The sixth season of Game of Thrones may be the show’s most eventful to date, but with the possible exception of the death of Hodor (a fairly minor, albeit beloved character), it has yet to hit us with a stunner on par with the Red Wedding or the execution of Ned Stark.
That didn’t change with “No One,” but the stage is certainly set for a bloody and jaw-dropping conclusion.
Appropriately, the season’s eighth installment opened with a reenactment of one of the most memorable deaths in the recent history of Westeros – that of His Douchiness, Prince Joffrey.
As the show’s been wont to do this season, it answered any questions left over from the previous week’s cliffhanger right off the bat:
Arya is alive, and the actress she was once tasked with assassinating is both a badass with a history of violence and a remarkably solicitous mother figure.
Perhaps the clearest way that this season has stood out from the five that preceded it (aside from the aforementioned breakneck pacing and the fact that the plot has progressed beyond the end point of George R.R. Martin’s books) is its humor.
The scene in which the Hound quickly dispatches several members of the Brotherhood Without Banners may have been grim, but it also featured some one-liners worthy of a top-notch ’80s Die Hard knockoff (“You’re sh-t at dying, you know that?”)
Speaking of badass revenants (Thank you, Leo, for teaching us that word.), we learn that Daenerys has become a messiah figure thanks to fervent preaching from yet another red priestess.
We also get the long awaited return of Tyrion and Varys, both absent in the previous two episodes.
Sadly, however, it seems that Stewie-and-Brian-esque partnership is at least temporarily at an end as Varys bids adieu to Meereen.
He plans to return, but the hint of sadness in Tyrion’s voice reminds us that these two may be parting ways for good.
From there, it’s back to Kings Landing, where Cersei, still butting heads with the increasingly powerful High Sparrow and hi Faith Militant, protects herself with the otherworldly badassery of the other Clegane brother.
There’s more humor in the form of Bronn’s reunion with Pod (Remember when they were both Tyrion’s buddies? Yeah, we barely do, too!)
Meanwhile, in the tent (where they’re not having sex, thank you very much), Jaime and Brienne engage in more diplomatic, maneuvering, and the pieces begin to fall into place for the wars to come.
Brienne wants to talk the Blackfish into surrendering Riverrun in exchange for safe passage north for a f-ckton of troops.
Jaime has his doubts, but he agrees to the deal, possibly out of lingering affection for his former traveling partner/captor, Brienne.
Lesser shows would have Brienne melt Brynden Tully’s heart and triumph against the odds, but on GoT, she’s shot down just as Jaime predicted.
From there, we see Cersei victimized by a betrayal worthy of … well, her, as Tommen sets a date for her trial – and outlaws trial by combat, thus negating her big, brutish ace in the hole, the Mountain.
Tyrion waxes poetic about booze some more (Note how the show has been grouping scenes featuring the Lannisters together.) and continues his efforts to get Missandei and Grey Worm to loosen up and see things his way.
Side note: How long until the Imp’s Delight wine hits shelves? We imagine a dry pinot noir.
We’re bummed that we didn’t get to hear the punchline to Tyrion’s booze-jackass-honeycomb, but his attempts at getting his cohorts to lighten up actually appear to be working – at least until the masters sail into port with war flags flying.
Jaime visits Edmure Tully whose imprisonment is reminiscent of his own in Season 2. (No accident, we’re sure.)
Edmure’s sorry state and the return of Brienne combine to make Jaime reflect on his previous interactions with the Tullys, which in turn cause him to realize the similarities between Cersei and Catelynn
But as his threat to launch Edmure’s kid into the river reminds us, that doesn’t mean he’s gone soft.
Jaime effectively persuades Edmure to enter the castle (He is the lord of Riverrun, after all.) and order Brynden’s troops to stand down.
The Blackfish meets his demise nobly, Brienne and Pod escape with a wistful wave goodbye from Jaime, and like that, the weird tangential Riverrun storyline comes to an end.
At least the Starks got more troops for their raid on Winterfell?
With her peeps at Meereen under siege, Daenerys makes the most hardcore entry in history. (It’s tough to beat travel by dragon in terms of awesomeness.)
But will it be enough to fend off the masters? Yeah, most likely.
The big reunion episode continues as the Hound comes face-to-face with the Brotherhood members who nearly killed him, and drops a reference to his famous chicken dinner with Arya. (Oh, and kills the dicks who murdered Al Swearengen.)
“Lots of horrible sh-t in this world gets done for something larger than ourselves,” the Hound says in a sadly topical refutation to the Brotherhood’s arguments.
Despite his initial resistance, however, it looks as though appealing to the Hound’s newfound morality may have won the Hound over to their side.
After that, we’re back to Arya (Weiss and Benioff are clearly intent on reminding us of how all these far-flung storylines are related.), who gives new meaning to blood orange while tumbling through a farmer’s market to evade the Waif.
Though we can’t help but feel that we were deprived of a badass fight scene, it’s nice to see Arya make short work of the Waif and reclaim her name.
With Arya’s stand against Jaqen (She lets him live as a thanks for saving her life so long ago.), another piece falls into place for what fans believe will be the most epic pair of episodes in the show’s six-season run.
Watch Game of Thrones online to get caught up in time.
