Showing posts with label Masturbating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Masturbating. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Ex-NFLer Tony Beckham Breaks Man"s Face For Allegedly Masturbating Near Daughter"s Window

Breaking News
Former NFL DB Tony Beckham — a Titans 4th-round pick in 2002 — beat the hell out of a man after he allegedly caught the guy masturbating outside his 15-year-old daughter’s window.
Cops in Palm Beach County, Florida say Tony saw a man with his hands down his pants...
Ex-NFLer Tony Beckham Breaks Man"s Face For Allegedly Masturbating Near Daughter"s Window

Monday, June 25, 2018

Tennis Star Nick Kyrgios Gets Stiff Fine For Masturbating Water Bottle

Tennis star Nick Kyrgios was slapped with a hard fine of $ 17,500 for pretending his water bottle was a penis … and masturbating it on the court.  It all went down Saturday during his Queen’s Club Championship semi-final match when…


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Saturday, August 5, 2017

Robert Pattinson Says He Was Joking About Masturbating a Dog

Robert Pattinson now confesses he’s no hero to PETA … turns out he never putting his foot down over an order to masturbate a dog. The actor said on Jimmy Kimmel’s show Thursday the director of his new movie, “Good Time,” asked him to perform the…


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Thursday, July 27, 2017

Gina Rodriguez: I Used to Feel SO Guilty for Masturbating!

Self-described “horny motherf—er” Kendra Wilkinson isn’t the only person being very direct about sex talk these days.


Jane The Virgin star Gina Rodriguez has captivated audiences and fans because she’s honestly just wonderful. We get excited whenever she has something to say.


And she’s really not mincing words about her own sexual history.



So, Gina Rodriguez is talented and beautiful and such a sweetheart.


She’s the cover story for the August/September issue of Bust magazine.


(Which is not as boobacious as it sounds)


Gina Rodriguez does, however, talk about sex and sexuality.


Specifically, about masturbation.


And guilt.



“In all honesty, I used to feel guilty for masturbating.”


No, she doesn’t mean, like, “oh, why did I spend so much time masturbating! I’ve still got to shower and I’m going to be late meeting my friends for dinner!”


She also doesn’t mean: “In retrospect, I really shouldn’t have been jackin’ it to a fanfic with such a problematic pairing.”


She means it in more of a “oh no I did something sinful” way. We’ll get to that in a moment.


“Oh, my God, this extreme guilt! And that lasted way too long.”


Some people grow out of feeling needless guilt faster than others.


Poor Gina.


“Or maybe I masturbated too much!”


Unless she was injuring herself or other aspects of her life suffered, is there really any such thing?


“It’s OK to look back in retrospect and be like, it wasn’t good that I felt bad about touching myself.”


It’s good that she’s talking about this.


She’s a role model and this could help other people, especially girls — who may have a similar background to her — feel less weird about normal bodily functions.


Giving yourself an orgasm is basically just part of everyday maintenance, you know?


She also mentions that she’s free of senseless guilt over another aspect of sexuality.


“And it isn’t bad that I want to share my love with my boyfriend. I’m 32 years old, I’m an adult, I can do that!”


She’s absolutely right.


Gina’s been dating hunky boyfriend Joe LoCicero for almost a year, now.



You might be wondering about why she would feel guilty — sure, our sex-negative society is weird about masturbation, but mostly just in public, since just about everybody does it.


Well, she was raised Catholic.


That’s not racist stereotyping on our part or us assuming that everybody who went to a high school with “Saint” in the name is Catholic.


She was raised Catholic and that comes with more than a thousand years of theological teachings.


According to Catholic doctrine, masturbation is absolutely wrong, always.


Not just for girls, not just for people when they’re young, not just when porn is involved.


By Catholic teaching, sex is only supposed to take the form of venereal intercourse between spouses, without any sort of artificial birth-control.


In other words, followers are forbidden from ever having an orgasm that doesn’t involve their spouse in this exact manner.


The vast majority of Catholics are personally fine with masturbation and using condoms, because the more rules that a religious institution has, the more of them people are just going to brush off.


Especially the ones that are almost impossible to follow.


For the record, there are Catholics who absolutely stick to this and have zero pre-marital orgasms.


But … probably the vast majority don’t, because they’re also people.


(Plus, orgasms are just super good for you)



Honestly, we love Gina Rodriguez.


This isn’t the first time that she’s addressed sexuality.


She’s previously made an ambiguous statement that leads us to believe that Gina Rodriguez may be bisexual.


Regardless of her sexual orientation or how much needless guilt she used to feel, she’s an absolute gift to us all.


Bless.



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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

O.J. Simpson: Busted Masturbating in Prison? Will It Affect His Parole?!

O.J. Simpson beat murder charges in part because of attorney Johnnie Cochran’s famous argument, “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit.”


So it’s somewhat ironic that the same hands that helped the Juice become the first NFL running back to rush for 2,000 yards in a single season might now keep him behind bars.


And it’s all because of Simpson’s legendary ball control.



Several media outlets reported today that Simpson, who may be eligible for parole as early as this week, might have run afoul of prison officials by being caught masturbating in his cell. 


Doing so would’ve put Simpson in violation of Lovelock Correctional Center rules, thus jeopardizing his parole.


Fortunately for O.J., it now looks as though the story was nothing but a pump fake.


TMZ is reporting that the story is erroneous, and Simpson was not caught deflating his balls like a Patriots equipment manager.


We’re not surprised.


After all, as a result of his famous murder trial, Simpson is probably much more careful about where he spills his DNA these days.



Of course, we certainly wouldn’t blame the guy if he had been caught brewing up a batch of homemade Stickum.


A decade behind bars is a less-than ideal situation for a running back.


It means the former Buffalo Bills standout hasn’t been able to find a hole in ten years.


He may have had a cellmate or two willing to “play center” over the years, but modern prisons do a pretty thorough job of limiting sexual contact between prisoners.


What’s important now is that the 70-year-old Heisman Trophy winner saves his seed as his release date approaches.


KUWTK has been slumping in the ratings, and we’re sure Kris Jenner would love nothing more than to have Simpson father another Kardashian.



Sure, O.J. and Kris are both a bit past prime baby-making years, but imagine the headlines!


Besides, Simpson beat murder charges despite DNA evidence, motive, a history of violence, and the lack of a convincing alibi.


If that’s not proof he can do anything, we don’t what is.



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O.J. Simpson NOT Busted Masturbating in Prison

O.J. Simpson was not involved in an illegal beating in prison … if ya know what we mean. There’s a story circulating that Simpson’s potential parole is in jeopardy because he was caught masturbating in his cell at Lovelock Correctional Center…


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Monday, May 15, 2017

This Man Arrested For Masturbating Feverishly "Cause He Hates Portland

A 59-year-old man was indicted last Thursday after he was seen "masturbating vigorously" outside of a youth center in Portland, Oregon.


He apparently did this because he hates the Pacific Northwest city, which makes us wonder if he"s ever been to several dozen others.



According to court documents, a Portland police officer responded to a phoned-in complaint of public indecency at the location in question.


The officer soon encountered Terry Lee Andreassen.


"With his erect penis exposed to the public."


His "vigorous" use of the organ attracted attention … not that we"ve heard a lot of accounts of people performing this action apathetically. 


When Andreassen saw the police officer, he "put his penis back in his pants and began to walk away," according to the official report.


Documents state that at that point, the officer asked Andreassen whether or not he felt it was appropriate to masturbate in such a setting.


He was also asked he was doing it.


Andreassen responded to the officer that he was on meth and wanted to go back to prison, because, frankly, he "f–king hates Portland."


There you have it.


Apparently no stranger to such behavior, Andreassen has previous convictions for public indecency going back to at least 2001.


In 2014, Andreassen was observed "laying on the sidewalk" at an intersection downtown and "stroking his penis outside of his pants."


During that incident, he was "staring at several females in the bar that were standing in line" … and reportedly for two nights in a row. 


Andreassen is currently booked at the Multnomah County Inverness Jail awaiting arraignment, and hopefully a lengthy trip to rehab.


Man masturbates vigorously because he hates portland oregon gets
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Thursday, January 5, 2017

Delta Sued After 2 Employees Reported "Mentor" Masturbating in the Office

Delta condones masturbating in the office and cracking jokes about it … so say 2 former employees suing the airline giant. Kayla Jenkins and Lauren Heffernan filed the lawsuit alleging Delta higher-ups went to great lengths to give them the…


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Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Police Investigating Alleged Masturbating San Diego Chargers Security Guard

The San Diego Chargers security guard who was allegedly caught masturbating on video while he stood on the field could lose more than his job … because cops are now on the case. Law enforcement in SD tells us they’ve been made aware of the…


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Friday, August 19, 2016

Justin Bieber Masturbating Photo: Leaked Online?!

By now, there’s a good chance you’ve already seen Justin Bieber’s penis.



The thing is so well known at this point that it should have its own publicist.


Even Bieber’s dad talks about his penis online, which is both gross and a reminder of just how ubiquitous the Biebs-dong is these days.


Anyway, if the Internet has taught us anything, it’s that just because people have seen something once, that doesn’t mean they don’t want to see it again and again and again.


See: cat memes, photos Ariel Winter’s boobs for other examples.


So without further ado, here’s the latest shot of the Bieber peen:


As you can see, Justin appears to be at full mast in this pic, so we can assume he was recently looking in the mirror.


The photo was allegedly leaked after someone hacked into the Instagram of Biebs’ on-again, off-again gal pal Chantel Jeffries.


Justin hasn’t responded to the pics yet, but already, insiders from his camp are saying the pic is photoshopped.



If that’s the case, then we really have to commend whoever did the ‘shopping on this one.


That’s really a hell of a fine edit.


Like, hopefully the person responsible puts this one in their profile and gets a job or an internship out of this, because their retouching skills are top-notch.


Yeah, we should probably be discussing the Bieber penis instead of the quality of the photo, but like we said, this is a dong you’ve all seen before (if it is, in fact, his dong).


The real news here is the emergence of this exciting young talent in the world of celebrity dick pic-faking!


Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Zendaya Appears to Be Masturbating on This Magazine Cover

Zendaya Coleman is no stranger to controversy.


Over the past several months, the 19-year old has called out a magazine for editing her photos… and also called out Giuliana Rancic for criticizing her appearance at the Academy Awards.



But this is a new and different scandal for the young actress.


Zendaya covers the summer issue of Magazine, posing for the publication in a dress with her head tilted back.


Her left hand is covering a breast and her right hand is in between her legs … and that’s where the contrivers comes in.


It sure does look like Zendaya is pleasuring herself, doesnt it? We’re not sure how else to interpret this photo.


And we aren’t alone in this assessment.


“Did y’all purposely pick a cover that looks like a little girl touching herself?” wrote one Instagram user, adding very simply: “Sick!!!”


Wrote another critic: “@zendaya Shame on you.”


Made aware of the comments, the actress/singer/model – who often speaks out about cultural pride, female empowerment and Internet trolling – took to her own social media account and acknowledged the criticism.


She understands where it’s coming from.


“I see what y’all saying by the hand placement lmao,” she wrote in response. “But that was not intentional you little pervs.”


We find that hard to believe.


But we also wonder: is a double standard at play here?


Nobody gave Justin Bieber a hard time for grabbing his penis recently? They just considered it a sexy pose by the singer.


So even if is Zendaya intentionally making an X-rated, why should she receive flak when a male celebrity simply received props?