Meghan Markle Would Make a Better Queen Than Kate Middleton, Psychotic Brother Claims

When Meghan Markle married Prince Harry back in May, she instantly became the Duchess of Sussex.

It’s a slightly better situation than when you got married and instantly became burdened by someone else’s student loan debt and sh-tty credit score.

Anyway, the good news is that Meghan is the only person on the planet ever to make the leap from basic cable legal drama to duchess.

The bad news is, that’s about as high as she’s gonna climb in the royal hierarchy.

But if you’re a Meg fan who thinks the royals should just give her the keys to Buckingham Palace and let an American take a crack at this “queen” job, you’re certainly not alone.

Meghan has some terrible siblings who make a point of embarrassing her every chance they get.

Usually, they do so by trash talking her to anyone who will listen.

But recently, Meg’s brother, Thomas Markle Jr. decided to pursue a different strategy by throwing shade at her in-laws instead.

“With Meghan’s determination and Harry’s charismatic personality above William, Harry and Meghan would be a great king & queen some day and make the Royal Family proud,” Thomas wrote in an open letter to Queen Elizabeth II.

As you probably already know, Prince Charles is next in line for the throne, followed by his son, Prince William.

That means it’s extremely unlikely that Prince Harry will ever become king.

In fact, that would necessitate Shakespearean levels of bloodshed.

And even if Harry became king, that wouldn’t make Meghan queen.

But Thomas doesn’t have time for all your “rules” and “logic.”

He knows what’s best for the royal family, and he wants the whole world to know it.

Yes, if you’re keeping track at home, this is the same brother who previously accused the Brits of turning Meghan into a royal “zombie.”

It seems he’s now changed his tack and decided that Meg is not the worst thing on two legs.

In fact, Thomas now believes his sister should literally be the next Queen of England.

Apparently, as long as the take is hot, Tom wants to claim it for his own.

Hopefully, dude is currently in his fifteenth minute of fame, because we really can’t stand much more of him.

View Slideshow: Meghan Markle-Prince Harry Wedding: The Dress! The Guests! The Photos!

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Gisele Bundchen, Psychotic Eagles Fans React to Super Bowl LII

Well, the Philadelphia Eagles certainly beat the odds by pulling out a stunning victory over the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LII.

But more importantly, the city itself defied predictions by not being reduced to a smoldering pile of rubble in the hours after the win.

As you may know, Eagles fans have a reputation for being a bit of a rowdy lot.

And by that, we mean you shouldn’t interview them on live TV, unless you want your viewers to have to endure a lot of awkward conversations about Nick Foles’ genitalia at the dinner table.

Yes, the Eagles flock was flipping cars and climbing greased poles after the NFC Championship game, so not surprisingly, the city’s first Super Bowl win resulted in widespread mayhem.

It’s hard to pick just a handful of highlights from the Mad Max sequel that played out on Broad Street last night, but we’re partial to this clip of a bunch of fans toppling the canopy of the Ritz-Carlton.

And were OFF!!!!! pic.twitter.com/xTfmNOq8lD

— Laces Out (@LacesOutShow) February 5, 2018

It may not be as over-the-top as the ceremonial flipping of the Prius, or the chanting of “f-ck Tom Brady!” (guys, you have to get a little more creative than that), but this is riot porn for the thinking man:

First, there’s the fact that a bunch of grown adults thought it would be a good idea to test the strength of a fabric canopy by climbing their drunk asses on top of it.

Then there’s the delicious irony of it – the name Ritz-Carlton is synonymous with luxury the world over, and a bunch of drunk Eagles fans tearing the joint apart is a reminder of why some people just can’t have nice things.

Of course, we understand if you prefer your debauchery a bit less subtle.

So here’s a naked chick (pun fully intended) running around in an Eagles mask

And were OFF!!!!! pic.twitter.com/xTfmNOq8lD

— Laces Out (@LacesOutShow) February 5, 2018

Moving on from one type of loser to another, Tom Brady’s equally robotic supermodel wife was more gracious than usual in the face of defeat, taking to Instagram to congratulate Big Dick Nick and company on a well-fought battle:

“Congratulations Eagles for winning the Super bowl, what a game that was,” Bundchen wrote.

“Congratulations Patriots for giving your best and to my love, we are incredibly proud of you because we are able to see ever day all the commitment, sacrifice and hard work that you have devoted to become the best in what you do. We love you!”

This isn’t the first time the heavily-favored Pats suffered a humiliating Super Bowl loss, and when they went down to the Giants in 2012 Bundchen threw a tantrum that was caught on camera.

So perhaps Bundchen has learned to take a more stoic, Belichick-like approach to defeat.

Or maybe those Tom and Gisele divorce rumors are true and she’s ready to leave the Masshole life behind for good.

Either way, she should probably steer clear of Philly for a while, just to be safe.

View Slideshow: Tom Brady Kisses Son on Lips, Stirs Wild Internet Debate

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"Revenge of the Nerds" Star Admits "Psychotic Breakdown" But Near-Fatal Crash Was Wife"s Fault

“Revenge of the Nerds” star Robert Carradine admits being in a psychotic state when he slammed into a semi-truck head-on that nearly killed him and his wife … but he claims it’s HER fault because she cut off his meds. Robert says he…

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"Revenge of the Nerds" Star Admits "Psychotic Breakdown" But Near-Fatal Crash Was Wife"s Fault

“Revenge of the Nerds” star Robert Carradine admits being in a psychotic state when he slammed into a semi-truck head-on that nearly killed him and his wife … but he claims it’s HER fault because she cut off his meds. Robert says he…

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Selma Blair: Drugs, Alcohol Caused Psychotic Blackout!

Don’t do drugs, y’all. 

Selma Blair’s epic in-flight meltdown – you remember it, of course. 

Blair flipped out so hard on the flight that she was removed from the aircraft by a stretcher. 

Let’s repeat that: a stretcher. 

Now, she’s finally opened up entirely about the incident, calling the event on the plane “frightening,” and referring to her ordeal as a “psychotic blackout.” 

Terrifying. 

Blair told The Talk that her “blackout” was the result of a “very bad choice.” 

“I am someone that should never drink, and I rarely do, and I don’t drink anymore, but I did,” she revealed. 

“I was going through something.” 

“I had a glass of wine, [and] someone gave me a pill that I thought was something that I had taken before, which I don’t take on a regular basis,” Blair admitted. 

“It was something completely different,” she blamed. 

Same, girl. 

“It was horrible and frightening,” she continued, “and I had empathy for myself, actually, afterwards.” 

Well, of course she did. 

Heaven knows Blair thinks extraordinarily wonderful things about herself, so it’d make sense that she could do what others could not: “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”

“It was so out of character for me, especially now that I am a mother,” she said.

“My son was with his father and he had slept through it.”

“I knew he was going to sleep,” she confided.

“He had his headphones on and that’s why I took this pill.”  

Okay then. 

She admitted that it was a “bad choice all around,” and promised those on The Talk that it wouldn’t be a repeat incident. 

Hopefully not, because the result of her “bad choice” was a terrifying ordeal for anyone within earshot. 

Blair, during the incident, screamed, “He burns my private parts!”

“He won’t let me eat or drink!”

“He beats me!”

“He’s going to kill me!”

Yeah, we’d say that it’s better off if Selma leaves the drugs and alcohol behind – especially the drugs and alcohol in combination – for the betterment of herself and anyone who might have the misfortune of having to endure another psychotic break.

Scary stuff, all that. 

View Slideshow: 25 Celebrities Who Suffer From Mental Illness

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Lindsay Lohan Throws Boyfriend"s Phone in the Sea, Remains Psychotic

For the past several months, Lindsay Lohan has been dating a rich Russian real estate agent named Egor Tarabasov.

Sadly, it seems Egor is unfamiliar with that old Yakov Smirnoff chestnut: “In Soviet Russia, frekcly American actress out-drink you!”

Yes, despite recent, vague claims that Lindsay has totally calmed down and is ready for that Oscar and that 8-figure Marvel gig anytime now, there’s reason to believe that the Linsanity is as potent as ever.

As you may have heard (thanks to her constant reminders on social media) Lindsay turned 30 last week, and her wealthy dude took her on a swanky Greek Islands vacay to celebrate.

That’s where things got real, as they pretty much always do in the life of Lindsay Lohan.

“Everything was fine between them before something on Egor’s phone upset Lindsay,” a witness tells the Daily Mail.

“They then started shouting and screaming at each other.”

Fortunately, they settled things in the calm, rational manner that you would expect from Lindsay Lohan and an intoxicated 22-year-old Russian billionaire.

Just kidding, they totally went off on each other.

“Lindsay threw his phone in the sea, she looked absolutely furious,” says one source.

“The security at the beach club had to pull them apart and Lindsay left in her car while Egor went back to the party.”

Oh, it’s good to hear that she went for a drive after all that.

Sadly, this is not the first time that there have been rumors of violence in Lindsay and Egor’s relationship.

It’s not surprising, however, that Lindsay posted the above photo last night to ensure fans that all is well. She captioned it:

“Falling in love in exhausting …. Especially when you’re the older woman and have already seen it all #love is the most important thing at the end of the day #serenity”

Check in tomorrow for the inevitable news of Lindsay’s breakup, which is sure to be followed by reports that she and Egor have eloped.