Showing posts with label Farrah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Farrah. Show all posts

Monday, July 23, 2018

Farrah Abraham: Daughter Twerks, Wears Towel, Admits to Killing Dog


"She has her own life and is doing her own thing, and I"m doing mine."


This is something that Farrah said about her daughter, Sophia, when she was only four years old.


Judging by recent developments, it"s also probably something that she would still say today.


Yep, it doesn"t look like Sophia, now nine years old, has much adult supervision, judging by the kinds of things she"s been sharing on social media lately.


And if she does have adult supervision … well, then perhaps we"re even more concerned.




1. Exhausting


Exhausting

How many times are we going to have to talk about Farrah and her complete lack of parenting skills? HOW MANY?!



2. Too Much


Farrah and sophia with flowers

It’s always been excessive, how awful she is, but it’s really been getting out of hand lately.



3. Seriously, Stop


Farrah abraham sucks at photoshop

Just this month, she tried to convince Sophia that it would be a hilarious prank to convince someone that her dog had died, and then when her dog actually died, she took a video of Sophia crying instead of, you know, comforting her.



4. LOCK HER UP


Farrah abraham dressed like a magician

Also this month, Farrah was officially charged with battery after getting violent with a hotel employee — and, don’t forget, during the original incident, Sophia was upstairs sleeping.



5. Ugh


Farrah abraham snapchat image

Earlier this year, she got a lot of negative attention for having Sophia in the room while she got butt injections, and for getting her to film the procedure.



6. Uh …


Farrah abraham blonde for single af

Also earlier this year, she shocked us all when she said that she and Sophia take naked photos of each other and save them on their phones.


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Farrah Abraham: I Wish I Could Change My Kid"s Face, Too Bad It"s Illegal!


Farrah Abraham isn"t going to be winning any Mother of the Year awards soon.


Or ever.


Farrah"s parenting was featured on TV for years on Teen Mom OG, and in all that time, we don"t think we saw one good bit of parenting on her part.


But sometimes, even though she"s so awful all the time, she really goes out of her way to be as terrible as humanly possible.


This is one of those times.




1. Poor Sophia


Farrah abraham and sophia on the red carpet

Farrah’s daughter, Sophia, is nine years old now. And since her father passed away before she was born, that means that Sophia has spent nine solid years solely in the care of Farrah and her parents. And that’s sad.



2. What a Time


Farrah and sophia abraham photo

Over the years, Sophia’s been through a lot. She took many tumbles as an infant, thanks to Farrah’s poor supervision, and who could forget the time that Farrah tried to wax her eyebrows when she was just three years old?



3. … What


Farrah abraham and sophia on valentines day

Oh, and the time that Farrah said that she and Sophia liked to spend time apart because “She has her own life and is doing her own thing, and I’m doing mine.” Sophia was four years old then.



4. Bad Ideas


Farrah abraham sucks at photoshop

Now that Sophia is older, it seems like she only has more to lose, like her education. Yep, Farrah has pulled her out of school so she could homeschool her herself. Because that will go well.



5. Ugh


Farrah abraham blonde for single af

Farrah also allows Sophia to get on social media, to attend events usually reserved for adults, and to sit in on conversations that she’s really too young to hear, as evidenced on every episode of Teen Mom OG.



6. Oh Good


Farrah and sophia with flowers

And because all of that isn’t bad enough, now we have to worry about Farrah involving her kid in her plastic surgery obsession.


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Farrah Abraham: I Want to Date My Clone! Can We Make That Happen?

The Maxim Hot 100 event took place in Los Angeles over the weekend. For some reason, Farrah Abraham was there.


While there, Farrah took a break from dreaming about giving her daughter plastic surgery and spoke about her favorite subject — herself.


Specifically, she spoke about the dos and don’ts of dating, and mentioned that her ideal boyfriend would just be a boy version of herself.



At the The Hollywood Palladium on Saturday, July 21, Farrah Abraham spoke to Us Weekly about her romantic life.


And she describes her perfect man.


“Look,” Farrah says. “If I could find a clone of me in a man, I’d date him.”


If went into shock and are suddenly covered with cold sweat at the thought of a clone of Farrah … you are not alone.


“Yes,” Farrah affirms.


We can only imagine that a male clone of Farrah would be delighted to find someone willing to actually date him.



If you, whether you’re a Farrah Clone or simply some person who for whatever reason thinks that dating Farrah might be a non-horrifying activity, she has some advice.


“I don’t even like pick-up lines,” Farrah reveals.


Honestly, who does? The really good ones are rare, and even then, they’re mostly just good for receiving in a text so that you can screencap them for a viral post on social media.


“I think recently,” Farrah recalls. “A guy just like invited me and my daughter to go like boogie board or do something.”


While inviting a child on dates isn’t always appropriate, of course, showing that you’re happy to include someone’s child can be a great move when you’re dating a single parent.


Farrah says that she accepted the invite, “and it turned out to be an amazing day.”



“We met in person,” Farrah explains of this unnamed mystery man. “Actually at one of our agencies I work with.”


“I didn’t know him,” she reveals. “He didn’t know me.”


Oh, that might explain why he asked her out, then.


Farrah explains how she responded to his overture: “It was just like, OK, let’s just like meet up and go out.”


Yep. That’s how it works.


“And it was just very nice,” Farrah says. “So we loved it.”



Farrah continues, and seems to refer to her ex, stunt performer Aden Shay.


“I need to watch whom I date,” Farrah laments. “As many men target me for my success.”


Well, success is relative. But most would consider it a red flag if some dude wants to ride Farrah’s coattails to Farrah levels of fame.


“I’m focused on work right now,” Farrah clarifies. “Between TV and film projects.”


As you may recall, Farrah thinks that J.J. Abrams is going to make a movie about her life.


Farrah’s mind is . . . one of a kind. Until she makes this clone thing happen, we suppose.



Even surrounded by the women whom Maxim considers to be the most beautiful on the planet, Farrah was feeling very confident on Saturday.


“I’m feeling sexy. I’m feeling really sexy tonight,” she announced. “I’m wearing Fashion Nova, and I’m feeling really hot.”


Well, it’s L.A. in July. It’s a sun-baked dessert.


Farrah does reveal that she wants to keep her “dating life low-key.”


We’ll believe it when we don’t hear about it.



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Sunday, July 22, 2018

Farrah Abraham: I"d Totally Mess with My Daughter"s Face, But It"s Illegal!

How is Farrah Abraham so awful?


Serious question.



Does she try? She has to try, right?


Maybe she keeps a little diary in which she jots down any ideas she has about terrible things she can do that will get her some attention, that’s a possibility.


Or perhaps she’s smarter than we think she is, and she pretends to be completely incapable of using words as yet another way to get people to talk about her.


Let’s hope that one of those is the case, because if not, if she really is just that bad … well, there’s only so much faith we can lose in humanity, you know?


There are countless examples of Farrah’s revolting ways, but this week alone, she’s really outdone herself.


To start, she was officially charged with battery after that incident last month in which she got violent with a security guard at a hotel in Beverly Hills.



She was also charged with resisting arrest, because apparently you can’t tell police officers to go f-ck themselves without facing some consequences.


After that, she uploaded a video on Facebook in which she was heard trying to convince her poor daughter, Sophia, that it would be a funny prank to tell someone that her dog had died.


And then, just a day later, her dog actually died.


While that’s very sad, of course Farrah had to make it weird by filming a video of herself crying with Sophia over the dog’s body and uploading it to Instagram.


She made it even weirder by taking the dog’s remains to a taxidermist, and calling paparazzi so cameras would be around to catch that bizarre moment.


Like we said, she’s outdone herself this week.



And now, thanks to a new interview, she’s managed to make things even worse.


During the interview, Farrah brought up the topic of altering Sophia’s appearance — Sophia is nine years old, in case you’d forgotten.


“The only thing that Sophia has mentioned that she wanted was cosmetic dentistry, like I have,” she said.


Yep, Sophia, who likely still has some baby teeth, wants veneers, just like her mama!


She was asked about how old Sophia would have to be before she considered getting the veneers, and it really sounds like it it were up to Farrah, she’d already have them.


“It’s not really my eyes,” she explained, “it’s like health codes and what’s legal.”



“The law for that in Texas, where we move back and forth through, is I believe 16 for her to have her cosmetic dentistry done to her teeth.”


It’s interesting, because she could have very easily given an answer along the lines of “she can get them herself as soon as she turns 18.”


You know, a normal answer.


Instead, she admitted that she’s looked up the laws about getting cosmetic procedures done on a child.


And that’s … well, that’s something else.


Sophia was actually there during the interview, and she was asked if she wanted to be just like her mom when she grows up.



“Sophia’s gonna be better than her mom!” Farrah answered.


“Better than my mom,” Sophia echoed.


Thank goodness for that.


It’s just so alarming that Farrah actually seems to have thought about getting her daughter veneers — and possibly other procedures, considering that she said veneers were “the only thing” Sophia’s expressed interest in so far.


Then again, it really shouldn’t be. After all, this is the girl who tried waxing her daughter’s eyebrows when she was three years old


Later in the interview, Farrah was asked about the current state of her relationship with her mother, Debra Danielsen.


“You know what, we have the best relationship,” she answered. “I keep it comfortable with us for our safety and positivity.”



“My mom’s in her own space, and I am in mine, and it’s great.”


She also had one thing to say about her departure from Teen Mom OG — “Thank God.”


However, it sounds like she’s on the lookout for another reality show to take her own.


“I think reality TV loves me,” she said, “I always willl love reality TV.”


Bless her immodest little heart, she added “I’m so well-known and so great in that, but I also know after 10 years of doing something, it’s just natural progression to keep growing — producing, directing, screenwriting, filming.”


“I just want progression.”


If she wants progression in her career, why wouldn’t she want the same in her parenting skills?


Something to think about.



ReadMore…

Friday, July 20, 2018

Farrah Abraham is Shocked "Teen Mom OG" Cast Bristol Palin

Farrah Abraham thinks Bristol Palin’s in for a huge shock on “Teen Mom OG” because her conservative views will not be welcome around producers. The ‘Teen Mom’ alum tells us she’s not surprised Bristol wanted to come on board the popular…


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Farrah Abraham: Mother Seeking Custody of Sophia After Assault Charges!

There’s a lot going on with Farrah Abraham at the moment, huh?


And not one single bit of it is good.



This week, her dog died — a Pomeranian named Blue that she and Sophia had gotten five years ago.


As if that wasn’t sad enough, Farrah made the situation sad in a different way by filming a video of Sophia crying over the dog’s lifeless body and throwing it up on Instagram.


On top of losing poor, poor Blue, it was just decided that she’d face charges for assaulting that hotel employee last month in Beverly Hills.


You remember what happened: she started arguing with other guests at the hotel, and she got so annoying that a security guard came to kick her out.


She allegedly became violent with the guard, hitting him in the face with her arm and then grabbing and pushing his face with her hand, and police were called.


When officers arrived, she told them to “f-ck off” and “go f-ck yourselves” multiple times, and when they took her to jail, she stayed there until the next afternoon.



She’s been charged with battery and with resisting arrest — both misdemeanors.


And on top of that, Farrah has been pretty messy lately, more than usual, even.


Her frozen yogurt shop got shut down, she’s been feuding with other reality stars, she’s been messing with her face again


It’s a tough time to be an Abraham.


Since Farrah has been having such a tough time right now, her mother, Debra Danielsen, has been talking to anyone who will listen about how maybe she should have custody of Sophia instead.


And since Farrah could be facing up to 18 months in jail with her new charges, she just might have a point.


In a new interview with Radar Online, Debra discusses what’s going on with her estranged daughter.



“It’s sad to say,” she tells the website, “but you can’t disrespect other people and get away with it. It’s important for Farrah to learn she needs to respect other people.”


She also says that she agrees with the charges, so it sounds like she’s totally cool with her golden child spending some time behind bars.


Us too, Deb.


Thanks to all of this new criminal nonsense, and also because of who Farrah is as a person, Debra says she has “no doubt” that Sophia would have a better life with her.


“I would have Sophia in a great school,” she explains. “She can socialize and be a kid, just like Farrah. She needs to be a regular kid.”


“Go to school and achieve academically. She loves science.”



Doesn’t that break your heart, that Sophia loves science? Because realistically, how much science is she able to study while being homeschooled by Farrah?


Debra also believes that Sophia is too young to be traveling so much and going to the kind of events that Farrah attends.


“There are too many pedophiles out there who take advantage of minors,” she argues. “It’s a scary world out there.”


“Sophia is so precious. She is a blessing. I would not put my child on display.”


But even though she feels so strongly about this, she says that she won’t fight Farrah for custody — not because she doesn’t want it, but because as a grandparent, she simply doesn’t have the right.


“There are laws in this country that prohibit grandparents from protecting grandchildren,” she claims.


“Sometimes it’s in the best interest of the minor a grandparent could step in. Why? To give the parent a time out to take care of themselves. There is no harm in that.”



She says that even if she had a team of lawyers, she legally wouldn’t be able to get Sophia, which honestly seems a bit off to us.


There are so many grandparents who have taken custody of their grandchildren in situations like these.


That’s why Jenelle Evans’ mother has custody of her son.


Debra may be unsuccessful, but if she’s that worried about Farrah’s ability to parent, there’s absolutely no reason why she can’t at least try to get custody of Sophia.


But there could be a chance Deb is making that excuse because she doesn’t want Farrah to cut her out of her life completely, which she could very well do if a custody battle were to begin.


“I do believe it can be fixed,” she said of her relationship with Farrah.


“Farrah, I love her very much. She is my daughter. I have sacrificed and given my life to her. I wish her nothing but well.”



Who would do a better job at raising Sophia?


Honestly, it’s hard to say.


We believe Debra when she says that she’d get her into a nice school, which would be so much better for her than being dragged around the world with Farrah.


But on the other hand … Debra raised Farrah.


She’s also filmed abusing her on Teen Mom more than once.


We’re not exactly confident in her ability to raise a child, either.


Best of luck, Sophia. You’re going to need it.



ReadMore…

Farrah Abraham Hands Off Dead Dog to Taxidermist

Farrah Abraham’s beloved Pomeranian, Blue, died suddenly Wednesday — but her pooch will have an afterlife … stuffed on a shelf. Farrah and her daughter, Sophia, boxed up Blue’s corpse Thursday and handed it to a taxidermist…


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Farrah Abraham om Bristol Palin: UGH! Who Cares?!?


It"s stunning, but it"s true:


Bristol Palin will be a cast member on Teen Mom OG.


Yes, that Bristol Palin, the same one whose mom ran for Vice President of the entire United States in 2008.


Palin has three kids and have birth to her first when she was a teen, so, hey, we guess she qualifies!


Does Farrah Abraham agree?


After we got over the initial shock of Brisol landing this role, we got to wondering what Farrah thinks about MTV"s decision to replace her with Palin.


Scroll down and all around to find out her response…




1. Wait, Wait… BRISTOL PALIN!


Bristol and some kids

We swear, it’s true! TMZ broke the news and other outlets have since confirmed. The 27-year old is the mother to a 9-year old named Tripp; a two-year old named Sailor; and a 14-month old named Atlee.



2. Why Would MTV Do This?


Bristol palin looks crazy

Ummm… are you kidding? Bristol may have been the most famous teen mom in history when she got pregnant, as she carried a child in her unmarried womb while her mother was running for the second-highest office in the land. Talk about a ratings-grabbed!



3. Why Would Bristol Do This?


Bristol palin and children

For fame and fortune. She has been out of the spotlight for years and we’re assuming her paycheck is somewhere in the deep six figures. At minimum.



4. Has Palin Appeared on Reality TV Before?


Bristol palin and tripp

Yes, which is another reason why this isn’t a shock from her point of view. Palin co-starred, for example, on her mother’s TLC series Sarah Palin’s Alaska in 2010 .



5. And Also…


Bristol on lifes a tripp

… let’s not forget she was actually given her very own Lifetime series titled “Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp” for one season in 2012.



6. And Also One More…


Bristol palin and mark ballas heat

She also appeared on seasons 11 AND 15 of Dancing With the Stars. She finished in third place during her initial run and was eliminated on week four during her All-Stars run years later.


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Thursday, July 19, 2018

Farrah Abraham: My Kid"s Dog Died for Real, Watch Her Cry Over It!


Farrah Abraham has never been known to be compassionate or thoughtful, nor has she been known to make solid parenting choices.


But still, this new thing is despicable, even for her.


Just days after she handed herself a brand new scandal by trying to convince her daughter to "prank" some friends by telling them her dog died, her dog actually died.

 

Yep, karma acted swiftly here, and unfortunately, a sweet little dog named Blue paid the price.

 

But the way Farrah is handling the situation is sincerely unbelievable …



1. The Dynamic Duo


The dynamic duo

Look, Farrah makes a whole, whole lot of bad choices as a mother. She just does. We’ve discussed this many, many times.



2. SUCH Bad Choices


Farrah and sophia at the mtv movie awards

Farrah thought it was a good idea to pull Sophia out of school so that she could homeschool her. In reality, it was not a good idea at all, because if Farrah has such trouble stringing a sentence together, how is she going to be responsible for a child’s entire education?



3. Tsk Tsk


Farrah abraham wears clothes

There’s also that whole thing where she seems incapable of understanding that some things should be off limits for children, like discussions about her sex tape and eyebrow waxings.



4. Oh No …


Sophia abraham drinking juice

But earlier this week, Farrah went and topped herself by trying to convince Sophia and her friends to prank someone by telling them that her dog died.



5. Um


Farrah abraham red hair

It was weird because how is that a prank? Farrah’s master plan was for Sophia to ring someone doorbell, run away, and then go back and tell that person that her dog had died. Is that … is that supposed to be funny? What is even the point? Also, how twisted is that idea?!



6. Dang, Karma


Sad face farrah

That happened just a few days ago, and you won’t believe what’s happened for the Abrahams now.


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Farrah Abraham: I"m Not Going to Jail! That"s Fake News!

Last month, Farrah Abraham was arrested after allegedly attacking a male staff member at the Beverly Hills Hotel.


Earlier this week, Farrah was formally charged with assault, and prosecutors decided to tack on resisting arrest for good measure.




(That’ll happen when video of you telling the police to go f-ck themselves makes its way across social media.)


Naturally, Farrah handled the situation by admitting blame, asking forgiveness of the victim, and entering therapy in order to ensure that nothing like this ever happens.


Just kidding, she’s actually been blaming everyone else for her arrest and lying about the altercation every chance she gets.


Yes, despite considerable evidence to the contrary (Did we mention that video with the cops and the F-bombs?), Farrah says she was not arrested.


Most recently, she made that delusional claim on the Instagram page of Paparazzi Magazine after the outlet tagged her in a post about the arrest.


“Don’t tag me on lies all this is false,” Farrah commented.



 “False info,” she added.


Yes, apparently, “false info” is Farrah’s version of “fake news.”


Sadly, she won’t be old enough to run for president in 2020, but the way her career is going, you can expect her to be elected to the White House in 2028.


Anyway, to the surprise of absolutely no one, Farrah is completely full of it.


She was arrested; she has been charged with multiple misdemeanors; and she is facing 18 months in prison.


The folks over at Hollywood Life even went so far as to obtain court documents pertaining to Farrah’s arrest.


Armed with that evidence, HL reached out to Farrah for comment.



The surprising part is, she actually responded.


The not-so-surprising part is, she’s still trying to BS everyone.


“This case is all false. It’s all lies. It’s all false information,” Farrah responded.


“The court date has been set for August 13th, but there has been no judge assigned. I’ve told everybody this is all false.”


Man, she really loves that “false info” catchphrase.


You’ve gotta love how Farrah thinks she can just make people’s heads spin with legal mumbo-jumbo, and everyone will be like, “Well, she must be telling the truth!”


A word of legal advice, Farrah — don’t try that on the judge.



ReadMore…

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Farrah Abraham Dares Daughter to Tell Friend Her Dog Died!


We didn"t think it was possible, but Farrah Abraham might have just reached a new low as a mother.


According to Radar Online, Farrah recently posted and deleted a video in which she encourages her daughter to tell a friend her dog died as a prank.


More sociopathic than funny, we would say.


And it seems a lot of Farrah"s followers agree with that assessment.


Check out the gallery below to see how Farrah is traumatizing our nation"s children this week:




1. Farrah and Sophia


Farrah and sophia at the mtv movie awards

Farrah has made no secret of the fact that she’s hellbent on making Sophia famous. And her latest attempt might be her most bonkers to date.



2. The Worst Idea Ever


Farrah abraham with sophia at sephora

The mother-daughter duo is launching a webseries called Kids Dare. And it sounds flat-out awful.



3. Kids Dare


Farrah abraham sucks at photoshop

“It’s called Kids Dare,” Farrah tells Radar Online. “It’s like a mix between Punk’d and America’s Funniest Home Videos.”



4. Farrah’s In Charge


Farrah abraham on insta

We suppose in the right hands, that idea could work. But this is a Farrah project, so naturally, it went off the rails immediately.



5. The Brains of the Operation


Farrah abraham in a gold and black dress

Yes, it seems this webseries is 100 percent Farrah’s idea, and she’s the one calling off the shots. And if you know the woman, you know how dangerous that is.



6. Starting Out Simply


Farrah abraham on the red carpet

“First we’re going to ding-dong ditch,” Farrah says at the start of the now-deleted introductory video.


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Farrah Abraham Faces Jail Time on Assault Charges, Still Denies Everything


Farrah Abraham … she"s just such a special soul, isn"t she?


Rarely do we ever see a person so delusional, so misguided, so completely incapable of saying words.


Over the years, she"s been getting worse, too, to the point where she"s starting to get herself in trouble.


Remember when she was arrested for assaulting an employee at a hotel last month?


As if the incident itself wasn"t bad enough for her, she"s now facing some consequences for what she (allegedly!) did.


And those consequences are actually pretty intense.




1. Sigh …


Farrah abraham in a bowtie

This is Farrah. You know Farrah! She is an absolute mess.



2. You Can’t Do That, Farrah


Sad face farrah

She’s such a mess that last month, she was arrested at a hotel in Beverly Hills after hitting a security guard.



3. Girl, No


Farrah abraham red hair

According to police and several witnesses, Farrah seemed to be intoxicated and she’d been arguing with other guests at the hotel. Things were bad enough that the security guard came to kick her out, and that’s when she started getting violent.



4. Just Stop


Farrah abraham sass

She also said things like “you should know who I am,” and she even told the responding police officers “go f-ck yourselves,” which is just too embarrassing to handle.



5. Great Parenting, As Usual


Farrah and sophia at the mtv movie awards

While she was being arrested, her daughter, Sophia, was fast asleep in their hotel room. So that’s cute.



6. Jail Time!


Farrah abraham weight loss lollipop

She spent that night and the next morning in jail before getting bailed out that afternoon, and when she was released, she was quick to tell everyone that she was “targeted” and that she didn’t do anything wrong. Because of course she didn’t.


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Farrah Abraham Has Wrestling Fantasy, Bring On Alexa Bliss!

Hulk Hogan. Ultimate Warrior. The chick from ‘Backdoor Teen Mom.’ Yes, Farrah Abraham has dreams of becoming a professional wrestler — and tells TMZ Sports she’s got her sights set on squaring off with some of the biggest names in WWE.  FYI,…


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Monday, July 16, 2018

Farrah Abraham: Headed to Jail For Assault, Resisting Arrest?!

When Farrah Abraham got arrested at the Beverly Hills Hotel last month, it initially looked as though she might walk away from the situation scot-free.


Though she remained in jail for more than 24 hours awaiting bail, prosecutors took their sweet time deciding whether or not she should be charged for allegedly assaulting a staff member at the hotel.



Well, good news for all you Farrah-haters out there:


Not only have the powers that be determined Ms. Abraham should go before a judge for the attack, they’ve also decided to charge her with resisting arrest!


This, according to TMZ, who reports that if she’s convicted on both charges, Farrah could face up to 18 months in prison.


There was a time when we’d say there’s no way someone with Farrah’s wealth, connections, and whiteness would ever go to jail over a pair of misdemeanors, but there are several factors that lead us to believe she might actually wind up doing time.


For starters, there’s the egregious nature of her offense.



Farrah didn’t justice resist arrest, she told the cops to “f-ck off,” repeatedly and in front of a video camera.


To make matters worse, Farrah’s 9-year-old daughter, Sophia, was in the hotel at the time of the incident.


Granted, she was upstairs asleep, but still.


Getting completely hammered and assaulting someone who was probably just trying to do his job while your young daughter is asleep under the same roof is … not a good look.


And while there was a time when pretty much every celebrity carried a wallet full of “get out of jail free” cards, those days are long gone.


In fact, Farrah’s years as a reality star might actually work to her disadvantage.



A decade of abusive and often violent behavior has been documented by camera crews and can now be viewed by a sentencing judge as a sort of impartial character witness.


And since Farrah was recently fired by MTV, she no longer enjoys the sort of personal wealth that might allow her to assemble an OJ-esque legal dream team.


That doesn’t mean Farrah is poor, of course — or remotely worried about her situation.


In fact, this week saw the launch of Farrah’s first app, which promises subscribers such perks as (non-porn) “exclusive” videos and the opportunity to follow Farrah on her own in-app social media network.


The venture probably won’t make her much money, but it serves as a reminder that Farrah is so delusional she would never consider the possibility that she’s not actually above the law.



ReadMore…

Farrah Abraham to Fans: Buy My App & I Might Hang Out With You Losers!


Sure, Farrah Abraham is still fired from Teen Mom OG, but that doesn"t mean she"s about to go gently into the good night of former reality star obscurity.


In fact, she"s been on her grind more than ever lately, making tabloid headlines like it"s her job … which we suppose it sort of is.


In the past few weeks, Farrah has been arrested for assault; she"s launched feuds with fellow washed-up reality stars, and of course, she"s been posting scantily-clad photos to her social media pages.


The girl has a product to sell, and it"s herself.


She"s banking on people like you wanting to know all about her hopes, dreams, and upcoming porn projects.


And now, it seems she"s under the impression that you"ll be willing to pay for that privilege:




1. The Farrah Files


Farrah abraham in a bowtie

Yes, folks, it’s finally here — the app that puts all others to shame! Take a hike, Google Maps! Beat it, Uber! The official farrah Abraham app is now available for download!



2. Creativity — Not Her Strong Suit


Farrah abraham in underwear for some reason

Yes, quite lamely, the app is named simply “Farrah Abraham.” This might create confusion among fans who wish to purchase Farrah’s, um … other services.



3. Knowing Her Audience


Farrah abraham app launch

But what Farrah lacks in innovation, she makes up for with shameless self-promotion. Here she is pitching her app to fans as only she can.



4. Come Again?


Come again

For the most part, she’s clearly just reading from cue cards here, but there’s a weird bit at the end about how much she likes “the outdoors and summer.” Anyway, it might be the least nonsensical she’s ever been.



5. A Heaping Helping of Word Salad


Farrah abraham sucks at photoshop

And of course, no Farrah post would be complete without a massive block of emoji-laden text as a caption. “I’m freakin out my first app launched today at the @apple store,” Farrah wrote, adding that she’s hoping to take a break Instagram and Twitter for the foreseeable future.



6. Farrah For Sale!


Farrah abraham in a gold and black dress

“So happy I have my own app now & can have a break from social media! Enter to win a LA trip to join me for my App launch pool party!” Abraham wrote. Yes, Farrah wants to invite one lucky fan to bang … sorry, we mean HANG with her in Los Angeles.


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