Demi Moore trolled the hell outta Bruce Willis with a Harvey Weinstein joke at his ‘Roast’ that might have some people asking … too soon? The actress made a surprise appearance at her ex-husband’s “Comedy Central Roast”…
Showing posts with label ROAST. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ROAST. Show all posts
Monday, July 30, 2018
Dennis Rodman Drops Kim Jong-un Bomb Joke at Bruce Willis Roast
Dennis Rodman went nuclear on Bruce Willis at the Comedy Central roast — and he used his friend, Kim Jong-un, as a punchline. Everyone knows how seriously Rodman has taken his relationship with the North Korean dictator over…
Friday, July 27, 2018
Donnell Rawlings Says Blake Griffin Will Roast Jeff Ross, Then Roasts Jeff Ross
Comedy star Donnell Rawlings is 100% behind Blake Griffin in his upcoming roast battle with Jeff Ross … saying he believes Griffin will win, then roasting the hell out of Jeff Ross on the spot. Ross and Griffin are gonna duke it out with the…
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
Jeff Ross Prepping Kendall Jenner Jokes for Blake Griffin Roast
Nothing’s off limits when Jeff Ross goes head-to-head with Blake Griffin in a Roast Battle on Saturday … including his former relationship with Kendall Jenner. Here’s the deal … Blake challenged Ross on social media a few days ago.…
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Demi Moore is Surprise Guest for Bruce Willis Roast
Bruce Willis grinned and beared it during Saturday night’s roast, but he was unprepared for the surprise guest of the evening — his ex-wife Demi Moore. Bruce is the latest victim to be skewered by Comedy Central and Demi did not disappoint. …
Tuesday, June 19, 2018
Tiffany Haddish: Watch Her Roast Kris Jenner, Thirst After Chris Pratt!
We already know who won big at the MTV Movie & TV Awards. But there was more going on than awards, folks.
Tiffany Haddish was the hilarious host, and she had some great lines as she roasted everyone from the Kardashians to the Stranger Things kids. It"s funny.
You might not trust her around food after this, though. Take a look.
Tiffany Haddish is quite a character. Some of her claims and analogies are a little weird, but they always get a laugh.
She starts off by talking about some racial milestones.
"This has been a year of firsts for black people," Haddish says. "I"m the first black woman to host the MTV Movie and TV Awards."
That particular milestone is long overdue.
"Black Panther," she mentions. "Is the first African American movie to make a billion dollars."
That was an excellent movie. One of Marvel"s best, in fact.
"And The Quiet Place," Haddish continues. "Is the first film to scare black people out of talking in movie theaters."
She is making a joke, there, about a stereotype that portrays African Americans as vocally engaging with films as they are happening.
"I"m always excited to see the Kardashians."
"Hiiii," Haddish says, waving at Kim Kardashian, who is wearing problematic braids, and Kris Jenner, whose commanding presence is always welcome.
"That family," Haddish continues. "Is basically the Star Wars franchise."
That"s true in lots of senses. They"re successful, they"re an institution in the entertainment industry, and they can also be very controversial. Also not everyone likes them.
"They make a ton of money, a new one is always popping up, and they’re ruled by a bossy overlord who sleeps in a mask and she loves black men."
Those first two are very true. The third, though?
First of all, Emperor Sheev Palpatine would be the "bossy overlord." I have personally made plenty of comparisons between Kris Jenner and Palpatine — all favorable, of course.
Sleeping in a mask sounds like a reference to Darth Vader (or maybe to Kylo Ren, though he hopefully doesn"t sleep in that ridiculous thing).
We"re not prepared to rule out that either Palpatine or Darth Vader fetishized black male Humans, but that is certainly above and beyond the realm of Star Wars canon.
Plenty of people were scratching their heads. But hey, it was funny.
Haddish then turned her attention to another target.
"And you know who else I love?" Haddish asks. "Zendaya."
As the young people say, big mood.
"She taught me how to model," the host informs the audience.
"She taught me how to model," she repeats. "And I taught her how to grapefruit."
If you"re fortunate enough to not be aware, to grapefruit involves slicing a grapefruit ring and using it as an improvised sex toy to enhance the experience while performing fellatio.
(Please don"t do this; it"s a terrible idea, particularly if it is followed by sex, where the fruit juices could ruin a vagina"s pH balance)
"What?!" Haddish says in a mock-defensive tone. "She"s 21, now. She"s a grown woman."
That she is. This joke would not be funny, otherwise. But it is very funny.
"You gotta know how to do that if you want a husband," Haddish explains.
She also has other celebrity guests on her mind.
"Seth Rogen is here," Haddish announces.
Seth, we should note, is sporting a full beard.
"I like you, Seth," Haddish says. "You"re my favorite bearded white man since Abraham Lincoln."
That"s cute. And then she moves on.
"The Jonas Brother is here," Haddish announces, to great applause.
She is referring, of course, to Nick. He is famously attractive and the entire audience immediately steels themselves for whatever sex joke she will inevitably make.
"Nick Jonas is going to tear it up with Mustard," Haddish says, referring to the musician beside Nick. "Which is also how I want him to tear it up with me."
While we appreciate her enthusiasm for Nick, we wouldn"t recommend involving mustard in sex. That would be worse than grapefruit.
Haddish also talked about Riverdale.
"Apparently, Betty dates Jughead because he"s named after his penis."
(To be honest, that was a reminder to me that actual teens watch Riverdale; everyone I know who talks about it is well into their twenties, at least)
She also had thirst for more audience members than just Nick Jonas.
"I get to flirt with Chris Pratt from Parks and Recreation," Haddish brags. "And Chris Pratt from Guardians of the Galaxy!"
True.
"Hey Chris," she says. "I"ve got a galaxy you can guard."
It"s not subtle.
Honestly, it was much funnier when she was trying to bang Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
Michelle Wolf on Her WHCD Roast: I Wouldn"t Change a THING!
Michelle Wolf performed a roast at the annual White House Correspondent’s Dinner.
While she had some amazing burns against a lot of people, a lot of the focus — and criticism — was on a short segment in which Wolf took aim at White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Now, Wolf is speaking up about the criticism. And she wouldn’t change a thing.
In an interview with NPR, Michelle Wolf says that she is glad that she said what she did at the WHCD.
And, after discussing some of the logistics of speaking at the correspondent’s dinner in contrast with a normal roast or especially a stand-up gig, she talks about the backlash.
“I wasn’t expecting this level, but I’m also not disappointed there’s this level. I knew what I was doing going in.”
It’s good that she was prepared.
“I wanted to do something different. I didn’t want to cater to the room. I wanted to cater to the outside audience, and not betray my brand of comedy.”
Artistic integrity is important.
“I actually, a friend of mine who helped me write, he gave me a note before I went on which I kept with me which was, ‘Be true to yourself. Never apologize. Burn it to the ground."”
Wolf talks about how the WHCD has changed in recent years.
“I think a lot of it and what I’ve seen in the past is they poke little fun, they kind of poke fun at deeper dives in news media.”
Notably, some people were outraged at Stephen Colbert in 2006 for “getting too political.”
But there are many people who feel that George W. Bush should be sent to the Hague for war crimes, so they’d say that some political commentary is getting off easy.
“They’ll go kind of table by table pointing at people and making fun of them, in a way that I think used to be fun because the dinner used to have the president there, it used to be we’re all poking fun of each other, the president’s going to poke fun at us, we’re going to hit back.”
Donald Trump is notoriously thin-skinned, and it is difficult to imagine that he would enjoy even a lighthearted roasting if it touched on certain subjects — such as his alleged wealth, or his multiple business failures.
“Now it seems like it’s a much more serious environment and to kind of not go after the big issues and just have a little fun in the room seemed just not as exciting to me.”
Though Wolf is hardly the first to go after Sarah Huckabee Sanders, her lines about the Press Secretary received the most scrutiny and backlash.
“I mean, I’m honestly – I wouldn’t change a single word that I said. I’m very happy with what I said, and I’m glad I stuck to my guns.”
She suspects that perhaps people were shocked at her words because of her gender.
“Yeah, I mean, I think I don’t know maybe I’m projecting this, but I think sometimes they look at a woman and they think ‘Oh, she’ll be nice."”
She says that she is not nice.
“And if you’ve seen any of my comedy you know that I don’t — I’m not. I don’t pull punches.”
Good for her.
“I’m not afraid to talk about things. And I don’t think they expected that from me. I think they still have preconceived notions of how women will present themselves and I don’t fit in that box.”
The interviewer asks Wolf what she has to say about people who heard her lines about Sanders as an attack on her appearance.
“I think they didn’t pay attention to what was said.”
For the record, her criticism for Sanders was over the fact that she lies to the American people for a living and over the fact that he’s pretty hostile when she does it.
“Yeah, I mean, if there is two people that I actually made fun of their looks on Saturday it was Mitch McConnell and Chris Christie.”
She referred to Christie as a “barrel” and said that McConnell was having his neck circumcised.
“And no one is jumping to their defense. I made fun of Mitch McConnell’s neck and I did a small jab at Chris Christie’s weight and no one is jumping to their defense.”
In the mean time, what she actually said about Sanders’ appearance was that she has a “perfect smokey eye.” That is a literal compliment.
“I think one of the things about being a comic is getting to actually, as a woman, I have access to hit women in a way that men might not be able to hit them with jokes. I don’t mean physically hit.”
Of course.
“But you know, because I’m a woman, I can say things about women because I know what it’s like to be a woman, if that makes any sense.”
Honestly, the most important things that Wolf said had nothing to do with the Press Secretary.
She pointed out that Trump has the support white nationalists, and pointed out that it was an oddly soft word to use to describe nazis.
(Wolf compares it to calling a pedophile a “kid friend”)
She also reminded the world that Flint, Michigan still does not have clean drinking water.
Honestly, good for Wolf for speaking her mind, at the dinner and on NPR.
And no matter how much backlash she receives, her roast made a great advertisement for her upcoming Netflix special.
Anthony Scaramucci Says Michelle Wolf"s Sarah Huckabee Roast Was Ridiculous
Anthony Scaramucci says comedian Michelle Wolf crossed the line when she went after Sarah Huckabee Sanders’ looks at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner … calling the roast ridiculous. We got the Mooch outside Catch Monday night and…
Monday, February 19, 2018
Odell Beckham Jr. Trolls Russ and Harden in All-Star Roast Sesh
Odell Beckham Jr. came out FIRING on his NBA bros from courtside at the All-Star game — from James Harden to Russell Westbrook to Victor Oladipo — and it was pretty damn hilarious. To Dipo: “Little Foot! I seen you on ‘Land Before Time’…
Wednesday, February 7, 2018
Cornell Fraternity Accused of "Pig Roast" Sex Contest
A fraternity at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York has been placed on probation after it was discovered that it made pledges go through with something totally heinous and disgusting.
According to the Daily Sun, the school’s student newspaper, prospective member of Zeta Beta Tau were forced to take part in a fat-shaming game called “Pig Roast.”
Prepare to very possibly get ill as you read about the rules and basic description below:
– Pledges earned points from fraternity brothers for having sex with overweight women.
– The women were never told that they were part of any kind of competition.
– If there was a tie at the end, the victory was awarded to the person who had slept with the heaviest partner.
Details of this wildly inappropriate and truly despicable first leaked last year, prompting an investigation by the university’s Fraternity and Sorority Board.
The investigation concluded last month.
And, clearly, enough evidence existed that proved to the board that such a Pig Roast competition really was happening at the fraternity.
As a result, the chapter has been placed on a two-year probation, and the Ivy League university and the frat’s national office denounced the game, which was the latest example of a Greek organization behaving badly.
Moreover, the fraternity will be required to partake in at least two events during the school’s Sexual Assault Awareness Week.
It also must hire a live-in adviser for the remainder of the probation period and subject itself to external reviews.
In a statement released Saturday, the Cornell chapter of the fraternity said it was in “disbelief” over the allegations of misconduct.
That said, it didn’t deny the allegations.
“The allegations described are contrary to the values that Zeta Beta Tau Fraternity espouses and works in direct conflict with the beliefs and mission of the Kappa Chapter,” the statement said.
We guess those in charge are trying to claim they weren’t aware this gross game was being played?
Concluded the statement:
“Our chapter has worked closely with the Zeta Beta Tau International Headquarters to draft and execute an action plan that addresses this alleged behavior.”
Meanwhile, Ryan Lombardi, Cornell’s vice president for student and campus life, referred to the game “abhorrent,” per the Daily Sun.
“Behavior that degrades and dehumanizes women contributes to a climate and culture of tolerance for sexual violence,” he said.
We agree.
We strongly agree.
Friday, June 23, 2017
Gronk Zings Jews, Blacks, "Fat Ass" at David Ortiz Roast
And now, the comedic stylings of Rob Gronkowski … “You wanna know why Jews do play football??? To get their quarter back you cheap f*ck.” WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA! Yeah, that was the kind of material Gronk was workin’ with at the Roast of David…
Friday, October 21, 2016
Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton -- Famous Boobs at Roast Steal Show ... Totally by Accident (PHOTO)
While Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton went HAM on each other during the NYC roast/charity dinner … they were also getting upstaged by a pair of famous boobs that were expertly placed. The Internet was rightfully distracted by Maria Bartiromo’s…
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Rob Lowe Roast: The 19 Best Burns
Rob Lowe is not just good looking.
He"s also a good sport.
This much was made evident after Jimmy Carr, Ann Coulter, Pete Davidson, Nikki Glaser, Jewel, Ralph Macchio, Peyton Manning, Rob Riggle and Jeff Ross gathered to Roast the star on Comedy Central.
Here"s a collection of the best disses from the event:
1. Jimmy Carr:
In the ’80s Rob was a member of the Brat Pack. Or as they’re now collectively known, the C-List.
2. Jimmy Carr, on Ann Coulter:
Ann is one of the most repugnant, hateful, hatchet-face bitches alive. It’s not too late to change, Ann. You could kill yourself.
3. Jimmy Carr, One More Time:
My friends back home aren’t going to believe it when I tell them that they let me roast Charlie Sheen’s brother’s best friend.
4. Ann Coulter, on Jimmy Carr:
We have comedian Jimmy Carr with us because of [Barack] Obama’s lax immigration policy
5. Pete Davidson
Let’s give it up for Rob Lowe – or as gonorrhea doctors call him, Patient Zero.
6. Pete Davidson, on Ann Coulter:
Last year we had Martha Stewart, who sells sheets, and this year we have Ann Coulter, who cuts holes in them. You racist c–t.
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