Over the weekend millions of Americans guzzled domestic beer, grilled tubes of mystery meat and blew stuff up to celebrate the anniversary of the original Brexit.
We’ve done a lot of questionable things with our freedom over the centuries (Good luck explaining Hammer pants to your grandkids!), but surely we can all agree that Ariel Winter bikini photos might be the crowning achievement of 240 years of American gumption:
Sure we’ve seen Ariel’s huge boobs on countless occasions, but this time they’re celebratory, patriotic boobs!
The actress posted the photo on the left with a caption reading, “Will always look back at this #4thofjuly #fireworks #family #friends #beach”
So will we, Ariel. So will we.
The pic on the right had some lengthy caption about celebrating the birthday of “the most amazing twins on the planet.”
Amazingly, that’s not just Ariel’s nickname for her boobs.
As you can tell, Ariel and her swimwear collection had quite a holiday.
We think it’s important to take time to thank her for paying it forward by sharing her boobs joy with the world.
Sadly, Instagram didn’t exist in 1776 (we looked it up), but if it did, our founding fathers could have saved a lot of time by just emailing a link to these selfies instead of putting a bunch of words down on parchment just to have John Hancock take up all the best signing space like it’s a freakin’ birthday card.
When you think about, those breasts send the exact same message:
Freedom is awesome, and outlandish tariffs on tea and other imported goods will not be tolerated!
Or something.
“Who has time for history when there are boobs to look at?” – Benjamin Franklin*
*Not actually a quote from the Benjamin. Don’t go blaming us if your summer school social studies class again.
