Well, we all expected last night’s episode of Game of Thrones to focus on one big, bloody battle.
But we didn’t expect it to start in Meereen.
If you were one of the one of the fans who griped that the last two episodes were a bit slow, you certainly weren’t alone … fortunately showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss burned those complaints to the ground with dragons and fire bombs in the opening minutes of “Battle of the Bastards.”
Props to the show’s effects team for making the show’s most bonkers dragon action to date seem entirely believable.
And props to the writers for catching us off guard with the whole thing.
An elaborate con took place this week, as even the promotional material from this week’s episode only featured pics from the titular throwdown at Winterfell:
After some truly epic badassery from Daenerys and Tyrion, we move northwest to see if fans’ third favorite character can save his little half-bro and reclaim his boyhood home from the sadistic Ramsay Bolton.
Ramsay is just as ball-bustingly awful in his first meeting with Jon as you would guess, but Jon’s clash with Sansa in the war room is genuinely surprising.
We might feel confident that the good guys will prevail, but Sansa is clearly (and rightfully) less assured.
Adding to the uncertainty is the fact that Melisandre refuses Jon’s request to leave him dead this time.
The scene is effective in planting a seed of doubt in the viewers’ mind:
We were convinced that Jon Snow couldn’t be killed again for reasons of narrative repetition, but now that there’s more at stake, all bets are off.
Following a heart-wrenching scene that reminds us both of Davos’ affection for Stannis’ daughter and the disaster that ensued the last time he assisted a military campaign against Ramsay Bolton, the action makes a sudden shift back to Meereen.
The Greyjoys have arrived at the seat of Daenerys’ power, and both she and Tyrion are less than thrilled to see them.
(Tyrion’s callback to season 1 is the latest example of the writers bringing things full circle in preparation for the end.)
The agreement between House Targaryen and House Greyjoy represents a major plot development, but just as interestingly Daenerys outlines her vision for a better world in a speech that underscores the fact that the gap between good and evil is wider than ever in the world of GoT.
Another reminder that the show’s moral gray areas are beginning to take on tones of black and white comes in the next scene when Ramsay offs Rickon Stark in brutal fashion after teasing him (and his onlooking brother and sister) with the prospect of escape.
And with that, the long-awaited Bastard Bowl begins.
Right off the bat it’s as epic and bloody as we expected (Hand-to-hand combat on top of piles of dead bodies, anyone?).
What we didn’t expect is that the macabre sense of humor that the show brought to one of its grisliest battles to date.
Jon is often left awkwardly standing around with nothing to do; Ramsay stands back and watches the action like Little Lord Sadistic Fauntleroy; Wun Wun the giant awesomely takes out a headless horseman.
The visual gags come to an abrupt end, however, when the Bolton forces circle the Stark army in a well-shielded and rapidly closing phalanx.
Remember what we said earlier about the show drawing clear lines in the sand between good and evil?
Well, the most morally ambiguous man in Westeros has finally come down squarely on the side of good, as on Littlefinger’s command, the the army of the Vale swoops in to take out Ramsay’s troops just as they’re closing in on the Stark forces,
(Good thing Lord Baelish and company didn’t stop for coffee on the way, right?)
Ramsay acts every bit like the coward we always knew he was, fleeing from combat with Jon and then frantically loosing arrows when it seems he’s left with no choice.
Jon whups his ass, but lets Sansa finish the job in what may be the show’s most satisfying villain death to date.
And with the snarl of some dogs and the tearing of some human gristle, Sansa’s transformation into full-blown badass an Queen in the North is complete.
Long may she reign.
Watch Game of Thrones online to get caught up in time for the season six finale.
It may not be as pulse-pounding as this week’s installment, but it’ll be interesting to see how Weiss and Benioff wrap up all this season’s loose ends.