Patton Oswalt remains in mourning.
Over four months have gone by since the comedian lost his wife in shocking, tragic fashion, as Michelle McNamara died in her sleep on April 21.
But that’s not nearly enough time for one to move on from the love of one’s life.
After bidding McNamara an emotional goodbye soon after her passing, Oswalt has once again taken to Facebook in order to express his grief.
“Depression is the tallest kid in the 4th grade, dinging rubber bands off the back of your head and feeling safe on the playground, knowing that no teacher is coming to help you,” he wrote.
“But grief? Grief is Jason Statham holding that 4th grade bully’s head in a toilet and then f-cking the teacher you’ve got a crush on in front of the class.”
That’s a unique way to put it.
But it does actually make a lot of sense.
“Grief makes depression cower behind you and apologize for being such a dick,” he added.
Oswalt shared this heartbreaking point of view 102 days after McNamara died.
He went on to reference that number.
“102 days at the mercy of grief and loss feels like 102 years and you have sh-t to show for it. You will not be physically healthier. You will not feel ‘wiser.’ You will not have ‘closure.’ You will not have ‘perspective’ or ‘resilience’ or ‘a new sense of self.’
“You WILL have solid knowledge of fear, exhaustion and a new appreciation for the randomness and horror of the universe.
“And you’ll also realize that 102 days is nothing but a warm-up for things to come.”
Oswalt and McNamara were married in 2005.
The two share a seven-year-old daughter, Alice.
“I was face-down and frozen for weeks,” Oswalt wrote of how he felt when he first lost his wife.
“It’s 102 days later and I can confidently say I have reached a point where I’m crawling. Which, objectively, is an improvement. Maybe 102 days later I’ll be walking.”
Despite the pain, Oswalt says he has been shown “new levels of humanity and grace and intelligence” by his family, friends and also by his fans.
“They will show up for you, physically and emotionally, in ways in which make you take careful note and say to yourself, ‘Make sure to try to do that for someone else someday,"” he wrote.
“Complete strangers will send you genuinely touching messages on Facebook and Twitter, or will somehow figure out your address to send you letters which you’ll keep and re-read ’cause you can’t believe how helpful they are.”
Prior to her passing, McNamara was working on a book about a serial killer she dubbed The Golden State Killer.
Oswalt says it will be released at some point and is “amazing.”
The beloved actor also promised his fans he is going to get back into comedy, acting and writing.
At some point.
“I like and working with friends on projects and do all the stuff I was always so privileged to get to do before the air caught fire around me and the sun died,” he said.
“It’s all I knew how to do before I met Michelle. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do now without her.”