’s protagonist.
2. This Will Be Long…
… but hang in there. We promise it’s worth it. (Because it didn’t happen to us.)
3. Not Just Yoga
This is REAL Yoga, people.
4. Hairy Toes Alert!
Why did no one tell me we’d be in bare feet?
5. Who? Me?!?
Please say you’re talking about someone else…
6. Ummm… Praise Be?
Is that the right answer? Is that what you’re looking for? Please look away now.
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Toronto Raptors Star Farts on Team Plane, Teammates Stinkin" Mad (VIDEO)
It was stank on a plane for the Toronto Raptors … when 7-foot center Jonas Valanciunas blew a fart on the team jet and nearly killed all of his teammates. P.J. Tucker captured the aftermath (asstermath) on video — showing stars like Demar…
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Kim Kardashian Being "Slowly Driven Crazy" By Kanye West"s Farts
Nothing causes marital strife like flatulence.
Such is the case for Kim Kardashian and her farty-pants knight in shining armor, Kanye West.
The rapper has a consistent issue controlling his gas, and Kardashian is being “slowly driven mad” by the stench.
“Kim wakes up in the middle of the night and the whole room stinks, she says it’s like methane gas it’s so bad,” a source told OK! Magazine.
“She’s tried everything from lighting incense to scented candles, but nothing cuts through Kanye’s gas, which Kim says is so disgusting it’s not even describable.”
West reportedly doesn’t treat his body like a temple, and loves to eat crap that ends up smelling like, well, crap after it’s been digested.
“His diet is so bad, it’s like he has no control of his bowels when he comes to bed.”
Kardashian is trying to get him to change his eating habits, but she’s also said to be considering “alternate methods” to make their bedroom not smell like death wrapped in a dirty diaper.
“It’s reached the stage where Kim’s considering sleeping with her own breathing mask.”
Aside from this being on of the most entertaining story I’ve read in months, the thought of Kardashian going to bed with a gas mask has me banging my head against the keyboard I’m laughing so hard.
The causes of smelly gas can range from lactose and/or gluten intolerance to indigestion, and even a digestive tract infection.
According to enkivillage.com, Kardashian should try feeding West fennel seeds, which efficiently eradicate smelly farts within 5-10 minutes. Other remedies include ginger, apple cider vinegar, cinnamon and pepper mint.
Kardashian should send Kris Jenner on a Costco run while she tries to tear the junk food out of your husband’s hands.
Better yet, have North West sit in a room with him for a few hours. Kids are super-honest, and North will give it to Yeezy straight that his gas is RANK.
Kim Kardashian Being "Slowly Driven Crazy" By Kanye West"s Farts
Nothing causes marital strife like flatulence.
Such is the case for Kim Kardashian and her farty-pants knight in shining armor, Kanye West.
The rapper has a consistent issue controlling his gas, and Kardashian is being “slowly driven mad” by the stench.
“Kim wakes up in the middle of the night and the whole room stinks, she says it’s like methane gas it’s so bad,” a source told OK! Magazine.
“She’s tried everything from lighting incense to scented candles, but nothing cuts through Kanye’s gas, which Kim says is so disgusting it’s not even describable.”
West reportedly doesn’t treat his body like a temple, and loves to eat crap that ends up smelling like, well, crap after it’s been digested.
“His diet is so bad, it’s like he has no control of his bowels when he comes to bed.”
Kardashian is trying to get him to change his eating habits, but she’s also said to be considering “alternate methods” to make their bedroom not smell like death wrapped in a dirty diaper.
“It’s reached the stage where Kim’s considering sleeping with her own breathing mask.”
Aside from this being on of the most entertaining story I’ve read in months, the thought of Kardashian going to bed with a gas mask has me banging my head against the keyboard I’m laughing so hard.
The causes of smelly gas can range from lactose and/or gluten intolerance to indigestion, and even a digestive tract infection.
According to enkivillage.com, Kardashian should try feeding West fennel seeds, which efficiently eradicate smelly farts within 5-10 minutes. Other remedies include ginger, apple cider vinegar, cinnamon and pepper mint.
Kardashian should send Kris Jenner on a Costco run while she tries to tear the junk food out of your husband’s hands.
Better yet, have North West sit in a room with him for a few hours. Kids are super-honest, and North will give it to Yeezy straight that his gas is RANK.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Wombat Farts, Eats Corn in Violent Fashion
The Internet is feeling very corny these days.
In the very recent past, we"ve covered such breaking news here at The Hollywood Gossip as the guy who ate his corn on the cob in 10 seconds with a power drill…
… and the young woman who tried to eat her corn on the cob in 10 seconds with a power drill.
But ended up giving herself the world"s worst haircut instead.
In case you somehow forgot about these epic pieces of footage:
Now, it"s time to present Pete the Wombat.
The following video comes to us from BBC Two and it features one of these animals sitting on the lap of his handler.
He opens the clip by farting… really loudly.
“Wasn’t me,” the man holding Pete says.
The wombat seems pretty relaxed after passing all this gas, until the man presents him with some corn on the cob, that is.
Then, he becomes “like a beaver chewing through wood,” as the man says and as you’re about to see below.
We"ve never seen an animal eat corn quite like this before. Not even Michael Buble eats corn quite like this.
See for yourself… and then be forever scared of wombats any time they get near food.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
The Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Charity, Farts For All
On The Real Housewives of Dallas premiere, tensions spiked at a charity event featuring some of the most pampered socialites in Big D.
We began The Real Housewives of Dallas Season 1 Episode 1 about how you’d expect, meeting the cast of Bravo’s newest spinoff …
If you tuned in last night or watch The Real Housewives of Dallas online, it’s quickly obvious that the theme of this new series is charity.
Seriously, these women are into the Dallas charity scene like The Real Housewives of Potomac are into etiquette. It’s all they talk about.
So … meet Brandi Redmond, Stephanie Hollman, Cary Deuber, Tiffany Hendra, LeeAnne Locken, and their friend Marie Reyes everybody!
LeeAnne may have the most interesting back story. In her own words, “I grew up a carny kid. Play games with me and you’re gonna pay.”
Seriously, she grew up in a traveling carnival. Which served her well! “The carnival really prepared me for life in Dallas society,” she says.
Bravo shows are a bit of a circus, this is true.
Also interesting about Locken? Her relative lack of wealth. As such, she’s in the charity game not to write the big checks, but to volunteer.
This fuels part of the dynamic surrounding LeeAnne’s obsession with proper charity event ETIQUETTE (if you will, Potomac be damned).
Contrast that with Brandi and Stephanie’s love of poop and fart jokes and getting drunk of Jesus Juice and you’ve got yourself a show!
For real. “We’ll have a little too much to drink and we’ll pee in bushes and she will fart on command and I will dance in her fart.” – Stephanie.
As for Marie and why she will eat anyone else’s leftovers, or why LeeAnne referred to salsa as “Mexican sauce,” we may never know.
Cary perhaps summed up the new show best: “I don’t know how you get a job drinking and socializing, but maybe I should look into it.”
Seriously. Truer words have never been spoken.
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