We know there’s a lot going on in the news these days, and you may be feeling overwhelmed, but we need to take this time to draw your attention to what may be the biggest scandal of our times.
If you’re not already sitting down, you may want to plant your ass for what could be the biggest butt-related news since Kim Kardashian covered Paper magazine.
Several sources are reporting today that Amber Rose was spotted wearing butt pads, and based on the photo above, it’s definitely not hard to see why they might think that.
Normally, we’d shrug and say, “So what? The girl decided to put a spoiler on the trunk,” but like the Kardashians before her, Amber has built a career on the size of her backside.
This is like catching Milli Vanilli lip syncing and finding out that Santa Claus isn’t real all at the same time – and the fallout has just begun.
The Buttgate scandal could have major implications for Amber’s rivalry with the Kardashians, as her weapon of ass destruction appears to be as fraudulent as Kim Jong-Un’s Mega-Colossal Super Nukes.
In fact, we might have to rethink Kanye West’s decision to breakup with Amber and marry Kim Kardashian.
Kanye is the rap world’s proudest big-butt lover since Sir Mix-a-Lot. Did his sense of disillusionment over Amber’s ass of lies lead him to seek out the world’s most famous ‘donk?
So many questions, so few answers.
We’ll have updates on this story as more information becomes available. In the meantime, we encourage our readers to leave work early to go home and be with their families.
Your boss will understand. He’s probably already gone.
