Showing posts with label Bonkers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bonkers. Show all posts

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Johnny Depp Opens Up About Drugs, Debt, Divorce In Bonkers Interview


What"s the trouble with Johnny Depp?


It"s a question that fans and former fans have been asking for the past two years.


It"s also the intriguing title of a new Rolling Stone piece that purports to offer some answers.


Journalist David Rodrick spent three days — well, nights, as Depp keeps vampire hours — hanging out with the increasingly controversial actor, and it seems there was no topic that wasn"t up for discussion.


Depp"s massive debt and recent legal battles, his ugly divorce from Amber Heard, and his prodigious appetite for inebriants were all addressed in a wide-ranging conversation that helped to shed some light on Depp"s demons.


Is this Johnny showing the world his vulnerable side?


Or have we all just been taken in by a man who"s made a very nice living off his ability to manipulate the emotions of others by transforming himself?


Decide for yourself with this list of the most bonkers revelations from Johnny"s most candid interview to date.




1. One Mean Mom


Johnny depp red carpet image

“My mom was maybe the meanest human being I have ever met in my life,” Depp tells Rodrick at one point, adding that his mother often struck her and hurled objects at them.



2. A Traumatic Childhood


Johnny depp interview photo

“There were irrational beatings,” says Depp. “Maybe it’s an ashtray coming your way. Maybe you’re gonna get clunked with the phone.”



3. A Complex Relationship


Johnny depp premiere photo

“She could be a real bitch on wheels,” Depp says of his mother, before noting that his first major purchase after gaining fame was a house for the woman who raised him.



4. An Attempt to Deflect?


Johnny depp and amber heard picture

Many have interpreted Depp’s comments about his enduring love of his mother despite the abuse she inflicted as an effort to deflect allegations that he was abusive to his former wife, Amber Heard.



5. "Slim" to "Scum"


Johnny depp drunk with amber heard

Depp signed a non-disclosure agreement that prohibits him from talking about Heard — but Rodrick notes that a tattoo on Johnny’s hand that used to feature Heard’s nickname, Slim, has been altered to read, “Scum.”



6. Speaking of Abused Women…


Amber heard and johnny depp in black and white

Depp goes on to comment on the #MeToo movement and the accusations against “goliath Shrek thing” Harvey Weinstein. He’s no fan of Harvey, but his remarks aren’t exactly in perfect alignment with contemporary feminism, either.


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Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Dennis Rodman Cries Over Trump-Kim Summit, Confirms We"re Living In Most Bonkers Timeline

When you hear the names Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un, your first thought probably has to do with stocking up on canned goods or making peace with your god.


Your second thought might be something along the lines of, Damn, those dudes are both rocking some almost impossibly sh-tty hairstyles.



So perhaps it should come as no surprise that Dennis Rodman — he who brought the aesthetic of a Hot Topic clerk to the National Basketball Association — should also be involved in the summit taking place in Singapore this week.


Is the Worm still rocking hair colors that make him look like he was recently fired as the bass player Chumbawumba?


Tough to say, as Dennis is rarely seen without his MAGA hat these days.


As you"ve likely heard, Rodman has traveled to North Korea several times, and he"s long been an outspoken supporter of Trump.


So with the help of his sponsor — a virtual currency for cannabis entrepreneurs called PotCoin —  Rodman traveled to Singapore to …



… Well, we"re not exactly sure why he was there, but while discussing his previous forays into foreign policy on CNN, the 57-year-old broke down in tears.


“When I went back home, I got so many death threats,” 57-year-old Rodman cried.


“When I came home, I couldn’t even go home. I had to hide out for 30 days. But I kept my head up high, brother. I knew things were going to change.


“I believe in North Korea,” Rodman then blurted, in case anyone was unconvinced that whoever runs the simulation we call life is currently on a bender.


Depending on your political affiliation, you"re probably saying to yourself either:



"Jeez, the guy feels safer in North Korea than he does at home among the sicko libs!"


Or:


"Yeah, dude, generally aren"t big on sanctioning murderous regimes by partying with psychotic dictators.


Somehow, both sides are both right and wrong.


Don"t ask us to explain that; this situation has caused our brains to leak out of our ears.


Dennis rodman cries over trump kim summit confirms were living i
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Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Boss Sued For "Weaponized Farts," Titty-Twisters In Bonkers Lawsuit

If you’ve ever worked in sales, you know that it’s a career path that’s likely lead you to some very competitive office environments.


If you haven’t, think Alec Baldwin’s “coffee is for closers” speech from Glengarry Glen Ross, and you have a pretty good idea of how wild things can get when you work on commission.







In the famous scene from Baldwin’s pre-over-utilized Trump impression days, the head honcho at a small real estate firm harangues, harasses, and bullies his staff with a combination of threats and sharp-tongued put-downs


But apparently in the real world, an overzealous manager is more likely to try and insipire you with a purple nurple and a face full of Chipotle wind.


Yes, according to the Fort-Worth Star-Telegram, Jeremy Pratt of AutoNation Acura in League City, Texas has employed some unique negative reinforcement tactics as part of his effort to motivate his staff to get those MDXs off the lot before the 2019s roll in.


Pratt worked in middle-management, and given that he’s also a lifelong resident of Fort-Worth, we assume he’s a former high school second-string left tackle who married his sweetheart (definitely named Crystal), but things quickly fell apart due to his love of Bud Heavies and expensive fetish porn.






Anyway, Pratt was fired from his post after allegedly harassing his employees by twisting their nipples and intentionally farting in their offices.


The intent must be pretty hard to prove on that last one must, as this Central Texas we’re talking about, a place where Whataburger is king, and every resident is constantly experiencing a slow anal air-leak, like a punctured bike tire.


After Pratt was fired, one employee who complained, Brett Bland, was allegedly forced out the door shortly thereafter by being given a sales quota that was impossible to meet.


(Editor’s note: And we thought Pratt was the only one who had experience forcing things out the door when he’s upset! Zing!)


Now, Bland is suing for those incidents of “weaponizing farts,” as well as another, in which Pratt allegedly showed other employees an image that was photoshopped in order to make it appear that Bland was a sex offender.






Probably best if we don’t know the details on that one.


Bland claims that after Pratt doctored the image, he sent texts to  8-10 coworkers, saying. “Keep your children safe,” and “you are receiving this because there may be a risk of sex offender activity in your area.”


That Jeremy! What a jokester!


Bland says that Pratt’s behavior was tolerated by upper management because we regarded as the office’s wild and crazy guy.


Think Michael Scott, but with a colon full of revenge gas.


As a result, Bland is suing not just Pratt, but the dealership itself.


So if you live in the Fort Worth area, you may want to get ready to buy an Acura, because the going-out-of business “Running on Fumes” sale is sure to be a doozy!


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Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Kim Kardashian Surrogate: Bonkers Dietary Restrictions Revealed!

Early last week, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West welcomed their third child. They even named the third Kimye baby Chicago West.


So much about the surrogate who carried Chicago to term remains a mystery. But, little by little, we’re learning more.


Including the dietary restrictions to which the surrogate agreed. These sound bonkers. Could you follow these rules for 10 months?



RadarOnline reports that, as part of the agreement signed in March of 2017, Kim Kardashian’s surrogate accepted dietary restrictions, including:


-Not “consuming, at any time, mold-ripened soft cheese, including, but not limited to, brie, camembert, chevre, blue cheese, and gorgonzola.”


– Not eating “raw or partially cooked eggs, raw or undercooked meat, cold deli meats, hot dogs, any and all live products (excluding yogurt), all pates, meat spreads, liver.”


– Also not ingesting “supplements containing Vitamin A, raw peanuts, unpasteurized dairy and juices, raw sprouts and any unwashed fruits and vegetables.”


And those restrictions aren’t all.



There were also very, very specific fish requirements.


At no point was the surrogate to consume “tile fish, raw shellfish, mackerel, raw fish, smoked salmon, or swordfish.”


For some of us, a ban on raw fish is a ban on fish altogether (I love sushi but don’t care for seafood in any other form).


But there is one type of fish that Kimye’s surrogate could ingest, if she so desired.


Tuna was permitted … but “no more than six ounces” of tuna in any given week.



These all sound bizarre, right? But there’s actually a method to this Kardashian-West madness.


Let’s start with the cheese, because if you’re like me, you saw something about limits on cheese and thought that’s a dealbreaker.


But those very specific types of cheeses are “soft cheeses,” and can contain listeria. Pregnant women are generally advised to not risk eating them. So it’s not just a celebrity thing.


Raw and partially cooked eggs (even though we all love our cookie dough) carry a risk of contamination with coliform bacteria, toxoplasmosis, or salmonella. Again, this is a standard thing for pregnant women to not eat.


Cold deli meats, like soft cheeses, carry the risk of listeria. (I worked in a deli and let me assure you, folks: better safe than sorry)



Unwashed fruits and vegetables can carry the risk of e. coli contamination, which is no joke. Grown children can die from e. coli; you don’t want that during a pregnancy.


Also, you generally want to wash your produce to get potential pesticides off of it.


Finally, for the super specific fish stuff.


Basically, all of that comes down to mercury pollution in the oceans, which is bad enough that, if you’re pregnant, you don’t need to be eating all sorts of fish, including swordfish.


The weekly tuna “allowance” is also because of the mercury found in tuna, which is also why people are generally advised against letting their cats eat canned tuna.



Considering that Kim Kardashian’s surrogate was only paid $ 68,000, that’s a long list of requirements. She had to forego sushi for almost an entire year.


But since these restrictions aren’t above and beyond anything that your average doctor would recommend, the only extraordinary thing is that Kim got it in writing.


(Incidentally, the list also restricts the surrogate from drinking more than one cup of a caffeinated beverage per day … but doesn’t mention a ban on alcohol. Or does that just go without saying?)


But you want to write down all of the details if you’re paying somebody. That’s what contracts are for.


This list is something that anyone thinking about becoming a parent should consider. Children can be wonderful, but are they really better than cheese? Or sushi?



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Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Kris Jenner Sounds BONKERS on Camera: Watch!

There"s so much to process in this clip. We"re talking about a show where only one or two things happen each season, basically.


But this preview takes you on a journey. And makes you cringe. There are monkey noises.


We"ve already shown you Kendall Jenner freaking out over Caitlyn"s memoir. Would it really be a Keeping Up With The Kardashians clip if it didn"t have some awkwardness, some affectionate racism, and at least one of them acting absolutely nuts?


Let"s go through it, because there"s a lot to unpack.



Okay, so Keeping Up With The Kardashians shows Kris hanging out with Corey Gamble, Kim, and Khloe Kardashian, while on vacation in Jamaica.


On its own, that"s a pretty run-of-the-mill rich people thing to do. You don"t have to be rich to go on vacation, to Jamaica or otherwise, but wealth is a requirement if you want to vacation like this family does.


Though … if you already live in a desert climate like California, it"s sort of odd that you"d go to yet another hot place to vacation, but whatever.


If the Kardashians made sense, no one would watch them anyway, right?


So even this short clip serves as a reminder that their taste in humor is . . . questionable at best.



So it"s not one of the "mon" jokes, but Kim"s "Jamaica No Problem" shirt has us smacking our damn heads.


Fun fact: it"s generally considered tasteless and even rude to parody the way that people speak, especially when you"re talking about a disenfranchised minority or culture.


Naturally, Khloe makes it worse by suggesting that she could wear a shirt that says "Jamaican Me Crazy." Get it? Because we all get it.


Even if it weren"t problematic, it would just be a bad joke. It"s a bad joke, Khloe.


We don"t expect for either of them to find out why their behavior makes others uncomfortable. They live in a bubble.


Kim then diverts attention to her favorite topic — Kim — by not-so-subtly kicking her leg into the air.



You"ll notice a teeny-tiny pink bug bite on her leg.


Don"t get us wrong, bug bites are no fun, but most people treat them with a topical antihistamine if at all. Apparently the Kardashians use, um, alternative medicine: water from a lagoon.


We"ll stick with actual medicines. No offense.


Kim then demands to know if Kris Jenner is acting as some sort of snake oil salesman and, instead of giving her mineral water to use, is giving her something way, way grosser and less sanitary.



She straight-up asks Kris if the water that she"s been giving her is her toilet water, as if that"s something that anyone but an absolute monster would give to their child.


Yes, there are stories of people using … ugh … urine to treat wounds, especially on the beach, but it"s usually not a good idea and in some cases can lead to infections.


Turns out that modern medicine usually knows better than old wives tales. Who knew?



Last but not least: the monkey nonsense.


You have to wonder a couple of things — the first being if this show has just desperate for storyline. Countless hours are always left on the editing room floor — though not literally, since everything"s digital — but somehow this nonsense made it in?


But the other thing that you have to wonder if what the hell Kris Jenner herself was thinking? Like, this would be fine if she were entertaining her grandchildren.


She isn"t, though. She"s around a bunch of grown-ass adults and she knows that she"s on camera. Has she just given up? You"ll have to watch it for yourself to decide that.


Kris jenner sounds bonkers on camera watch
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Monday, February 1, 2016

Harry Styles Quotes Taylor Swift, Drives Internet Bonkers

Harry Styles doesn’t know about you.


But he’s feeling 22.



He’s apparently also feeling like messing with the emotions of millions of people around the world.


The handsome singer celebrated his 22nd birthday on Twitter today by writing the following message to followers:


“I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22.”


That is a lyric, of course, from the Taylor Swift track “22.”


Swift and Styles were a semi-serious item for a few months back in 2012.


According to rumors and innuendo, Styles broke up with Swift because she was too prude. She then went on to allegedly write a song about him.


(The song was titled “Style,” so we can likely strike the word allegedly from that sentence.)


It’s been many years since Styles and Swift were in a relationship and each has since moved way on.


Taylor has been dating Calvin Harris since 2014, while it appears as if Styles is giving it to Kendall Jenner these days.


So we’re not really sure what prompted Styles to make this birthday reference. Let’s face it: he clearly knew the uproar that would follow on Twitter.


Is he just trolling Taylor?


Having a tiny bit of fun at her expense, considering the way she often has fun at the expense of her ex-boyfriends in her songs?


Probably.


But whatever. It’s Harry’s birthday and he can have whatever kind of fun he wants to.


Monday, October 26, 2015

Bryan Wilson: Texas Lawyer Airs World"s Most Bonkers Commercial

If you"re a fan of Breaking Bad or Better Call Saul, then you know that Jimmy McGill/Saul Goodman knows is the master of using ludicrous gimmicks to advertise his legal services.


In the real world, Saul"s only had competition in the race for Most Spectacularly WTF? Law Firm Ad came from a lawyer named Jamie Casino, who"s Super Bowl spots basically look like Dick Cheney got Alice Cooper pregnant and the baby came out as a commercial.


Now, however, there"s a new name in the batsh-t lawyer game, and "Texas Law Hawk" Bryan Wilson is making a case for himself as the king of the bald-eagle-on-acid patriotic mindf-ck commercial.


We can"t come close to doing justice to Brian"s commercial with a mere description, so check out the clip and experience Wilson"s "talons of justice" for yourself.


Bryan wilson texas lawyer airs worlds most bonkers commercial