12 Times Kim Kardashian Did Not Really Dumped

Stop us if you"ve heard this one before:

Kim Kardashian just got dumped because she"s fat. Or Kim Kardashian just got dumped while pregnant. Or Kim Kardashian just got dumped immediately after giving birth.

According to the supermarket tabloid industry, Kim Kardashian gets dumped nearly every other week.

Here"s a rundown of the most hilarious times this reality star has allegedly gotten the heave-ho:

1. Kim Kardashian: Dumped! Again!

Kim Kardashian was forced to be a single mother, according to this cover story. Shocking, there was no truth to it.

2. Kim Kardashian: Pregnant, Dumped

Kanye split with Kim over reality television, this cover wanted us to believe. Did anyone buy it?

3. Kim Kardashian Dumped?!?

That’s cold, In Touch. Kim was pregnant and you went after her weight?!?

4. Kim Kardashian Dumped Cover

Kim Kardashian has totally been dumped by Kanye West. Too bad. We liked these kids together.

5. Kim Kardashian on In Touch Weekly

Darn you, Kanye West! Who dumped a nine-month along pregnant woman?!? (Oh, not you? Sorry.)

6. Dumped by Kanye!

Kanye West has dumped Kim Kardashian! According to this hilariously false issue of In Touch Weekly, that is.

View Slideshow

Kourtney Kardashian and Justin Bieber: Is It Really So Crazy?

The unexpected rumors have turned into a stunning reality:

According to various new reports, Justin Bieber is hooking up with Kourtney Kardashian.

Yes, you read that sentence correctly.

The singer and the reality star were first spotted out in public, looking VERY cozy, in October, with insiders saying Justin and Kourtney were “playing house” and getting to know each other awfully well.

If you know what we mean.

But while the Internet is reacting with ooohs, aaahs and WTFs to the news, a look back at the history between Justin Bieber and Kourtney Kardashian reveals that maybe this celebrity fling wasn’t so shocking to see coming after all.

Consider:

Bieber has always been close to the family. Heck, there were rumors last year that Bieber was dating Kendall Jenner after the stars attended Coachella together and also dined in Paris.

Bieber has also been close to Kourtney’s family. Back in May, we shared a picture of Justin playing in the pool with Mason Dash Disick, Kardashian’s oldest child.

“#Mason & @JustinBieber family pool day!!!” Kris Jenner captioned the photo at the time. “#Bestbabysitterintheworld.”

Bieber and Kourtney used to be neighbors. Justin has since sold his Calabasas mansion (to Khloe Kardashian!), but proximity goes a long way.

How many single women out there would not develop sexual feelings for Bieber if they could practically see inside his bedroom? Assuming he isn’t hurling eggs at your house, that is.

Kourtney wants to make Scott Disick jealous. This has been well-documented. Just consider the photo gallery below.

Now, stop and think about it: if you want to make your ex-boyfriend jealous, could you do any better than Justin Bieber?!?

Just imagining Disick’s face upon learning this news makes us as giddy as… well… as Justin Bieber upon first seeing Kourtney Kardashian nude.

View Slideshow: 23 Photos of Kourtney Kardashian Showing Scott Disick What He’s Missing

Age is just a number. Yes, Bieber is 21 and Kardashian is 36. But Bieber is an old 21. He’s been in the music business for years.

It’s not like this is a college senior getting it on with someone who has been working for 15 years (plus, come on, does Kourtney Kardashian really work?!?) and who is at a different stage in her life.

Bieber has always lusted after older woman. Miranda Kerr, anyone?!? Bieber once bragged that Kerr made him a man after he had sex with the supermodel.

Kerr is 32 years old.

Both Bieber and Kardashian are very good looking. That’s really all it takes sometimes. Sex isn’t always that complicated.

View Slideshow: Justin Bieber Selfies: Sexy, Shirtless and Sizzling!

Nikki Reed REALLY, REALLY Loves Ian Somerhalder!

Think your heart was melted by those Ian Somerhalder-Nikki Reed wedding photos from earlier this fall?

Just wait until you read the actress’ message to her husband in honor of his 37th birthday this week.

View Slideshow: Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed Photos: A Whirlwind Romance

“You are my every dream brought to life,” Reed wrote on Instagram on Friday, three days after her man celebrated another anniversary of his birth.

“With our hands pressed together I know that we will always find our way home.”

This really is the way Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder talk to each other, at least over social media.

The stars were friends for many years; started dating in the middle of 2014; and shocked the world when they got married, without any major fanfare, in April of this year.

“I love this human. My human,” Reed wrote as a caption to a honeymoon photo of the pair back in May.

But that’s nothing compared to the sentiment Reed continued to express with her birthday message.

“You are a gift to this world, a teacher of light and a student of love,” she said to her husband.

“You radiate warmth in vibrant reds and deep orange hues. I often wonder what it would be like to see autumn arrive through your eyes. Here is to the next 65 years together, holding hands, strolling through the woods, still learning, still listening.

“Happy happy birthday…I love you.”

According to report this fall, meanwhile, Reed and Somerhalder may soon have kids, which would be amazing.

Because, first, the kids would be very good looking.

Second, though, can you imagine the profound words these parents would have for their children online?!?

View Slideshow: 21 Surprising Celebrity Weddings

For a lot more from Somerhalder, head over to TV Fanatic and watch The Vampire Diaries online.

Taylor Swift: Is She Really Akin to "Nazi Barbie?"

Ask Selena Gomez about Taylor Swift and you’re likely to hear her toss around words such as loyal, kind and giving.

Ask any celebrity who has joined Swift on stage during a concert about the singer and they’ll probably respond with words such as talented, fun and generous.

ASk Camille Paglia, a culture critic and self-proclaimed feminist, about Taylor Swift and… well… you’ll get a very different kind of response.

In an article penned for The Hollywood Reporter, Paglia argues that the group dynamic between Swift and the beautiful members of her “Squad” do not empower women in any way, shape or form.

Instead, claims Paglia, this is an example of elitism.

“Girl squads can help women advance if they avoid presenting a silly, regressive public image,” writes Paglia.

She goes on to note the “tongues-out mugging of Swift’s bear-hugging posse,” adding:

“Swift herself should retire that obnoxious Nazi Barbie routine of wheeling out friends and celebrities as performance props.”

We’re pretty sure Taylor just likes to hang out with her friends.

We’re also pretty sure once you compare anyone to a Nazi, you lose any semblance of a point.

Paglia goes on to explain that friendship squad such as this serve more to exclude women who aren’t members, as opposed to uniting the women of the group.

“If many women feel lonely or overwhelmed these days, it’s not due to male malice,” Paglia says. “Women have lost the natural solidarity and companionship.”

The columnist claims Swift’s “twinkly persona is such a scary flashback to the fascist blondes who ruled the social scene during my youth.”

Ummm… okay then.

Is there a doctor reading this who can order Paglia a chill pill?

Yolanda Foster: I"m Really Sick, You B----es

“Becoming chronically ill has definitely given me a greater understanding of human nature, and I’ve learned to accept people’s lack of long-term compassion for others while they live their busy lives.”

These are the words of a woman stricken with Lyme disease defending herself against the Hellcats of Beverly Hills.

Yolanda Foster had her work cut out for her on December 1st.  Season six of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills premiered, and just a few hours before that, she and husband David Foster announced they were divorcing.

The latter has not yet been mentioned in Foster’s Bravo blog, which each Housewife is responsible for following every episode

However, the Dutch model was not going to sit idly by while others questioned her illness.

“I have gone from being an outspoken multi-tasking social butterfly to a hostage of my debilitating disease,” Foster wrote, according to Radar Online.  

“I might only be a shell of the woman I used to be, but my heart is still the same, and even though I can only do life one day at a time, I am at peace and have surrendered to my new normal — for now.”

Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle Richards were unsympathetic to Foster’s plight; when she showed up to Lisa Rinna’s dinner party, both women wondered why TF she didn’t put on some undereye concealer.

“Bless the hearts of my fellow Housewives!” Foster wrote.  “May neither they, nor their families, ever have to face such illness, because it is at that time when we learn and realize what really matters.

“Its’ almost like you have to show scars and broken bones in order to be warranted understanding.  Does it count that even though we don’t ‘look’ great, that we show up? It’s tempting to be distracted by negativity, but I choose to stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel and not let anything interrupt my healing process.”

Welp.  I guess reality TV is now a medical witch hunt.  Who better than two washed-up actresses to investigate a diagnosis?

View Slideshow: 11 Most Obnoxious Quotes From The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

“I wish my message was more fun and glamorous than this, but I accept that these are the cards life has dealt me,” she added.

“I’m extremely fortunate and grateful to have had the opportunity to travel to 11 countries, five states, and see 100+doctors, but the truth is that even though I have made great strides in the past six months, I have not found a cure yet.”

Tyga Moves Out of Kylie Jenner"s House; Is It Really Over This Time?

Rumors about a Tyga and Kylie Jenner breakup have been circulating for weeks now, and the couple has repeatedly insisted that everything is just fine in their relationship.

In this case, however, real estate may speak louder than words:

According to several sources, Kylie and Tyga are back together, but they’ve slowed things down considerably, and they’ve decided not to live together any longer.

In fact, it seems Kylie doesn’t even want Tyga as a neighbor.

TMZ is reporting that the couple has opted to “increase their personal space” in the wake of their short-lived breakup by living under separate roofs.

Insiders claim Tyga has already moved out of Kylie’s Calabasas mansion and into a Hidden Hills rental property.

Interestingly, Tyga had reportedly been negotiating the purchase of the house right next to Kylie’s, but it seems those plans have been put on ice.

The website reports that Tyga almost closed the deal on the house three separate times, but in each case, he pulled out at the last minute.

Of course, that may have more to do with Tyga’s money troubles than with his and Kylie’s relationship.

In any event, it seems he and Kylie are definitely taking a step back and re-evaluating some things.

Choosing not to live together anymore may not mean the end, but considering Tyga has recently been talking about proposing to Kylie, we think it’s safe to say he’s not thrilled with the direction his relationship is taking.

View Slideshow: Kylie Jenner & Tyga Photos: The Way They Were

Khloe Kardashian: Why Did She REALLY Cancel Her Book Tour?

Khloe Kardashian has put the kibosh on her book tour.

The reality star made this announcement herself on Wednesday afternoon, Tweeting that she’s sick and under doctor’s orders to take it easy.

“I’ll be going for more testing today. I’m very sorry again,” Khloe wrote.

“Stress can run our bodies down so please everyone take care of yourselves.”

She’s right. Stress can definitely play a role in one’s health. She isn’t lying, either: According to multiple sources, Kardashian really is sick.

But there’s a bit more to the story.

TMZ reports that Kardashian contracted a staph infection as a result of being so often by Lamar Odom’s bedside at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

The former basketball star has been a patient there for over a month now, ever since he fell unconscious at a brothel in Las Vegas.

Khloe has essentially dropped everything to be there for her estranged husband.

However, Khloe’s memoir (“Strong Looks Better Naked”) came out on November 6 and she had agreed to go on a book tour as part of its promotion.

But TMZ says this is no longer possible because Khloe has a painful lesion on her leg. She has also developed a high fever and swollen glands.

“It’s so scary. She’s so sick,” a source tells the website.

View Slideshow: Khloe Kardashian Memoir: 6 Things We Learned

However, a rep for the star tells Gossip Cop that things are not nearly this dire:

“She is getting treatment and will be OK,” says this spokesperson, adding that Khloe “just needs to rest and get it treated.”

Let’s hope this doesn’t have a negative effect on the round butt Khloe has worked so hard to get. 

We kid. We really do hope she’s feeling better soon.

View Slideshow: 17 Kontroversial Khloe Kardashian Photos

Brooks Ayers: Did He Really Lie About Cancer on RHOC?

This dude makes my skin crawl.

Brooks Ayers, he who cast a love spell on The Real Housewives of Orange County‘s Vicki Gunvalson, hijacked last season in its entirety with the classic, edge-of-your-seat storyline: “Does he Or Does He Not Have Cancer?”

While it may sound very inappropriate to question whether or not someone has cancer, you have to remember that these are Housewives and they survive off this bullsh*t.  Kind of like how a shark needs to keep swimming or it will die.

Anyway, Ayers said he had cancer and claimed to have undergone treatment at City of Hope medical center outside LA.

A rep from from COH confirmed to E! News that Ayers had never received treatment for anything at their center.  

During the three-part reunion special, one could definitely tell that the light had left Gunvalson’s eyes.  

Back in August, Gunvalson had confirmed that she and Ayers split up.  The Midwest native had also lost her mom this year, the heartbreaking moment she found out captured on tape (and aired, with Gunvalson’s consent).

Brooks Ayers Defends Cancer Diagnosis, Slams RHOC Drama (Again)

Ayers was so hell-bent on making people believe he was battling cancer that he agreed to a sit down with E!‘s Melanie Bromley. 

During the interview, Ayers showed Bromley documents (complete with COH’s logo) to show that he was receiving treatment.  E! was able to obtain the documents, and compare them to verified records from the medical center.

“These are the three bills that reference the days I got my treatment,” Ayers said. “I’m not going to say I’m in remission. That’s not going to be the case until my numbers have normalized and that’s the word that was used to me.

“I have more tests coming up in two months. I go back every 90 days. I don’t get a scan every 90 days but I get blood work done every 90 days.”

RHOC‘s Shannon Beador made a similar comparisons between an alleged medical document Ayers showed Tamra Barney and one from Newport Imaging in Orange County.

That is so awkward for you, Brooks.  You’re going to have to explain yourself all over again in hell.

Squirrel Jumps Face First Into Really Clean Window

There are positives and there are negatives to keeping one"s home window"s sparkling clean and clear.

The positives? Your house will look very tidy and presentable to guests.

The negatives? An animal might not realize a window is actually staring it in the face, choosing to fly into the air and then wishing he thought twice about it upon slamming into said window.

That"s really the only introduction you need to this video.

It features a man who has turned his camera phone on to a squirrel because the squirrel has gotten unusually close to his house.

He figures this is a cute enough reason to record some footage… and he"s right. It would have probably been worth sharing with friends if the squirrel had just remained in place, staring into the living room.

But then the squirrel decides to take a leap of faith by leaping into the air. Look out below!

Really, though, the animal is the one who should have been looking out… directly in front of him.

Watch him SLAM into a closed window and fall to the ground below.

Despite their reputation as seemingly dirty and annoying animals, squirrels have provided an unexpected number of entertaining and viral videos over the years.

There was the one in New York City who drank a milkshake from a trash can… and the one who awoke a sleeping panda and immediately regretted doing so.

And who can ever forget this iconic squirrel photobomb?!?

Check out the latest example of a squirrel giving up a reason to write about him and go ahead and laugh. It"s okay. Don"t feel bad.

We assume the furry little guy wasn"t actually hurt in this video. Squirrels are tough creatures!

Drunk Dude Falls Asleep in Stranger"s House, REALLY Doesn"t Want to Leave

While they may be obnoxious to deal with in real life, super drunk people make for some seriously amusing YouTube videos.

Boozy logic makes no sense to the sober mind, that"s why it"s so amusing to see a drunk guy freak out over mac and cheese, or a Florida woman recording herself driving drunk, then acting all shocked when she gets pulled over.

What"s great about the newest Drunk Guy Acts Like a Jackass on YouTube clip is that the sober guy in the video attempts to reason with the total stranger who"s passed out in his bed.

Judging by the accents and the behavior of the insanely friendly homeowner, we"re guessing this incident occurred in Canada – home to the world"s most polite drunks.

Watch until the end to see just how chill things get between these two Canucks, and ask yourself if you"d be so laid back after finding a belligerent stranger in your bed. The answer is no. You would not.

Persistent Cat Really Wants to Jump from Chair to Table

It"s been documented time and again: cats are really bad at jumping. They simply do not possess mad hops.

No one will ever mistake a cat for Kobe Bryant or LeBron James, that much is for sure. It"s just now how they roll.

Consider this feline who attempted to leap from a car to a roof. Or the one who tried to jump through a car window in order to join his human friends and… well… OUCH!

But the pet featured in the following video refuses to give up the fight. Or he refuses to give up the jump, to be more precise.

And you"ve gotta admire him for it.

We see him at first get up on the arm of a chair and simply go for it, taking off for the table just a couple feet away (if that, that may be a generous estimate, to be honest).

CRASH! SPLAT! He fails and falls to the ground. In rather painful fashion, no less.

And the dog is too embarrassed on his behalf to even stick around for the next attempt.

But there is another attempt… and then another… and another. This is one persistent animal!

Does that persistence pay off? Does he finally make like the highest-jumping cat in history and land the leap? Can we take an important life lesson in believing in oneself from this most unlikely of sources?

Admire this furry guy"s never-say-die attitude, check out the video and find out now.

23 Celebrities Who Used to Be Really Fat

As previously documented, there are a number of celebrities out there who need to eat some pie. They are way too skinny.

But there are also quite a number of stars out there who stopped eating pie. And, as a result, they have dropped a significant amount of weight.

Admire their impressive transformations, along their new, svelte figure, below…

1. Ricky Gervais

You don’t need to ask Ricky Gervais to show off his new body. He’ll just go ahead and do it for you.

2. Jonah Hill

What’s more amazing: That Jonah Hill was the fat kid in Superbad? Or that Jonah Hill has been nominated for two Academy Awards?

3. Chris Pratt

Chris Pratt will always be the fat and lovable Andy Dwyer from Parks and Recreation to some. But the actor has left those days far behind him.

4. Seth Rogen

Like his friend Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen started his career as the overweight star of a major comedy (Knocked Up), but he’s since lost many pounds while remaining just as funny.

5. Jennifer Hudson

Jennifer Hudson has Weight Watchers, and her own impressive willpower, to thank for this amazing transformation.

6. Kelly Osbourne

Wow. It’s almost like someone just cut Kelly Osbourne in half, huh? No one would have predicted back in the day that she would cover Shape Magazine.

View Slideshow

Jennifer Lawrence REALLY Hates Donald Trump!

As Donald Trump’s schoolyard bully with a red panda-pelt toupee schtick begins to wear thin, his support is waning, and former celebrities in particular are eager to distance themselves from the Donald’s formerly huuuuuuge campaign.

Yesterday, Tom Brady spoke out on Trump, clarifying that he was totally just kidding, you guys, when he announced his support for the candidate. (It was the kind of scrambling Brady rarely has to do on the field.)

Now, Jennifer Lawrence is making her feelings clear, and unlike Brady, she’s not mincing words.

Also unlike Brady, J-Law was never a Trump supporter, a fact she made very clear during a recent press conference to promote The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2. 

“If Donald Trump becomes president, that will be the end of the world,” Lawrence bluntly told a crowd of reporters.

Co-star Josh Hutcherson backed her up, and Liam Hemsworth stated that he thinks the Donald’s run for the White House might be an elaborate publicity stunt, which led Lawrence to elaborate on her anti-Trump sentiment:

“I genuinely believe that reality television has reached the ultimate place where now even things like this might just be for entertainment,” Lawrence said. “It’s either that or it’s Hillary’s brilliant idea.

“I was watching him on the campaign trail and one guy said, ‘I love Donald Trump because he’s saying everything I’m thinking and I just can’t say it because of the PC factor.’

“And I’m thinking, ‘You are absolutely right. That’s who I want representing my country, somebody politically incorrect. That will just be perfect.’”

Jen is certainly saying what’s on a lot of people’s minds, and we applaud her for her bravery. Sadly, we all know how Trump treats his female enemies.

View Slideshow: 14 Times Donald Trump Has Insulted Women

Tom Cruise Really Held His Breath For SIX MINUTES In Mission Impossible Stunt! Here Are 20 Other Actors Who Almost Died On Movie Sets!

OK, holding onto a plane as it takes off is dangerous — but this is just impossible!

In Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, Tom Cruise has to dive into an underwater computer database to break into- you know what? It’s complicated.

The point is he has to hold his breath for a LONG time — so the star learned to hold his breath for SIX MINUTES! For real! He revealed in new behind-the-scenes footage:

“Normally in underwater sequences, people hold their breath for 10 seconds, 15 seconds max. So I had to prove to everyone that it was actually safe, and spend time with the safety guys and the safety officers to show them, look, not only is it safe, it’s better that I know how to hold my breath because I’m going to be very relaxed. No one’s going to have to rush in, no one’s going to have to panic.”

That man sure cares about making movies — he’s willing to risk his life!

Of course, he’s not the only movie star who’s gotten into dangerous territory…

CLICK HERE to view “20 Actors Who Almost Died On Movie Sets!”

CLICK HERE to view “20 Actors Who Almost Died On Movie Sets!”

CLICK HERE to view “20 Actors Who Almost Died On Movie Sets!”

CLICK HERE to view “20 Actors Who Almost Died On Movie Sets!”

CLICK HERE to view “20 Actors Who Almost Died On Movie Sets!”

[Image via Paramount Pictures.]

Tom Brady: I Don"t REALLY Support Donald Trump! We"re Just Bros!

It was a strange offseason for the cannon-armed, football-playing cyborg known as Tom Brady.

In addition to dealing with the Deflategate scandal, Brady found his personal life all over the tabloids for a number of bizarre reasons.

Several media outlets are still clinging to the story that Brady and Gisele Bundchen are headed for divorce, despite the fact that she’s been publicly supporting her superhuman husband’s quest for another ring, just as she always does.

Of course, the weird, non-football-related Brady stories don’t end there.

After Brady’s four-game suspension was overturned in court prior to the start of the season, he found himself with an unexpected supporter.

Presidential candidate/human throbbing forehead vein Donald Trump congratulated Brady and sent the QB one of his signature “Make America Great Again” hats that look not unlike something that Ashton Kutcher would’ve worn during his Punk’d days.

Brady proudly displayed the hat in his locker, and when asked if he supported Trump, he muttered some non-committal nonsense about the Donald putting a putting green on the White House lawn.

Tom probably figured it was a clever way of dodging the question, but the press ran with it and claimed that Brady is full-on Trump supporter.

Brady took the opportunity to dial those comments back during a radio interview on Monday:

“Even an off-handed comment like that, like you said, that people may run with; and I understand why people do run with it because you get the clicks and that type of stuff,” Brady said. “It’s just people doing their job. I try to have fun with certain things.

I mean, look, I’ve known him for a long time. He’s been a fun guy that I’ve had a lot of time around. One way or another, it’s so far away from when the election will be.

“Whatever I vote is going to be my own personal choice based on how I feel. I don’t even know what the issues are. I haven’t paid attention to politics in a long time. It’s actually not something that I really even enjoy. It’s way off my radar.”

Normally, we’d make fun of a grown adult with a lot at stake who claims he doesn’t “enjoy” politics and “doesn’t even know what the issues are,” but Tom’s got an awful lot on his plate these days.

Plus, he’s probably not even allowed to read newspapers while he’s living under the Belichick regime. It’s just like North Korea, but with more short-sleeved hoodies.

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West Will Reportedly Welcome Yeezus Jr. On Christmas Day — Wait, Really?!

Talk about actually being Yeezus Jr!

On Tuesday, it was reported that Kim Kardashian West and Kanye West‘sunborn little one will be due on — Christmas Day! Shut the front door!

As we previously reported, it was said that the happy pair would be expecting the arrival of their son around the holidays but no one expected it to be ACTUALLY be on Jesus’ birthday!!

Related: Kim Kardashian Gets Up Super Early To Pick Out An Outfit For North West!

We can only imagine how pumped the All Day rapper is by this news. It’s not like it’s shocking to learn that the outspoken celeb’s compared himself to the Christian figurehead in the past.

Hmm, very inneresting. LOLz!

Still, this specific due date could be brought about for two reasons. For starters, the day was allegedly chosen by doctors as a potential birth date as it coincides with the time the bun cooking in Kimmy Kake’s oven was conceived. Secondly, the KUWTK star’s medical condition that causes her to have the placenta grow too deeply into her uterus could be dangerous and a C-section may be required.

Whoa!

In fact, it’s said Kimye has ALREADY booked a Deluxe Maternity Suite at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in El Lay. Color us jealous!

We couldn’t be happier for the power couple and their exciting Christmas present. Be sure to let us know where to RSVP for the baby shower. M’kay??

[Image via FayesVision/WENN.]

29 Celebrities Who Some Twitter Users Really Hate

People can be so mean sometimes.

Especially on Twitter. Especially when talking about celebrities.

Over the years, Jimmy Kimmel has convinced numerous stars from a variety of industries to appear on his talk show and read mean Tweets about themselves.

As you can see below, no celebrity has been off limits. As you can also see below, the result shave been hilarious:

1. Suck It, Dwayne Johnson?!?

Who tells Dwayne Johnson to go suck it? Who doesn’t totally love Dwayne Johnson?!?

2. The Next Caitlyn Jenner?

No, Bette Midler does not really have a penis. But she’s not offended if you believe she does.

3. Sad Liam Neeson

This Tweeter has made Liam Neeson cry. We assume Liam Neeson will now go find this person and kill him or her.

4. Jeff Bridges is a Hobo!

And not a funny hobo, either, apparently. A really disturbing, scary hobo.

5. Wait, What About Kristen Bell’s Vagina?!?

We have no idea why anyone would dislike Kristen Bell, but at least this is an original insult.

6. Benedict Cumber-DISS!

Based on what we know to be true, and based on this person’s logic, many people apparently love to look at a cat’s anus.

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Kim Kardashian is Really Getting Desperate Now

Kim Kardashian is klearly a woman on a mission at this point.

With her and her sisters having all recently launched a new website and affiliated app, and with Kylie Jenner’s reigning supreme above all, Kim is needing to find new ways to lure in traffic.

Well, new old ways, really.

She’s just standing around in a black bra here.

Kardashian is using the racy image to draw people to her official website, KimKardashianWest.com. The caption that accompanies this picture references a behind-the-scenes Givenchy fitting that fans can “unlock” on her site.

It will cost $ 2.99 to do so, of course.

According to a recent tabloid cover story, Kim is so angry over Kylie’s success that she may take her half-sibling to court.

She’s allegedly irate that Jenner is copying Kim’s look and Kim’s path to riches (i.e. posing often without a lot of clothing on) and she believes she’s entitled to royalties as a result of Jenner’s emulation.

Which is hilarious.

The best part of this sisterly feud, of course, will take place when Kardashian grows so upset and so desperate to regain her status as the most popular family member that she resorts to the inevitable.

We all know a second Kim Kardashian sex tape is on the way, don’t we?

View Slideshow: Kim Kardashian Nude Pictures: A Tantalizing Timeline

Jon Gosselin Speaks on Rumored Kate Shade: Did He Really Cheer Her Recent Breakup?!

Jon Gosselin is not on good terms with Kate Gosselin, but would he really go so far as to celebrate her getting dumped by her boyfriend on Facebook?

As we reported yesterday Kate got dumped by Jeff Prescott, her beau for the better part of 2015, after he refused to film episodes of Kate Plus 8.

He quickly moved on to a 26-year-old, to boot. Cold.

Hours later, rumors started flying that Jon Gosselin was lovin’ life, even cheering the news with the hands-raised emoji on his Facebook page.

That story was both hilarious, and easy to picture.

Did it really happen, though? In our heart of hearts, we would like to believe Jon wouldn’t stoop that low … and he’s now claiming he did not.

Jon said the rumors were even brought to his mom’s attention. “No, my mom was like, ‘What?"” he said. “I was like, ‘What are you talking about?"”

“I have teenage kids now who are on social media,” he adds. “They read everything, and the last thing I’m going to do is trash their mother.”

“[It’s] a constant source of frustration, to see impostors post these ridiculous things,” he said, implying that this was a bogus account or meme.

Kate and Jon split in 2009 and the parents of Cara and Mady, 14, and Aaden, Collin, Hannah, Alexis, Leah, and Joel, 11, are often at odds.

Earlier this year, Jon sought full custody of one of his daughter after abuse claims were lodged against his controversial former spouse.

That matter was resolved out of court; In the meantime, he’s dating nurse Colleen Conrad and focusing on his DJ N-Do disc jockey tour.

No, seriously, that last part is 100 percent true.

View Slideshow: 13 Stars Who Prove Women Can Be Douchebags, Too

12 Pieces of Presidential Swag You Really Can Purchase

Do not ever doubt the lengths politicians will go to in order to raise funds.

Case in point: Hillary Clinton posed for a selfie with Kim Kardashian at an expensive dinner in Los Angeles.

Other cases in point: the following pieces of swag, all of which are real and actually on sale on the official websites of various candidates…

1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

For $ 35, fans of Rand Paul can wish other fans of Rand Paul a happy birthday… with this three-foot tall birthday card. It comes with an equally gigantic envelope.

2. Grillary Clinton

Look, we love puns as much as the next guy. Ok, fine: we love puns even more than the next guy. But Grillary Clinton?!? This is something a serious President candidate is selling.

3. A Marco Polo

This totally wins. Marco Rubio is selling a polo shirt with his name on it. Get it? A Marco Polo!

4. A Bobby Jindal T-Shirt

There’s nothing too funny about this shirt, really, although the slogan could use some work. We mostly wanted to see if people knew Jindal was running for President.

5. Mugging for the Camera

Okay, so Rick Perry dropped out early. And a PAC of the former nominee was selling this shirt, not the man himself. But still. It’s a shirt that uses Rick Perry’s mug shot! And it’s PRO Rick Perry!

6. Hillary, I’ll See Your Pun and Raise You…

Jeb Bush is selling a guacamole bowl on his website for $ 75. It is called the Guaca Bowle.

View Slideshow