Showing posts with label Flat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flat. Show all posts

Monday, April 30, 2018

Audrey Roloff Shows Off Flat Tummy on Ember Jean"s First Beach Trip!

Audrey Roloff is once again posing in swimwear. This time, she’s showing off her post-baby body and flat tummy in Maui.


That’s not even the biggest deal, because Auj and Jer aren’t vacationing alone.


Take a look below to see baby Ember Jean’s very first visit to the beach.



Audrey announced the trip on Instagram, saying:


“OK friends, we are headed to Maui in a few days… which means a six-hour flight with a baby still recovering from an ear infection. Eek!”


Fortunately, she has the remedy for that ear infection.


“Lots of cuddles, tea tree oil, Frankincense, garlic oil, antibiotics, and prayer. Hoping she can kick this thing quick!”


The proud mother has since updated fans with five photos from Ember’s very first visit to the beach, captioning the images:


“Ember got a sandy bum and salty toes for the first time!”



(Looking great, Audrey!)


Auj gushes about Ember’s time at the beach, just one of Ember Jean’s recent milestones.


“She loved it! especially the taste of sand…”


Babies learn about their environment by putting things in their mouths, and babies can be fascinated by the strange gritty texture of sand.


“We are cherishing this much needed sunshine and time as a family away from the tyranny of the urgent.”


The Tyranny of the Urgent is a book from the ’60s by a man named Charles Hummel, who writes about taking time to do what is important, because so often things that are urgent take priority.


Audrey says that they’re all loving Maui.


“We have such a tender spot in our hearts for this island in the middle of the pacific.”



Like any social media savvy person (especially those who advertise their business on Instagram), Audrey knows how to court social media engagement from followers.


So she asks a question:


“Have any of you ever been to Maui?!”


She then invites comments.


“What are your favorite beaches, waterfalls, or things to do!”


Finally, Auj includes some tags.


“#journeyofjerandauj #beating50percent”



Jeremy also chimes in with a message.


“Aloha from Maui! The family and I are enjoying our time away from the mainland.”


Don’t worry — they love Roloff Farms and they’ll be back, but it’s always good to get away, right?


“Traveling with a kid is no joke though!”


It gets easier as your child gets older. But still, vacationing as a parent is never the same.


“Vacations look a lot different than before. However, it’s been so fun doing things for the first time again with Ember.”


Ember is still new to the world, but she’s really enjoying the beach.


“She’s such a happy girl.”



Ember is too cute, folks.


Jeremy ends his post with a surprising suggestion.


“Last night the thought came to us. Maybe we should do a Maui meetup! Who’s in Maui and would be interested?”


Honestly, fan meet-ups can go extremely well or they can be disastrous. 


In the mean time, though some fans have wondered if Auj and Jer are trying to duck away from the family to avoid Audrey’s rumored feud with Jacob Roloff, it seems more likely that this was planned long before she skipped his engagement party.


We hope that Ember has been enjoying herself.



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Thursday, April 5, 2018

Kylie Jenner Flashes Flat Stomach, Wants You to Forget She Was Ever Pregnant

Kylie Jenner seems to love her daughter.


We’re not about to say otherwise.


But that doesn’t mean the reality star loved being pregnant with her daughter.



In fact, Kylie seems to be going out of her way these days to try and make Instagram followers forget she ever had a human being growing inside of her.


As was the case with sisters Kim Kardashian and Kourtney Kardashian before her, Jenner is focused on one thing and one thing only in the weeks after giving birth.


The well-being of little Stormi?


We guess so.


Okay, fine. So Kylie is focused on two things:


  1. The well-being of little Stormi.

  2. Regaining that sleek bikini body that earned her so many fans on the Internet.

This has been made evident again and again, most notably when Kylie shared a throwback bathing suit photo and captioned it “summer goals.”


On Wednesday, meanwhile, Jenner shared a few new pictures of herself on Instagram.


The first, above, features a smirking Kylie giving fans just a quick glimpse of her stomach.



It was shared just two months after she welcomed Stormi into the world, which is both impressive and depressing.


Impressive, because she must have worked hard in order to slim down this quickly.


Depressing, because she and her family care way too much about losing weight, setting an awful example for other young women and new mothers around the world.


We’ve said this many times before.


It’s not worth rehashing the same points over and over.


But even Travis Scott was apparently down with Kylie’s body before she went back into the gym and went on a crazy diet.


An earlier report claimed Scott was all about banging his baby mama long before she shed so many pounds.



Nevertheless: insiders have told People Magazine that the 20-year old wants to be a “really hot young mom.”


These same sources say the Kylie Cosmetics mogul has been “super determined to get back to her pre-pregnancy body.”


That much is obvious, wouldn’t you agree?


In conclusion, this publication writes that fans should expect to see A LOT more skin from Kylie as the weeks and months go on.


Her plan is to “flaunt her progress more and more,” which comes as no surprise to anyone remotely familiar with her family.



And, just to be clear, we don’t fault Kylie for wanting to look good.


We aren’t trying to tell her what to do or how to live.


If she wants to work out and cut down on the calories and feel secure again when she looks in a mirror… hey, go for it! We get it.


We simply object to the way she makes this weight loss goal both so public and seem so important while making it so public.


Not only are there more important things in life, but Kylie seems unaware that most people do not have access to personal chefs or trainers.


They cannot accomplish what she is able to accomplish in such a short period of time.


So maybe she should stop and realize that this flaunting of her progress is just making others feel bad about themselves.


Rant over.



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Sunday, August 20, 2017

Justin Bieber Ponders Flat Tire in Beverly Hills

Justin Bieber has had his share of car problems in the last few weeks … the latest of which appears to be a very perplexing flat. The Biebs was outside the Montage hotel Saturday in Bev Hills when he pondered the flat. It’s apparent from the pic…


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Justin Bieber Ponders Flat Tire in Beverly Hills

Justin Bieber has had his share of car problems in the last few weeks … the latest of which appears to be a very perplexing flat. The Biebs was outside the Montage hotel Saturday in Bev Hills when he pondered the flat. It’s apparent from the pic…


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Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Tiger Woods DUI Police Report Shows Car Was Banged Up, Flat Tires and Damage

Tiger Woods’ car was a wreck when cops found him during his DUI arrest — with 2 flat tires, a broken tail light and mangled bumpers … this according to the police report obtained by TMZ Sports.  The officers at the scene reported, “”Both…


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Monday, April 24, 2017

Kyrie Irving Clowned By Ohio Governor John Kasich Over Flat Earth Comments (VIDEO)

You’d think Kyrie Irving would get a pardon in Ohio over his whole “The Earth is flat” comments — but, nah … that ain’t happening. The latest person to roast the Cleveland Cavs star over his insanely misguided comments is Ohio governor John…


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Friday, February 24, 2017

Neil deGrasse Tyson Rips Kyrie Irving"s Flat Earth Nonsense (VIDEO)

Neil deGrasse Tyson has a message for Kyrie Irving … KEEP YOUR DUMB FLAT EARTH BS OUTTA SCIENCE … saying the world would be a better place if Irving sticks to the court. Irving caused a stir earlier this week when he appeared on a podcast and…


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Neil deGrasse Tyson Rips Kyrie Irving"s Flat Earth Nonsense (VIDEO)

Neil deGrasse Tyson has a message for Kyrie Irving … KEEP YOUR DUMB FLAT EARTH BS OUTTA SCIENCE … saying the world would be a better place if Irving sticks to the court. Irving caused a stir earlier this week when he appeared on a podcast and…


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Friday, March 25, 2016

Bar Refaeli: Pregnant Model Flaunts INSANELY Flat Stomach!

Bar Refaeli is five months pregnant, but if it weren’t for the hashtag on her latest Instagram photo, there’s no way you would ever know that:



The 30-year-old model and mom-to-be posted the above image with a caption reading, “My girl was craving some vitamin D #5months.”


Refaeli is used to getting a lot of attention for her selfies, but usually for the simple reasons that she’s a model with a couple million followers.


Now, she’s in a situation that brings to mind the predicament of fellow model Sarah Stage, whose taut baby bump photos earned her heaps of online criticism.


Eventually, Stage gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy, so maybe the Internet will just chill this time and not attack Bar for putting her babies health at risk like they did with Sarah.


Just kidding! It’s 2016; you really think people are gonna pass up the opportunity to get outraged?


Before you rush over to Bar’s IG page to start talking trash, however, please bear in mind that every pregnancy is deifferent.


Besides, it’s still relatively early in the game. She still has her third trimester to go, and we’re sure that eventually Bar will belly up.


In the meantime, you have our sincerest apologies for that awful pun.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Tila Tequila Claims She Has Robot Brain, Earth is Flat in All-Time Twitter Rant

Based on her latest Twitter rant, we believe that Tila Tequila has either lost her mind or is a consummate pro’s pro at Internet trolling.



Not only does she claim the world is flat, but the reality star says she actually died and was replaced by a clone four years ago.


At least she didn’t dress her kid up as Hitler. Well, this time.


To sum up, the 34-year-old alleges that she is actually a Russian spy who died and was replaced by a clone at some point in 2012.


That would be the main takeaway from any one else’s Twitter tirade, but this is Tila Tequila. The girl operates in her own orbit.


Speaking of which, she may not know what orbiting is, since she believes the Earth is flat and described why in hilarious detail.


It’s not clear if these thoughts are being bestowed upon us because she has a robot brain, but they are … out of this world.


So to speak. The earth is flat, the moon isn’t real because it was placed there artificially and is really spaceship. And so on.


We can’t really do justice to Tila’s tweets but here’s a sampling:




Tila Crazy Tweets



Then she demanded answers from NASA and claims she’s going there to get the scoop on the #FlatEarth once and for all, writing:


“I LIVE IN HOUSTON SO I WILL DRIVE DOWN TO @NASA SPACE CENTER MYSELF AND DEMAND THEY ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!”


Persuasive as ALL CAPS TWEETS may be, good luck getting through security. The gatekeepers of the #FlatEarth secrets ain’t playin’.


Anyway, perhaps the best moment of all of this came when she tossed out another “truth bomb” and got taken to school by a follower.


Seriously, this guy apparently attended school at some point in his reasonably educated life. Tila not so much. It’s never too late, girl.


We have no idea who he is or why on #FlatEarth he follows Tila Tequila on Twitter, but we’ll forgive him after this ultimate mic-dropper:




Tila Tweets Shut Down


Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Britney Spears Stomach Update: It"s Very Flat!

Oops, folks. 


Britney Spears has done it again.



The pop music superstar has once more reminded fans that she has a body that refuses to age, showing off her 34-year old figure in a brand new selfie.


On Monday, the mother of two turned her cellphone camera toward the mirror and flaunted her very taut tummy in a gray sweater crop top.


“Long day recording…now it’s facial time!” Spears Tweeted as a caption to the image.


Perhaps it could also be cheeseburger time for Britney. She could clearly go for one or two… dozen.


Britney recently also showed off two things other than her body:


Her love for Adele and her ballet moves, both in the same fun video.


In other exciting Britney news, the artist has confirmed she’s working on a new studio album.


No word yet on when it will drop, but let’s hope we’ll all be celebrating more than a cute selfie in 2016.


Let’s all hope we’ll be celebrating a new Britney Spears record!

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Kylie Jenner Reveals "Flat Tummy Secret" (Hint: It"s Not "Being 18")

If you follow Kylie Jenner on Instagram, you know the girl’s not shy about showing off her body.


And that’s fine; Kylie’s 18, and she can do what she wants. What’s lame, however, is when she starts shilling BS health and fitness products to her 40 million followers with the promise that this crap will somehown help them look more like Kylie:



That’s Kylie hawking something called Lyfe Tea, and as you can see, she looks super psyched about it.


Kylie posted that pic to her Instagram this morning with the following caption:


“Morning :) My flat tummy secret is my @lyfe_tea teatox! We need all the help we can get to keep off the holiday pounds. So keeping my @lyfe_tea with me keeps my waistline slim!”


Yes, Kylie is claiming that you too can have a flat stomach if you suck down some weird herbal concoction every day.


We’re sure her own taut tummy has nothing to do with her army of dieticians and trainers, her Olympic athlete genetics, or the fact that she’s freakin’ 18 years old.


Is it as bad as Kylie’s waist trainer selfies? No, because this tea won’t squeeze your organs into unnatural shapes (we think).


But it still says a lot about Kylie that she’s willing to sell an easy answer to impressionable young fans in exchange for money that she could not possibly need.


Sigh. The girl should really just stick to semi-nude selfies.