Sunday, September 4, 2016

Beyonce Turns 35: A Birthday Tribute

The world’s most popular celebrity turns 35 years old today.


Yes, we’re talking about Beyonce.


Do you really want to object to this statement?



Who else would you like to nominate for this distinction?


Justin Bieber? Yeah, right. We didn’t say the world’s most shirtless douchebag.


Tom Hanks? Sure, everyone loves Tom Hanks. But they don’t worship Tom Hanks. They don’t bow down in front of Tom Hanks. They just think he’s a great actor and really nice guy.


Chris Brown? Just kidding.


So that leaves us with Beyonce.


She has her detractors, yes. Just ask form New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani how he feels about her proactive stance when it comes to the Black Lives Matter movement.


But we still challenge anyone to find a celebrity who is more universally beloved and respected than Beyonce Knowles.


Just consider:


She makes her voice heard on important topics.



She remembers friends, many years after they pass away, and she makes sure everyone else does as well:



She handles rumors of infidelity by taking charge of the narrative.


Heck, she handles rumors of infidelity by selling millions of records, nearly breaking the Internet and dominating the music conversation for months:



She takes over a Super Bowl halftime show even when she is not the featured performer:



She keeps her child out of the spotlight, except for the occasional event when she dresses similarly to Blue Ivy and simply stuns on the red carpet.


We direct you to last month’s MTV Video Music Awards:



She simply owns every single awards show at which she performs.


If we were any other singer, we’d refuse to take the stage after a Beyonce performance. There’s just no way of looking good afterward.



Beyonce is so loved that Saturday Night Live created a skit based around The Beygency, which is an organization that goes after anyone that dares to speak ill of the artist.


She’s reached heights all other celebrities can only dream of.


And she turns 35 years old today!


So please join us in saluting this global superstar, who seems as comfortable at home in her pajamas as she does singing for the President of the United States.


Is she Jesus Christ, as Adele once stated on stage?



We may not go that far. 


But we’d consider it.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEYONCE!