In an announcement that’s currently sending shockwaves through the worlds of politics and entertainment, disgraced reality TV star Josh Duggar revealed today that he intends to challenge sitting Arkansas Senator John Boozman for his seat in the US Senate.
Duggar’s reps attribute the late start of his campaign to the fact that he spent the last six months in rehab for sex addiction.
Far from a liability to be swept under the rug, however, strategists believe Duggar’s philandering will be seen by voters as proof that the 28-year-old has what it takes to make it in the nation’s capital.
“It’s time to bring family values back to Washington,” Josh told a crowd of dozens who assembled on the lawn of the so-called “Duggar compound” in Tontitown, Arkansas this morning.
“Moses was God’s first lawmaker, and I intend to be his second. My first duty is not to the Constitution, but to the Ten Commandments.”
After pausing for applause, Duggar added, “Well, except for the one about adultery. That thing about not coveting your neighbor’s wife is kind of a bummer, too.”
The apparent attempt at humor was met with silence. Duggar smiled sheepishly and pressed on:
“Donald Trump was a reality star and he could actually wind up being president. Plus, Donald Trump hates women, whereas I really, really love ’em. Oh, and my hands are way bigger than his.”
He concluded:
“I ask you: Are the sins of Josh Duggar any worse than the sins of our Founding Fathers? John Madison, Ashley Madison – what…is….the difference?”
He then unveiled a campaign poster which featured a photoshopped image of Duggar in a powdered wig, holding a musket and standing alongside such prominent cheating Republicans as Arnold Schwarzenegger and Newt Gingrich.
A slogan at the bottom read: “Duggar 2016: Because Why The Heck Not?”
Asked about the fact that he’s not even old enough to serve in the Senate, Duggar replied, “Have you seen the stuff I’ve been accused of? If voters can get over that, they can get over anything.”
Duggar’s candidacy is sure to be a source of controversy in what’s already been a tumultuous election year, but we here at THG believe in second chances.
We also believe in needlessly elaborate April Fools’ jokes, so hopefully you read this whole thing before sharing it on Facebook!
